What are your thoughts on BYOB?

I would bring what I like to drink but bring extra for others. I would leave anything that was left for the host to keep or for others to enjoy.

No issue at all with bringing a community dish and my own beverages to a big bash.
I’d keep my own little ice chest on hand or label my stuff it it went into a party cache in the fridge.
I threw a huge party with live music a few summers ago and made lots of the food, provided cases of various local wines and a keg of Sierra Nevada ale, but, requested everyone bring a dish, salad, snack and anything else they wanted, hard liquor, etc.
It turned out great, we were still eating at 3 a.m. haha

I think the idea of BYOB is excellent. Pot lucks and BYOB let everyone have something they like. The fact that you provide such high quality beef is lovely, you are a very classy host.

In those cases, I always ask the hosts if they’d like me to take or leave my contributions (I prefer people take, as I have a small house and little storage space, but I am happy to leave whatever isn’t consumed.)

I would bring drinks and put them in the community trough. I would take nothing home with me other than a beautiful babe maybe!

Unless it’s some sort of dietary restriction thing, I consider BYOB as, at the very least, extras for the group.

I’m asking because I saw all kinds of interesting psychology around the BYOB concept. Several people brought handles of local distilled vodka or local wine/beer as their contribution, which fit both categories. Others came with absolutely nothing and left buzzed and full. Some hid their beverages, although the drink table was piled high. They weren’t drinking anything crazy, same stuff as what was on the table.
I ended up with several bottles of wine and liquor and some beer this morning. We plowed through so much food and the leftovers didn’t seem worth the effort so there were none.

I don’t drink that much, so I guess next party I’ll provide more alcohol and this will be recycled. July 4th is around the corner. How should I word that invite so I don’t end up having so many alcohol leftovers this time?

@canidmajor Last Thanksgiving I provided all food but apps and dessert and no alcohol. Everyone brought a bottle of wine, a snack, and a pie. We drank most of the wine, but I had a cakewalk after dinner to send 14 half-pies home. I definitely did not want to have 14 different half-pies at the house, haha.
Everyone was also asked to bring a plastic Tupperware for a leftover meal. Everybody loves leftover Thanksgiving.

I think it depends on the party.

We use to do those, the host also collected a couple dollars from everybody and had three half kegs of beer ( one was on his garden tractor wagon ). But BYOB was the followed by most.
One year he had three rock bands, all local kids. Size of party sometimes exceeded 275 people.
Pond to swim in with a a lifeguard on duty.
Fireworks after dark on his back acreage, an old cow pasture.

The food sharing seems to almost always be very communal, with everyone trying everything appealing, and people wanting to share what they’ve brought.

The BYOB thing is a little different, even when it is all put out for availability for all, people tend to drink what they’ve brought. Someone brings a six pack of some artisan craft beer, they drink that, not the craft flavored vodka.

The exception to that is when it is strictly wine sharing, people want to taste different wines, and everyone drinks from the same bottles as they are opened.

(My observations are as one who does not drink alcohol or sodas, so I bring mineral water and plenty of it.)

For outdoor parties we bring a small cooler for our drinks, or someone with a larger cooler lets us store our drinks with theirs. We bring extra beer because it’s always better to have too much than not enough. Beer runs are a hassle. Anyone is welcome to one of our beers if they run out of their own. I usually bring a bottle of water or two, or a bottle of iced tea since I’m often the designated driver.

I like BYOB because I don’t drink soda and I don’t like wine or liquor.

We do BYOB when we host, because we don’t drink alcohol or commercial soft drinks, so we prefer that people bring what they like and take it with them. If I were a guest and asked to BYOB, I’d bring what I like, and double the quantity of what I estimate I (and my family, if we’re going together) will drink, and expect to share with other guests.

Depends what it is. Wine, hard liquor, or soda, I’d bring for all to share. Beer or cider is more or less proprietary, although I would never give someone a hard time for taking one.

I remember that at one of the first BYOB parties I attended, I took a glass of soda, and was lectured about it by the person who brought the bottle. Sheesh, if you’re going to take soda ownership that seriously, write your name on it in a big black marker, or just stay home.

Oh, and I find it’s rare that people take back their booze at the end of an evening. So you can end up with a lot of bottles after a BYOB. But… if this is a regular event (say, a Game of Thrones night for example), people will expect their beer to be there from last time. Again, not so much with wine or soda.

@GloPro : That’s what I do at Thanksgiving, too, I send everyone home with another full dinner.
I get to keep the wine. ;-)

@GloPro Tell everyone to take their leftover alcohol home with them, or give it away as the guests are leaving. Just be sure they lock it in their trunks. haha

What if you don’t drink? Usually I leave my food at the party, but I was never forced to bring alcohol. I was never at a gathering like the one in the OP. Usually the host either had plenty of alcohol, or people brought the alcohol for themselves. When I used to drink I usually would bring my own beer since I never cared for the cheap American beer at many of these gatherings.

To me BYOB would mean putting it on the drink table for everyone to share. If everyone brought a couple of bottles of wine there would plenty for everyone. I also think the Host and Hostess should keep what is left since it is their party.

To be honest with you in my part of the country we don’t do the BYOB thing. Guest may bring a bottle of wine as a hostess gift or a desert for the Host to put out but it is not expected.

Here if you have a party you have everything for the Party. You expect nothing and are happily surprised if people bring something.

@Paradox25 BYOB is translated as “bring your own beverage” as often as “bring your own booze” or “bring your own beer”. No one says it has to be alcohol… and if you want tap water, I think it’s ok to just ask the host. ;)

Basically, the idea is that you bring whatever you like to drink, whether alcoholic or not.

@BeenThereSaidThat Wow. I could never have a party if I had to foot the entire bill.

@Paradox25 I don’t drink alcohol, so I take mineral water.

You always leave what isn’t consumed for the host. They held a party and need to clean up you’re shit when it’s over. It’s nice to have some spoils of war after all that :P

I think it is perfectly fine to make that request especially in the wake of providing the main course for everyone. I always bring double what I will drink and a good bottle of wine for the host/hostess.

I host 2 parties per year of similar size. 75–80. Outdoors. I set up 6 10ftx10ft EZ up tents so there is shelter in case the weather turns nasty or the sun is too great. I ask people to bring a dish to pass and BYOB. I supply the meat, grills, plates, plastic, paper, pop, and a couple of large boxes of NY wine. Since one of the parties is July 4th it it understood that ‘noisy toys’ are perfectly acceptable and they are considered a dish to pass. People are generous and always overdo it. When they make a dish to pass they make for much more than their group can eat. If everyone does that we end up with way too much food squared. I try to foist some leftovers on the guests as they leave. Leftover food that can be eaten another time is put in the freezer ASAP.. The rest goes outside over a week or so to feed the critters.. Unopened bottles are saved for another time too.
When you add up all the expenses, the total is quite shocking. I know this and am always more than generous when invited to another person’s party.

I applaud you for hosting. It is a lot of effort but well worth it.

I’m fine with it, especially for such a nice spread of food.

Of course, I don’t drink, so I would BMO-nothing. Instead, I’d bring a homemade dessert or two.

Would you believe that I once went to a Bring Your Own Meat party? The hostess provided a fired-up grill for people to cook whatever meal choices they’d brought. I just thought it was weird, all those guest arriving with raw meat. Sometimes, I’m really glad that I’m a vegetarian.

I see that I missed your beverage question. I have a refrigerator on the porch that holds the meat and drinks, about 12 – 12 packs. . I also have 4 or 5 large coolers. half- filled with some ice and 2 – 35 bottle packs of water that I freeze a few days before. The coolers are labelled Regular, Diet, non carbonated, Beer, other, The frozen water bottles serve double duty as people may drink them or they can act as ice.and keep things cold. People know where to put their drinks or get what they want.

@SadieMartinPaul I’ve been to a few “bring your own meat” barbecues! You bring what you want, and take your turn at the grill. It’s fun! Basically a potluck with a grill.

I spent a fortune on my big bash.
$400 for the band, another few hundred for solar tiki torches, flood lights for the yard, decorations. Then about $600 on building a plank stage for the band to set up, the food, wine, keg, and a porta potty rental. haha
That was my party of the next several decades. Long live the memories of ‘Burning Goose.”

@Tropical_Willie There are some occasions I would buy a keg as part if the party, but I don’t feel comfortable askinug people for any money. When I was in college I knew I had to buy a cup, but I also knew that those guys were making money. I wouldn’t want my friends to think I’m making money off of them, regardless of any other expenses incurred. That’s why, now that we’re older, it seems more appropriate to ask for something specific. A dish, a bottle, a dessert, whatever.

@dappled_leaves “Basically a potluck with a grill.”

You’re right, and what you say makes perfect sense. Yet, I can’t get rid of my own “yuck” reaction. Maybe it’s because meat, no matter what the circumstances, gives me a weird-out.

@SadieMartinPaul Fair enough – though there were vegetarians in our group, and they tended to bring vegetables or veggie burgers for the grill. They’d get their own section. :)

You give me all that I’ll bring a case of wine and a gallon of booze. You sound like a great host.

@cookieman – as noted in several of the replies, BYOB means “bring your own beverage” – it’s not just about booze. We don’t drink alcohol, or any soft drinks that contain artificial crap in them. I brew iced teas and we have hot coffee and tea and filtered water; but if someone wants something else, they’ll have to drink, they bring it in and take what’s left home. I’ll bring water with me, if I’ve been advised that an event is BYOB.

BYOBOG bring your own bag of greenery. ;-)
BYOBS Bring your own bathing suit
BYOC bring your own condoms.
NCAAA No children allowed, at all!
DNBYD Do not bring your dog!

@GloPro The beer, the band(s), Lifeguard and meat. Two bucks for that seems reasonable.

Oooh Life gaurds. haha

@Coloma most were high school seniors, half were female.

@Tropical_Willie Oh. Well…never mind then. haha

Hoping for an invite to @GloPro‘s party and @LuckyGuy‘s party. :-)

@hearkat: Ahh, then in that case, I’ll bring a case of water… and dessert.

@cookieman No cases of water! Ugh, bottled water is so terrible for the planet.

But dessert is tasty. :)

@cookieman – gee, what kind of dessert will you be bringing?~

@hearkat In keeping with the local farmer support theme of my party, I had a 2 gallon water flavored with sliced cukes and lemons, and a second 2 gallon one with sliced peaches. It was an all day beach party, after all. Some brought iced tea, juices, etc. It’s an equal opportunity party – no need to drink to have fun.

@Tropical_Willie A paid lifeguard? We had one drunk in an overturned kayak, but there were plenty of people to help her.

@dappled_leaves: But that’s all I drink (except for the occasional ice coffee).

@hearkat: Well, my wife makes a killer tiramisu, or a mocha-trifle, or bread pudding. Perhaps all three.

@cookieman Tap water, baby! Be brave.

Reading these answers just shows me how simple my redneck life is. The people I know aren’t concerned about most of this stuff.

As for the question – my husband would bring a case of beer that he’d share and leave there at the end of the night. I’d bring whatever liquor/mixer I wanted to drink, make it clear that anyone could drink it, and take the rest of the bottle home with me. Usually I’m the only one not drinking beer, so it’s a pretty full bottle by the end of the night. If I wasn’t drinking a alcohol, I’d bring a 20oz diet coke or a big Smart Water and that’s about it. We’ve never brought our own cooler or put our name on anything so people wouldn’t drink it.

I’m good with BYOB. I’d probably bring a couple 2 liter bottles of pop, a gallon of (bottled) lemonade, and a case of various hard liquors. We re-sell, and can’t sell liquor.

Is storage a problem? If not, I’d just store the leftover hard liquor until the next party until BYOB wasn’t necessary. Have parties, save the hard liquor, have a 4th of July “drinker inclusive” party.

I’ll bring my famous Cashew Cole Slaw.

@livelaughlove21 I think most people who bring their own cooler do so because they don’t want their beer to get cold. and they’re too lazy to have to travel to the kitchen every time they want a beer. and that’s if the fridge in the kitchen has enough room for all the beer everyone brings. It’s not to stake our claim because we’re stingy. ;)

@dappled_leaves: Okay fine… I’ll bring a six-pack of Zima.

~

@cookieman you want to make sure no one drinks your drink? That will do it. ;) First of all, I would bring a gift for the hostess. (Some of my famous soap or saltscrub gift wrapped.) If there was a ‘community table’ for drinks, and I brought an entire bottle of wine and not just the one can of 4.5% something I like, it would be put on the table and forgotten about or if it was something I bought that I really wanted people to try (I am crazy for NZ wines) I would go around the place with cups and give people tastes. I can often get stuck in a corner with the pets if I don’t make a real effort to mingle. I don’t drink spirits and alcohol is crazy expensive here, so I would never bring a full bottle of rum or vodka to a party. I would bring a dessert because I bake kick-ass cakes and sponges and pavlovas.

Last party I helped throw was about 6 years ago, when my now ex turned 40. There was a community table for food and drinks, but if people wanted to keep their special drink with them at the table or in their bag, it is perfectly fine etiquette here to do so because alcohol is expensive, as I said. Bad form to help yourself to the left over alcohol at the end of the party if you didn’t bring any. There is usually someone who appoints themselves care taker of the drinks and food and sends those who could need it (we know who they are) home with plenty of left over food, and to guide the drunks home without stopping at the drinks table to grab a bottle to go.

At this particular party, I didn’t even stay long. I didn’t have a baby sitter, or a ride to the venue, so I had to walk with Little Man in a pram and got there late. I was there long enough to be seen, have a glass of wine and some salad someone brought me (I was so busy with the kids and their grandmother was yelling at me to keep them quiet.. so we just left.) I spent more time buying and organising than I did at the actual party. Blah. Oh well. From what I heard, the guest of honour got so drunk he passed out in the bathroom early on and didn’t wake up until the next morning, when he brought me a cushion cover to wash that one of his guests had barfed on.

@cazzie I’m curious now, what are the average prices for a 750ml of vodka or rum in your area?

@El_Cadejo I don’t drink it, so I don’t price the stuff…. Oh, this is something I didn’t even realise, they have a internetstore! (our alcohol is state controlled in special stores called Vinmonopol.) Here are the vodkas. You can do a price conversion in Google if you put in, for example, ‘300NOK in USD’ and Google gives you an instant conversion.) http://www.vinmonopolet.no/vareutvalg/sok?query=*&sort=2&sortMode=0&filterIds=25;26&filterValues=Brennevin%3BVodka (COPY and paste this whole thing, otherwise you are going to get a menu in Norwegian.)

I guess the cheap stuff costs about 50USD per 700ml.

@cazzie Wow… you’re not kiddin… that’s insanely expensive. If I’m reading that site right 700ml of absolut is 45.44 USD where as in my area you can pick up a 750ml bottle for 17–20 USD.

I also find it kinda interesting that alcohol is measured by cl rather than ml and that the size increments are 250ml,350ml,500ml,700ml and 1L. Here it is 375ml, 750ml and then 1.5L

I don’t eat community dishes but I would take one. I would, however, have a piece of steak right off of the grill. I don’t drink alcohol so that’s no problem; I would make a gallon of sweet tea and take it in something I didn’t want back. I would probably take the community dish in a disposable aluminum dish. So I would leave empty handed and no worries.

@El_Cadejo When I visit my family in the States I have relatives that fix margaritas and sit around a campfire. I’m always happy to buy the fixings. Spending that little on alcohol is a novelty for me. I turned 40 days after my father’s funeral in the US. We stopped a local bottle store and bought bottles the only decent bubbly they had (it was even on a SUNDAY!! Couldn’t believe it!) and it was on par for the cost of not even the nicest stuff here, but it was their most expensive stuff. The guys face when he rang it up was great and he tried to give us some frozen pizzas for buying the expensive stuff… we just smiled and said, no thanks. It was really nice, but I only got a small glass of it. I ended up designated driver that night.

The Urban Dictionary’s take on BYOB – people bring show beer

When you show up with a 12-pack of cheap beer so you’re not empty handed. Then you drink the good beer provided by the host and everyone else.

What!? There’s a freaking keg of Green Line and I’m drinking show beer!?

I’m bummed someone brought all of this crap Budweiser margarita malt liquor and it’s all mine now. I refuse to even give it a shot, so it will become like the party fruitcake… I’ll be paying it forward in true show beer fashion.
Thanks for the lingo, @zenvelo. I’ll have a good laugh when I take it to the next party.

“Show beer!” Haha!

Usually, I’m fine not drinking so I wouldn’t even bring soda. If the host had diet soda, I’d take some and if not, I’d be fine with water. I would bring a dish, usually dessert because that’s what I like and then I know there’s good dessert, or if it’s a birthday party or other party where gift is required, I’d bring a gift. If someone offered me a drink, which often happens, I would drink one. I am fine with one. I’m not a big drinker.

The Lime-arita and flavored counterparts are really pretty good, @GloPro. They weren’t bringing ‘show beer’, they were bringing “trendy”.

In my day, they were ponies called “Malt Duck”. All I remember is that it was short, cold, pink and it got you drunk.

I don’t think you’ll have a problem getting rid of the Bud “Ritas”.

Apparently I had a problem getting rid of them on Saturday :-)

@GloPro You put the shots out first, then the stuff you want to get rid of.

I could just pour them into test tubes and offer them with a dance ;-p

@GloPro I have a lot of answers in mind, but they all get me into trouble.

It might be that they were bringing the Bud ‘Ritas’ because they had seen them in the store, wanted to try them, and thought that was the perfect opportunity. I liked the Lime, but I think 1–2 would be the limit.

I do that. If I’m taking something I’ll take something I’ve been wanting to try, knowing that I get to “gift” the leftovers. The Ritas must be popular somewhere…they certainly seem to come up with a new flavor every day. I’ve only had one, and it was lime.

@dappled_leaves “Tap water, baby! Be brave”

Cool! In my part of the world, that would be The Potomac’s Finest (yes, we get our drinking water from that river). Beverages courtesy of the Ptomaine Tavern…gotta love it.

@SadieMartinPaul It’s not like you’re hauling water out of the river and drinking it. They have these marvellous inventions now called water treatment plants? You’re not going to find many places in the developed world that have tap water which is unsafe for human consumption. Citing the scary Potomac as a reason not to drink tap water is disingenuous.

@dappled_leaves You misunderstand my sense of humor. I drink The Potomac’s Finest every day, with no reservations or hints of snobbishness. The water’s perfectly fine. It might have a bit of a chlorine taste, but that’s easily removed by the Brita filter pitcher in my refrigerator. I thought that someone who’d made the comment, “Tap water, baby! Be brave,” would be on board.

I avoid bottled water. The product’s a scam, and both the carbon footprint and resulting litter are staggering.

@SadieMartinPaul Oh cool. I didn’t read your last post that way at all!

@dappled_leaves Ok. The written word is easily misconstrued. Friends? :-)

A local restaurant features a cocktail called D.C. Tapwater. I don’t know the ingredients, but the drink’s a disgusting, murky, greyish color. The drink’s also delicious. It’s all just fun and good humor.

Hmmm, if it’s in social, why the moderated off-topic responses? I assume they were related to the responses moderated due to writing standards, but I thought only responses correlated to personal attack mods were also removed?

Good point @GloPro. It’s not the first time that recently, things have been excessively modded off of Social threads.

@GloPro
@jca

Yes, my only gripe with modding is when it is in social. I think the whole point of social is to allow the discussion to go where it may and think that it should be up to the question asker to request modifying the discussion if they feel things have moved too far off track. Oh well…small stuff and I gotta run now.

@GloPro “Hmmm, if it’s in social, why the moderated off-topic responses?”

I can tell you exactly what was moderated, because the messages were by @dappled_leaves and me. DL and I had a minor miscommunication, which we fixed. When I asked if we’re “Friends :-),” DL responded with “Mais, oui.” I then replied with a brief French phrase of my own. Then we talked about how to get the required accent marks in Fluther.

It seems that speaking in French was a no-no, as were DL’s tips about the accent marks. I can assure you that neither of us wrote anything obscene, insulting, or otherwise offensive. Oh, well…

@SadieMartinPaul: Yes, but in Social, previously, off topic discussions were acceptable. People would be writing about pancakes, frizzers, all kinds of silly stuff. That’s what made Social fun (or annoying, however you look at it).

Yes, in Social, topics tended to meander and follow the natural course of a conversation. Some of the tangents might have annoyed some Jellies, but everyone always had the option of hitting the “Stop Following” tab. Personally, I enjoy the twisted paths that any discussion might take and watching it go from Question A to Response W.

@SadieMartinPaul and @GloPro: It’s not clear why it’s no longer allowed, since it is Social.

Since when is speaking French a moddable offence? What the heck are @Symbeline, @gailcalled, and I going to do for entertainment around here?

So is cussing still allowed if I precede it with “Pardon my French?”

It kind of sounds like cussing is totally allowed… as long as it’s not actually in French.

@glowpro So is cussing still allowed if I precede it with “Pardon my French?”

Only when you BYOB.

It’s starting look like some Mods feel like if they’re not moderating something, they’re not doing their job.

Of course, the upside to that is that the more frivolous modding they do, the more jellies get mad and stop posting, so eventually they will be able to frivolously moderate every single post to Fluther. We can envision a world where every post to Fluther can be moderated by a single mod, wasting a mere hour a day.

Whoever is last out, please shit off the lights.

[Mod says] Please read the newest Blog Post regarding the Moderation Team’s position on the Guidelines. We have contacted the founders, who indicated that they want us to continue moderating to the guidelines.

While the Social section allows for the discussion to evolve and unfold from the OP, comments are expected to relate to the discussion, adhere to the writing standards (which call for use of proper English), and not disrupt the conversation. Fluther was never intended to be like Facebook or Twitter; it was created as a place where people can learn and teach by sharing knowledge and ideas in a Q&A format. The founders created the Private Message system and the chat rooms for banter and casual conversation. Lurve parties and such in the Meta section are also where chit-chat is allowed.

Discussion of moderation activity disrupts a conversation, and thus it gets pulled as off-topic.

@hearkat Yeah, this is precisely why I just asked a question about someone’s interpretation of that blog post as “flag first, moderate second”. If that really is the policy among mods, it implies that someone must have flagged our French conversation in order for it to be removed. Did anyone flag these comments?

If there’s a side discussion on a question in Social, and no one flags it, is it really appropriate for mods to be removing it? I mean, unless they are personal attacks, what on earth is the point of that? It’s a conversation, and surely that is the point of Social.

Anyway, if you’re going to remove comments because French is not proper English, hopefully you will also remove comments including the phrase “oy vey”, or, I don’t know, abbreviations like BYOB.

@dappled_leaves
great points. I wouldn’t flag other languages. They’re fun.

Where is the “flag first, mod second” policy written? If the secondary language had no grammatical errors and is not an attack why get modded? Maybe our internationals have something to say.

Apparently, it’s written between the lines.

Good God. Derail a social thread is a time honored Fluther tradition and one of it’s greatest strengths. ¿Han perdido la cabeza?

Crêpes!

Seems to me that we’ve had more open forum Mod posts since Auggie left than in the year prior. All explaining how nothing has changed.

“I’ve done this dozens of times in the past, why is it now modded”
“Because nothing has changed!