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willbrawn's avatar

What are your thoughts on discilpline regarding children?

Asked by willbrawn (6609points) July 8th, 2008 from iPhone

is time out enough? Should spanking still exist? Are parents in the wrong if they spank? What are your thoughts? No dinner?

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19 Answers

xxporkxsodaxx's avatar

Well I believe that a child shouldn’t be struck, but spanking should be an exception. I have a cousin who is 6 and he hits, climbs on, and abuses his mom, he yells everywhere we go, and thinks the world revolves around him, but my aunt just won’t take it to that level for some reason. Sometimes I just want to get up and tell him to be quiet my way. I say it would all depend on the child’s behavior, if the parents let it get that out of control then they’re to blame as well, but it shouldn’t stop them for doing what they need to do for putting them in their place.

SuperMouse's avatar

I try to use logical consequences. My kids are 9, 8, and 6, and this seems to work the best. If they leave the Wii controllers and games all over the floor, the Wii is confiscated for a period of time. If they don’t clean their room, I make the mess disappear and they’ll never see that stuff again. If a kid can’t behave around the rest of the family, he’ll need to spend some time in his room until he can. I have not ever hit my kids and I don’t plan to, I believe the logical consequences make more sense and do a better job of teaching cause and effect.

PupnTaco's avatar

I don’t believe in violence as a solution for anything. Taking away privileges, time outs, and old-fashioned talking will get the job done.

rockstar's avatar

I think it depends on the kid. Some kids will respond when you do put them in time out or restrict their privileges. Others you have to spank in order to make them mind.

vectorul's avatar

Physical discipline in not a good form of punishment, no dinner is a bad form as well because children need nutrition. I believe in a reward program. If you do something wrong something gets taken away. If you do the right thing then you get rewarded.

Kay's avatar

I agree with rockstar; I think it depends on the child and their disposition. I’ve always been super shy and just yelling at me, or my parents raising their voices was enough to keep me in line, while this might not work on other children. I just think some kids are naturally more hyper/out-going and probably need more disciplinary measures (nothing physical though).

tinyfaery's avatar

Most behavior problems is children are due to lack of structure, routine, and consistency. Discipline is as necessary for the parent as the child. The child must know what is expected at all times, and must understand the consequences of going against expectations. Once this is established, parents must not give in to any form of manipulation by the child. Then its just a matter of privileges and consequences; privileges are given and taken away as a matter of consequence.

Violence breeds violence. Showing your child that physical aggression is permissible when one has run out of reasonable responses will only give permission to your child to do the same.

stevenb's avatar

I was spanked a fair amount when I was a child, and I don’t hold it against my parents. There were only a few instances that I did not really deserve it. I think time outs are idiotic. If I had been given time out god knows how I would have turned out. I think 90% of kids laugh at time outs. I have never seen a time out be effective. I have dozens of nieces/nephews, friends kids, etc. The worst behaved kids are ALWAYS the ones who have never been spanked and only get time outs. I am not saying to whip your children, but a spanking does more for a child than a timeout ever will. I got spanked by my parents, my principal, my aunts and uncles, and I think it was good for me. I don’t condone a lot of spanking, but the threat is usually enough to stop most behavior far better than a timeout. I do think logical consequences and rewards work well also, but now and the a spanking is what is needed and what works. I am a very gentle person who frowns at violence, but I think discipline and violence are completely different. People just need to be able to discern between the two.

Rememberme's avatar

Spanking is alright, as long you the parents are consistent with their rules. Time outs work too, but again, their has to be meaning behind it. DONT LET THE KID CONTROL YOU!! also hugs are important, never refuse a hug, even from a manipulative child. Teach children to consider other peoples feelings. Forcing a child to say “sorry”, doesnt mean that they are actually sorry.

Knotmyday's avatar

My parents were big believers in the whole “spare the rod, spoil the child” philosophy. When I was in elementary and junior high, my parents signed a waiver that would allow the school principal to effect corporal punishment.
From personal experience, the fear of being swatted generally outweighed the desire to do bad things.
Interestingly, although I do not remember the pain of spanking, I remember vividly every hurtful word that was spoken to me. I also remember every time I was struck in anger.
Corrective spanking may be an effective tool for teaching consequence, but only if administered with extreme self-control.

KimberlyLD's avatar

Discipline is essential for children. Corporal punishment, every once in a while, is ok, as long as it used for only the most extreme transgressions and only with incredible restraint without the slightest hint of anger. Children for the most part prefer and respond well to consisted rules and boundaries. i.e. “Don’t hit your sister!” (Followed by the hitting of the sister.) “What happens when you hit your sister?” (Puzzled angry child.) “You get a time out. Now go sit (wherever) and think about why you shouldn’t hit your sister. I’ll come talk to you about this in 10 minutes!” Everytime, every transgression has a non-violent but unpleasant repercusssion and the child learns. If the child doesn’t, then after several times it’s time to take it to the next level… but Discipline is about much more than just spanking… it’s about consistency between parents, rules and expectations. Give your children that, and they just might turn out ok…

trudacia's avatar

My mom used to chase me around the house with a wooden spoon…but I deserved it!

gimmedat's avatar

Most important is creating an atmosphere of expectations and structure that fosters respect for oneself and the family as a unit. Consequences, when given, should be immediate, natural and mutually doable on both parts. Those consequences also shouldn’t be a surprise, it should just be a given that if a kid doesn’t know how to act, he/she will have consequences.
I have to say, consistency is KEY! It sucks to stick to your word all the time (especially when you really want to stay at the pool reading the book you just checked out, but told your 10-year-old you would leave if the floaty noodle thing was attached to the water jet again) but consistency and showing that your words have meaning are the building blocks of healthy discipline. Any natural consequence is only as effective as the ones before have proven to be.

gailcalled's avatar

This is such an important issue that I am sending the link containing 95 earlier answers…
from: Spendy: http://www.fluther.com/disc/10670/to-spank-or-not-to-spank/

The consensus from that crowd was not to ever strike a child. Some studies cited and some cogent arguments from experts there.

tinyfaery's avatar

It is not okay to spank your child without anger. Its much easier to explain to a child the connection between anger and violence then calculated violence. You can always tell the child you lost control, and that its not okay to do so. But to reasonably and rationally hurt your child can leave a large disconnect.

stevenb's avatar

@tiny, I was beaten pretty badly by my father and grandfather. I NEVER have felt a disconnect. I may have felt they over reacted, but I understood that. My father has said he was sorry to me recently and I told him he had nothing to be sorry for. I wouldn’t be who I am without all of those things that shaped me. I am very very close to my father, and am known as a very gentle and loving person. I don’t believe that just because someone struck me that I am now a violent person, because it just plain isn’t true. I learned from my mistakes as a child, but also from my fathers. I will spank my kids ONLY as a last resort to very bad behavior, not because they didnt clean their room, etc. I don’t believe that violence begets violence if there is intelligence and empathy involved. Every time I was spanked I knew it hurt my father as well, and that was part of the reason to not misbehave. I respected my father, but also had a little bit of fear of letting him down or disappointing him. I am glad I was spanked.

tinyfaery's avatar

I am too a survivor of childhood abuse; a lot worse than a few spankings. I’m glad you have forgiven him, and that you feel like you are okay despite past experiences. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. In fact, most abused children grow up to be abusers themselves; I just have to look in my own family, and in my work, to see this play out. You are a lucky minority in this case.

tia29's avatar

I agree with knotmyday. We were spanked when we were children. My parents never did it when they were mad and only for serious offenses ie: playing in the street after being told not to or going to a friends house without asking and having the police out looking for you. I don’t regret the spankings or hate my parents, I think it helped make me who I am but it all depends on the parents. I plan to use many ways to discipline my children, including spankings.

YARNLADY's avatar

I do not agree with the “spanking worked for me” crowd. I was spanked as a child also, but my children were not. The only way to a truly civilized society is to act civilized (without violence/hitting). Unfortunately, I will not live to see the day, but I hope it will someday become a reality.

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