Social Question

skfinkel's avatar

What are the chances a guy friend will stay my friend after he is now going with a girl friend I introduced him to?

Asked by skfinkel (13404points) June 9th, 2014

I have been friends with a guy for three years. He wanted to date, but I told him just friends. I introduced him to a group of my girl friends and now he is dating one of them. Do you think he will still still be my friend, or will he stop spending time with me? This sounds like a teenage question, but we are way grown-ups. Still curious about what people guess.

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11 Answers

johnpowell's avatar

I can’t see why he would stop being your friend. But if they get serious he will have less time to spend on other things like you.

GloPro's avatar

If you are way grown ups then hopefully he will be way mature about it, and so will she. One of my best friends is a guy. His wife has admitted to me that she is jealous of our bond, yet she insists that he takes time to spend with me one-on-one when I visit them. It’s rare, but way possible.

Mother of Ben, huh? Is this a test? The terms ‘going with’ and ‘way grown-up’ are not commonly heard in adult circles.

janbb's avatar

I’ve have been in a somewhat similar situation twice with the same guy friend. I didn’t introduce them but we had decided not to date but stayed close friends right before he started dating another woman in our group. He did something of a dance to maintain both relationships and it was hurting and threatening at times to each of us women. We did maintain our friendship through that relationship and eventually he broke off with her for other reasons. In his next dating relationship, he told me he was dating someone but was going to keep it private and we still were close. Now he has stepped away from for undisclosed reasons – while not dating anyone!

Not sure what the moral is here, Susan, maybe to step away a bit from the friendship but still try to maintain it. So much will depend on the guy and his dating style and how threatened the woman is by you. I think my friend kept me in the picture for safety – and out of sense of genuine liking – but I would back away a bit if I were you – or maybe me again.

And as you know, I too, am not a teenager. Plus ca change…...(Sorry, Gail, for the lack of a cedile.)

zenvelo's avatar

Your friendship with him is a friendship, not an alternative relationship. And any significant other he gets involved with should honor and respect hi friendship with you, and you should honor and respect his relationship with someone that is important to him.

Friendships wane and wax over the years, but a real friendship you support him and he will support you.

jca's avatar

You may spend less time with him as his time will be taken up by his new relationship. It is possible that the new girlfriend will be jealous of his friendship with you, so even though that’s not ideal, it is a possibility you should be prepared for.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Depends how much pressure he gets from the new girlfirend, as @jca says.

But my guess is that your friendship is on the way out.

jca's avatar

When you say “he wanted to date” but you did not want to date, is there any chance you were still interested in him in a non-platonic way, for the duration of your friendship? Was there any sexual tension at all, or did you have any interest in that way? Or was it totally that there was no interest in that way on your part?

marinelife's avatar

Your friendship may change. He may have less time to spend with you, but he should stay your friend.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

He will consider you a friend but girl friends aren’t crazy about their guy spending time with another gal, unless she is invited to come along. Encourage that.

jca's avatar

Realize that the girl friend will be probably calling the shots.

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