Social Question

talljasperman's avatar

Are 37 year old adults are not supposed to have friends like in high school?

Asked by talljasperman (21744points) August 24th, 2014

Or should I just grow up and move on and start hanging out at the mentally ill (schizophrenia) activities offered by my nurse. They don’t welcome D&D in the activities. I hope that they don’t have macaroni art projects like in an adult group home I was in 16 years ago.

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9 Answers

KNOWITALL's avatar

I Think as you get older & know yourself, you are less dependent on others but good friends enrich your life.

Mimishu1995's avatar

Who said that? You can make friends anytime in your life. Having a friend helps you to cope with life. The friendship may not be like that of high school, but at least it’s friendship. There are adults who still enjoy hanging out with friends.

Just be friendly with people. And you will find yourself some good friends.

talljasperman's avatar

@KNOWITALL I went swimming and I stuck out like a sore thumb… Most of the swimmers we toddlers with mom and I couldn’t lane swim until 9 pm and it as 4pm I didn’t want to wait that long. Lane swim is only one hour long… still no one to talk to and I don’t want to take a cab both ways for a one hour swim. I was also one of the fattest men in the pool. I don’t like that. If I had a friend to swim with I wouldn’t be so self conscious.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

From the time we are born, we face change. We change from totally helpless, to become babie who can sit up without help.
We work hard at these changes. Lots of them are frightening. Some are disappointing. When we learn to walk, it is an adventure, but so many babies fear the change. They don’t want to fall down. Learning to walk is an important change though, and must be achieved. One result is being held less often, but another result is going in a direction we choose rather than always where we are carried.

We never, ever stop having changes in our lives. Did you see that Disney movie, Up? If you haven’t, you should. It shows in a very beautiful way how people go through life, have changes, some happy stuff, some unhappy stuff, and some surprises. It also shows us that however old we are, we still face changes. Sometimes they can be wonderful, sometimes disappointing.

You can have friends, no matter what age you are, but that too changes. As our intellect changes, and where we live, and getting jobs, and all the other things which evolve through time, it does affect our friendships. Sometimes friends tire of each other, and move on to new things. Sometimes friends get married, and that changes friendships.
You don’t have to stop having frieds, but how you, “hang out” could become different.


One very important thing to remember is that you have friends on Fluther, and we are here for you. Fluther sees people come and go, but there will always be friends here for you. You might have to give up D&D, I don’t know the situation on that, but you will still find something you can enjoy, I am certain. If not, you let me know. Okay?
About the macaroni art, I’m with you on that. I hope they don’t have you doing that.too. That kind of activity would have me bored to tears.
Hang in there Jas. Soon we will know what changes you face with your new home. You will have us here waiting to talk with you about them.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Talia Try to find the confidence to not care what anyone thinks. Fat or thin, you are special & have a purpose.

janbb's avatar

I do think you need to interact with real live people to start moving on with your life. If it’s at the activity center, go there. You never know who you might meet and other folk in your situation might be great for you. One hour of swimming is also well worth it even if that is not a place where you will make friends. There are many hours in the day to Fluther and play D&D, you need to start living in life. Online friends are good only up to a point.

I know something of what I speak. Two days after my Ex walked out, I joined a walking group. Over time, I have come to make deep friendships with many other single people; it has enabled me to make a whole new life on my own.

Stop thinking of all the reasons why not and do something.

jca's avatar

Join some groups like @janbb suggested. Join a book group – you’ll be reading more and you can meet some people there. Join a walking group – you’ll be exercising, not too strenuously, and you’ll meet people there. Join a bird watching group or something like that – you’ll discover some new interest that enhances your outlook, expands your mind, gets you out and amongst people.

Pack a lunch or grab a cup of coffee and sit in a park and have a peaceful afternoon. Feed your leftovers to the squirrels or birds. Get some sun, observe what’s going on around you, listen to the sounds of nature.

All of it is way better than staying home and watching TV or playing video games.

You’re not limited to suggestions from the nurse. This is your life and you’re free to live it in whatever way works for you.

Yanaba's avatar

Jasper…It’s been a long time since we’ve talked and I so rarely come on here any more, but I can’t emphasize enough how much I think you should find a local hackspace or makerspace or fablab to join, maybe even help run.

A Hackspace, if you have the choice between several in your area.

You are not alone and there are LOADS of people with similar interests to you who will make dumb Cthulu jokes and quote xkcd and talk bullshit philosophy and tell you Chinese swearing from Firefly, and teach you anything and everything from electronics to building quadcopters to fire dancing or anything you want.

Between what you say here and things in your profile, I really think it would be a potentially life-changing experience for you to find one of these places – it is for a lot of people! And it’s not a cult :p though I might be making it sound like one. It’s a tribe of knowledge- and tool-sharers and I would love to see whether that suits you!

There is one starting up in Red Deer, though they don’t have enough people it looks like yet:!topic/red-deer-hackerspace/aAbbE9CgFrg . It’s been awhile since they were active, but I’d post there saying you’re up for meeting if anyone else is, and see what happens.

If you’re unfamiliar with what I’m talking about, I would read up about hackspaces on wikipedia to start with, and google Vancouver’s hackspace and places like HackLabTO in Toronto and Pumping Station One in Chicago. These things are springing up everywhere (I would know). When you’re confident you understand a bit about what this movement is, join the IRC chat channel of one or two of them if you can—the Freenode online IRC client is the best way for someone new: . It’s the most ancient ridiculous chat network dating back from the first Gulf War, but it’s how a lot of techies and hackers and makers communicate these days. Type #hacklabto in the channel name field to drop in on Toronto’s channel, for instance. You might have to ask into silence for someone to tell you about their hackspace, the first time, but that’s normal, everyone has this thing running in the background on their computer. No biggie at all.

I also know there are other spaces out near you. According to this:, Edmonton has a space called ENTS, and Calgary one called Protospace. I’m not familiar enough with them to know if they’re “real” rough and tumble CCC-type old skool hackspaces or new shiny expensive paid ones, but it’s a start.

Alternatively, I’d look around where you are and see if the “Men’s Sheds” organization has any locations near you. They’re a woodworkers and tool users and social hangout group, though they do allow women apparently (their name annoys me though). Lots of people have really liked what they do and say a side effect is better mental health from hanging around other men and having more friends.

I hope this makes sense, had to type in a real hurry! Good luck!

Bootsiebaby's avatar

I turn 37 in November and my school friends are still my friends now. Of course adults are supposed to have friends. I am very loyal to mine. :)

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