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Mimishu1995's avatar

If Fluther was an Old West town which role would you fit?

Asked by Mimishu1995 (17656points) July 14th, 2014

Imagine Fluther is an Old West town, kind of like the one you see on many Western movies. Who do you think you are in that town? A cowboy, a farm girl, a runaway outlaw, an Indian…?

I think I’ll choose bounty hunter. How about you?

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74 Answers

whitenoise's avatar

The well endowed whore at the local bar.

OpryLeigh's avatar

I really like this question, however, after wracking my brains to try and think of my “old west” character, I don’t think I would be all that interesting. Certainly not the hero or villain! Dreamy farm or shop girl maybe? I like to think I would be able to work/talk my way up to being the lovable barmaid or something though :)

dina_didi's avatar

The saloon’s singer!

majorrich's avatar

I think I would like to be the Smithy.

OpryLeigh's avatar

By the way, when I said “dreamy” I didn’t mean it to sound like “oh she’s so dreamy” as in good looking, I meant daydreamy!

dabbler's avatar

I’d be runnin’ the hardware store, outfittin’ all you varmints for your adventures. Possibly called the Dry Goods store…

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

The newspaper man.

ragingloli's avatar

The whorehouse mother

thelurker's avatar

I would be the one who surreptitiously gathers information on the main players. Do Old West towns have spies? Or maybe they would be called snitches? I’d be kind of like the snitch, minus the part where the snitch passes the information on to people who would use it in a destructive way.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@thelurker You can think of any role you want. I welcome all creative idea :)

Just don’t go so far as to put a robot in this town though :P

thelurker's avatar

@thelurker I wouldn’t be able to build one if my life depended on it.

Oh, I didn’t see that there was a bounty hunter. I hope she doesn’t catch me!

ucme's avatar

The names’ Wales, Josey Wales…look you isn’t it boyo!

marinelife's avatar

The Saloon Keeper with the heart of gold.

thorninmud's avatar

Undertaker

dxs's avatar

I’m the Honky-tonk piano player. Insert nickel to activate.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Calamity Jane.

gailcalled's avatar

The schoolmarm.

Aethelwine's avatar

Determined Homesteader

SavoirFaire's avatar

School teacher if they needed one. Otherwise, a cowboy or wrangler (armed and dangerous like the gunslinger, but not looking for a fight). Maybe the mayor when I was older and couldn’t do anything useful anymore.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I’d say school marm too, but can’t imagine they’d need three, so I’ll go for hotel owner.

AshLeigh's avatar

The guy that gets to say “This town ain’t big enough for the two of us.”

Brian1946's avatar

I’d be Zacharia, the town partier and proprietor of the Sensamilla Saloon.

The sign on my place would say something like, “Step on in, cowdudes & cowbabes. It’s gonna be legal for another 60 years!”

Dutchess_III's avatar

Wait! My business plan: Saloon on the bottom floor, brothel on the 2nd floor, hotel on the 3rd floor. And I own them all. All ur businesses are mine! And from there I’ll become mayor.

tinyfaery's avatar

The crazy lady that lives on the outskirts of town with a ranch full of weird animals and a shot gun. Be wary. And don’t piss me off.

Berserker's avatar

A sniper in the bell tower. I would have a dirty trenchcoat and a large hat, and its shadow would hide most of my face. I always have a smoke in my mouth and I talk to myself.

Blondesjon's avatar

Eddie Dean

zenvelo's avatar

The banker, who might get robbed but won’t die for money.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@tinyfaery Pretty sure you’d have a roommate in Coloma.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

Gunsmith and re-loader.

Coloma's avatar

I’d be the gentlewoman rancher outside of town, friendly, hospitable, and charming.
People would come from miles around for my home cookin’ and pies but mess with me and I’ll string you up on my big ol’ hoss under the Oak tree. lol

Dutchess_III's avatar

Where is Kardamom? I’m opening up a restaurant too and she needs to run it.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

The drifter gun fighter, that walks a fine line of which side of the law he is on.

CWOTUS's avatar

The country lawyer, I suppose. And probably drunk at the bar most days.

antimatter's avatar

I would be the Railway Tycoon, the Pony Express owner the telegraph and the post office owner. And all the small time prospectors would be working for me. After all what would the west be without the railways?

Coloma's avatar

@antimatter Don’t even think of runnin’ yer railroad through my spread mister! lol

Kardamom's avatar

I’d be the cook at one of the stagecoach stops, like this The Old Stone House in Pennsylvania, or the wife of the man who ran the chuckwagon.

I think I would be wearing a dress like This One

kritiper's avatar

The sheriff.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I’m sorry @Kardamom, but you already have a job running my chuck wagon. I’m the mayor now, see.

Kardamom's avatar

@Dutchess_III Howdy ma’am what can I fix fer ya?

CWOTUS's avatar

I might throw in my shingle, get out of the bar, and be one of the renegade Natives out in the hills.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Shawnee Warrior and Shaman.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@Dan_Lyons Do you hold anything valuable? I have a plan to steal something!

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Only have my pony, my squaw and my child.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

I would probably be the reverend’s wife, but I secretly would like to be the sheriff.

CWOTUS's avatar

From time to time I have a hankerin’ to be the cantankerous, scruffy old prospector out in the hills. However, I would also be a renegade old prospector in that I would bathe more than oncet per quarter. And probably more than oncet per week, in fact. And sail. Or bowl, or somethin’.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Kardamom Today’s menu, Buffalo Burgers n beans n whatever else you kin rustle up. Mebee some squirrel stew.

gailcalled's avatar

No one volunteering to run the local barber shop and bath house with the galvanized hip baths (cheaper if you are willing to use used water)?

SQUEEKY2's avatar

@Dutchess_III Mmmm Them burgers sound awfully good mam, I will have me 2. I’ll pass on the stew though.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Buffalo burgers are good, @SQUEEKY2. My husband swears squirrel is good to, but IDK.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

I know I have had Buffalo meat, but the squirrel thing I will pass on.

snowberry's avatar

I run the livery stable. I’ll rent ya a hoss by the day or week. Right now I’m pitchin’ hay down from the loft. Later I’ll be muckin’ out the stalls.

Let me know if you want me to mend yer harness or saddle yer hoss . But I’ll charge extry if yer want me help ya up on him!

CWOTUS's avatar

In my younger days I might have been the blacksmith. No town will grow without a good blacksmith.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

The loner hero that rides in from nowhere, runs off the banditos and saves the place then vanishes like a ghost.

janbb's avatar

This town sure sounds like it needs a penguin librarian to keep things a rollin’.

CWOTUS's avatar

Since no one else has claimed the spot, I might just take over the church as the curmudgeonly-but-lovable minister. More churches could do a lot more good with atheistic ministers… who aren’t also hypocritical about their lack of faith.

CWOTUS's avatar

Since I can do laundry, I might run the laundromat. Of course, first I would have to learn how to generate electricity, build a generating plant and distribution system, manufacture washing machines – and dryers while I’m at it, I suppose – pipe in clean water and dispose of waste water, and operate a cheap enough wash-dry-fold operation. I’ll leave it to someone else to supply detergent and fabric softener and run television commercials to get people to buy the stuff. Yeah, I, Washing Machine.

Maybe I’d just get a good set of pliers and be a dentist. That sounds like fun.

snowberry's avatar

OK, so we’ve got an atheist running a church. Since competition is always a good thing, I’ve also started Old West Christian Community Church at the other side of town. I’m not a hypocrite, but neither am I an atheist. I’m a Bible believing, praying Christian. To kick off opening our doors, we’re having a potluck dinner, and inviting all our atheist brethren, along with everyone else in town. Come hungry!

Kardamom's avatar

@CWOTUS Maybe you could have been Nikola Tessla.

@snowberry Are you trying to tempt me on purpose with talk of a potluck?

CWOTUS's avatar

What!? No one else wants to be the card sharp in the saloon? I’ll be there all day, playing Spades for match sticks.

Now we need a match stick maker.

CWOTUS's avatar

Perhaps I would settle for a Civil Service position as the public executioner / hangman. Then when a job came along I could go on strike for any number of reasons and thereby prevent capital punishment in at least one little town. Well, except for the lynchings that would happen, of course, when the people’s will and blood lust was thwarted long enough. So maybe I’d better have a fallback job, such as cattle rustler, hired gunsel, trusty sidekick or hard-luck farmer.

snowberry's avatar

@Kardamom Absolutely! What do you have in mind?

Mimishu1995's avatar

I may as well be the mayor because I founded this town in the first place ~

XOIIO's avatar

Probably the crazy inventor that has random explosions coming from his house/shed/barn.

longgone's avatar

Do we have a newspaper guy yet, willing to write whatever you want, as long as the money’s right? :]

majorrich's avatar

No town is complete without a couple few town drunks.

Kardamom's avatar

@snowberry Well This kind of seems obvious.

Or This

Or This

Or This

snowberry's avatar

@Kardamom Sounds awesome! Do I have to choose? Can’t we have them all?

Kardamom's avatar

@snowberry Of course we can have them all, and then some.

snowberry's avatar

Yaay! We have an old west town with a gourmet cook! Better’n beans three times a day for sure!

Esedess's avatar

Blacksmith on my way to lecherous old drunk.

UnholyThirst's avatar

The mysterious woman that stands to the side, sizing up both men in the street to make their coffin.

cazzie's avatar

I’d be the Doc, I guess and also run the barbershop and bath house. I’d make soap and pass it out and save hundreds of lives. I’d probably work in the bank as well, balancing people’s books and doing the accounting for the brothel/hotel the laundry, the blacksmith, livery, restaurant etc. (think female Simon Tam)

NomoreY_A's avatar

I’d like to be the Cavalry Officer in dirty shirt blue, who runs Fort Comanche down the trail. Give the Indians a fair shake, and enforce the law when necessary. Just give me a mutt named Rin Tin Tin and I’m good to go. And an NCO like John Wayne always had who does his job, but likes his rot gut likker a little too much.

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