Social Question

Dutchess_III's avatar

Is it just me, or do you have no desire to see a pregnant woman's tummy exposed?

Asked by Dutchess_III (42856points) August 25th, 2014

I just don’t get what’s with the picture-taking of pregnant women and their “Baby bumps.” It seems…tacky I guess? Am I the only one who feels that way?

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129 Answers

syz's avatar

Sigh. Why does every women I know who gets pregnant act like they just invented it? I get that it’s a life-changing event for you, but those 3.5 billion other women on the planet having babies are probably pretty impressed with themselves, too.

hominid's avatar

What about an exposed tummy in a convenience store? :)

What’s wrong with being excited about your pregnancy and embracing the amazing physical changes that accompany it?

Dutchess_III's avatar

I remember watching Judge Judy and one of the witnesses was a very pregnant girl. She was sitting off to the side in a chair and she rubbed her belly constantly. Judge Judy finally told her to knock it off, she wasn’t the first woman to have a baby.

Sure, it’s exciting. But what makes these woman think everyone wants to see all the graphic details? I mean, I didn’t. And I didn’t constantly rub my belly, either, like many women seem to do. I don’t get that, either.

Aster's avatar

Tacky and the worst is when they wear a bikini. Nutty people. Modesty is gone .

Dutchess_III's avatar

Modesty…that’s what I was looking for.

Pachy's avatar

I have no burning desire to see a fully exposed pregnant woman but I have no problem with it, either. I certainly don’t regard it as “tacky.”

majorrich's avatar

I kinda like the “Alien” look of hands and feet on the surface when the baby moves. It is also kind of disturbing.

canidmajor's avatar

It is amazing, and the first time a woman goes through it is amazing. (Well, maybe not for you, @Dutchess_III, I’m sure you were very sensible and discreet). The advent of social media and the relaxing of strict societal codes that dictated that women behave like it’s somehow shameful now make it OK for women to be excited about this momentous thing. Yeah, we know other women do it, and I, personally, am thrilled for them.

As for Judge Judy telling a woman to stop rubbing her own pregnant belly, WTF? When I was pregnant the first time, my belly itched because the skin was stretching. Rubbing gave me a bit of relief.

Don’t like it? Don’t look at it.

downtide's avatar

I don’t think it’s any more tacky than exposing a non-pregnant belly. And Judge Judy can go suck a lemon.

elbanditoroso's avatar

I disagree with the “keep it covered” crowd.

I think that pregnant women are sexy and baby bumps (or baby basketballs) are nothing to be ashamed of. At some level, pregnancy is the apex of a woman’s biological capabilities, and it should be celebrated, not hidden.

Mens’ butt-cracks are for more offensive to me than a pregnant woman’s belly.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, considering it took me three years to get pregnant with the first one, @canidmajor, and battled the tears and fears that I could never have any children, yeah “excited” doesn’t begin to describe it.
I also dislike those skin tight t-shirts that display every inch, including the belly button beginning to extrude.

@downtide re Judge Judy…it was very annoying.

hominid's avatar

In all seriousness, are people really upset that their friends and family are going through what is one of the most profound experiences of their lives, and may happen to share a photo of it?

@syz – I’m quite stumped by this response. The fact that human pregnancy is not rare takes away from the experience in….what way? It seems to me that there is nothing you or I can experience that is unique to the human experience. How does that diminish our experiences?

We’re alive for a few moments, and some people have profound and beautiful experiences. If they choose to share them with friends and family, what is the harm? Why can’t you feel happy for them? Maybe there is something else going on?

Dutchess_III's avatar

I never said anyone should be ashamed. Why would you think that @elbanditoroso? I think the words I’m looking for, as @Aster said, “modesty.” And dignity.
And I agree with the butt crack crack (ha ha,) but for the same reasons. I mean, is there any reason for anyone to be ashamed of their butt?

ucme's avatar

I think that it’s (pregnant pause)…perfectly fine.

Dutchess_III's avatar

:D

When I got pregnant with my first one, I took forEVER to start showing! I was wearing maternity clothes in my 3rd month, even though there was nothing there at all.
At one point I was at my oldest daughter’s school (I wasn’t her bio mom) and took the opportunity to weigh myself. I said, “Good. I’ve gained 15 pounds.”
This lady looked at me curiously. It’s not often women get happy about gaining weight.
I said, “Oh. I’m 6 months pregnant.” I just didn’t show.

zenzen's avatar

I also don’t get it, sorry Demi.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Yeah, she started it!

syz's avatar

@hominid I’m not diminishing the experience for the mother and her immediate family – but I pretty much never get inundated with pictures, the weekly side view, the updates on what clothes no longer fit, the listing of new pains and new strange body exudates, breast feeding debates, cloth versus disposable debates, udder balm on the nipples plans, age appropriate cereal feeding debates, maternal urination schedules, posts, sonogram images, breathing technique demos, hemorrhoid updates, party invitations, comments, quips, cervical dilation measurements, (blah, blah, blah) for any other human experience. I am happy for a mother who’s happy to be pregnant. I just don’t need a 9 month blow-by-blow as if it’s never happened to anyone else. If I didn’t want to see a naked picture of you before, why would I want to see a naked picture of you with a distended belly? And no, I really don’t want to watch your birth video.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I Think it’s private. @Dutchess Maybe it’s a Midwest modesty thing?

hominid's avatar

@syz – It sounds like you are disinterested in social media. That’s fine. I don’t do Facebook and those types of things because I don’t enjoy the dynamic. Are you opposed to other expressions and photos of joy in the context of Facebook, or is it just pregnancy photos?

Note: I have no experience with being bombarded with photos of my friends’ pregnancy photos, so I’m not sure if this is reaching epidemic levels on others’ Facebook feeds.

Also, I suppose you wouldn’t have enjoyed our belly cast or belly painting parties we had at our house. :)

Dutchess_III's avatar

It just isn’t attractive. At all. Especially in the later months when they’re getting stretch marks and that black line down the middle and their belly button is protruding. The earlier months? Meh. Doesn’t bother me.

Dutchess_III's avatar

You ain’t missin’ nothing. People posting selfie after seflie and many of them are really unattractive. Most of them are mostly boobs, and it’s the same girls posting the same boobs, over and over.

syz's avatar

@hominid Nope, most of those occur in person – conversations of such a personal nature with people I don’t know that well that would never occur under any other circumstances (when else would a coworker discuss her rectum and her vagina with me?!?). I suppose I could inform them that I’m really not interested, but seems rather rude. Usually I try avoidance, instead.

” Are you opposed to other expressions and photos of joy in the context of Facebook, or is it just pregnancy photos?” As I tried to explain, I can’t think of any other life experience that requires that I be subjected to almost 9 months of such an excess of information. Graduation photo – great. Wedding album – fine. Discussion of hemorrhoids – just not that interesting to me.

hominid's avatar

@syz: “As I tried to explain, I can’t think of any other life experience that requires that I be subjected to almost 9 months of such an excess of information.”

This isn’t about you. Part of the price of being social is that you are subjected to some level of listening to what interests and/or concerns these people. You are free to cut them off or tell them that you’re not interested. But the fact is, from their perspective, there is likely nothing more important than what they are going through for those 9 months. Then you’ll have to deal with the insufferable talk about their children.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Hominid Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, keep your belly & mucus plugs to yourself please. Geesh.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I can suffer through non-stop talk about their kids. No problem with that. They (and you guys) get to suffer through my non-stop chatter about my grandkids!

canidmajor's avatar

@Dutchess_III: “It just isn’t attractive. At all. Especially in the later months when they’re getting stretch marks and that black line down the middle and their belly button is protruding.”
@KNOWITALL: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Keep your belly & mucus plugs to yourself please. Geesh” (“Mucus plugs”? How did I miss mucus plugs?)

Harsh.
Heaven forbid someone who has unattractive scars or bad hair should try to have a normal life out in the world where you guys live.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Canid We are talking pregnancy in a conservative area. We don’t suckle in public either. You city folk are crazy.

Dutchess_III's avatar

(I suckled in public. But I didn’t hang my boob out for everyone to see. People right next to me didn’t know I was nursing. They just thought I was holding a sleeping baby.)

Aethelwine's avatar

I’m in the MIdwest and I think a pregnant naked belly is a beautiful thing. Please quit making us MIdwesterners look bad.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Jonsblond Several jellies don’t waant to see it, it’s okay to disagree.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@jonsblond I’m in the Midwest too. I think pregnancy is beautiful. I know mine sure was. On a personal level. See my photo comment just above your comment, for a beautiful pregnant belly.

Aethelwine's avatar

If it’s ok to disagree, then why did you just send me a rude pm @KNOWITALL?

Aethelwine's avatar

Here’s the tilde I should have used for my first answer

~

canidmajor's avatar

It is comparable, @Dutchess_III, when you specifically state that your objection is:
“It just isn’t attractive. At all. Especially in the later months when they’re getting stretch marks and that black line down the middle and their belly button is protruding.”

We understand that this is one of many things of which you don’t approve. I’m sorry that all of these things bother you so much, it must be distressing.

elbanditoroso's avatar

@Dutchess_III – here’s the problem. You took a rather extreme case and make it the rule.

You could have taken any of 100,000 other examples which were less extreme.

Example: from Google Images

Go to Google Images and enter the words “pregnant women” and you will see everything from the demure to the extreme.

hominid's avatar

@KNOWITALL: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, keep your belly & mucus plugs to yourself please. Geesh.”

Wow.
What I find beautiful is when a friend of mine is having a profound experience and can’t help but express it.
Nobody is forcing you to have close people in your life that may want to share their love of life with you. And you are free to find a small group friends who don’t plan on getting pregnant or would never want to express their excitement in this way.

But it makes me sad to think that people just can’t be happy for the people they love.

Response moderated
jca's avatar

To me, when anybody posts anything that does not interest me, I just keep scrolling down, look away, whatever. No need to think negative thoughts when possible. There are so many things that I could have negative opinions about. Bride-zillas, whatever. Let people be happy for what they’re happy for. Let people push interests or causes that they want to. I have neither the time nor the energy to get upset about all these things.

As far as mucous plugs, nobody ever gave me those details in a casual conversation. Yes, when women talk about their deliveries with other women who have delivered then it can get graphic. However, I haven’t yet heard gory details unless I participate in those conversations, and before having a baby myself, I didn’t participate because I could not relate. I wouldn’t go talking about graphic details unless I felt the other person would comprehend. If mucous plugs are part of the every day conversation at your water cooler, then you’re standing around the water cooler way too long! :)

Response moderated
canidmajor's avatar

Hear, hear, @jca! I have not yet relinquished control of how I react to people on Facebook or other social media when the subject is so undamaging. I scroll down, click away, look away, whatever.

@jonsblond: You mean you don’t have absolute control of everything your husband says and does and thinks and feels at all times? I am shocked, I tell you, SHOCKED!

Response moderated
Coloma's avatar

Pregnant women are beautiful, but these are just bizarre. lol

www.oddee.com/item_97889.aspx

Check out number # 13. LMAO!

elbanditoroso's avatar

@Coloma – #6 is just plain creepy

Coloma's avatar

@elbanditoroso I know! Number 3 is pretty strange too. haha

livelaughlove21's avatar

But what makes these woman think everyone wants to see all the graphic details?

Showing your belly is “graphic” in what way?

“It just isn’t attractive. At all.”

Says who? You? Then it must be true! (I believe it was Dr. Seuss who said that first.~)

I have absolutely no problem with pregnant women showing their bellies, wearing bikinis, wearing tight tops, or rubbing their bellies. It’s not “tacky” at all, whatever that means. It’s their bodies – they are free to do whatever the hell they want. I mean, there are women with bodies far from the ideal that wear bikinis. So once you start showing during pregnancy or put on a few pounds or end up with stretch marks for one reason or another, you’re supposed to cover it all up with baggy “modest” clothing because some asshole might have an issue with it? Yeah, screw that.

Judging from this and previous questions, I think someone is a little too concerned about the appearance of others in public. Can’t we just mind our own business?

Dutchess_III's avatar

So, plumber’s crack is fine, too @livelaughlove21? Very attractive. It’s his body, he can show what he wants, right?

canidmajor's avatar

Yeah, that’s a compelling point, @Dutchess_III. ~

But you know what? Yeah, I don’t mind that the plumber may have slightly ill-fitting pants, and working under a sink in a squatty position isn’t conducive to waist bands staying neatly up at the waist. As long as said plumber is not displaying the aforementioned ass-crack deliberately and in a threatening fashion, I don’t care. I don’t look.

The fact that you compare a pregnant woman’s pride and excitement in her impending parenthood to an inadvertent wardrobe glitch is just silly.
Really.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@Dutchess_III Like @candidmajor said, I don’t have to look. And it’s hardly the same thing – the exposed butt crack isn’t usually an intentional thing.

The level of attractiveness really depends on the plumber. Some butt cracks I wouldn’t mind seeing.

Dutchess_III's avatar

It may not be intentional, but, for the life of me, I can’t imagine that much of my backside being exposed and not realize it. Wind, sun, cold, whatever. They just don’t care, I guess.

Aster's avatar

If it’s a beautiful thing to expose a lovely, bare, pregnant belly in a bikini what about bare breasts engorged with Nature’s baby milk? Why stop with the stomach?

hominid's avatar

^ Is this thread about to take a pro-burqa/hijab/niqab turn?

Aethelwine's avatar

omg, boobies!

canidmajor's avatar

@hominid: yeah, I think so, and the main proponents of this seem to be women. Sad.

@jonsblond: a horrifying concept. Why, there are some days that I’m tempted to rip mine right off, so I don’t have to acknowledge them.

OpryLeigh's avatar

This question has me torn. I agree with @syz (I’m a fan of STFU, Parents) but I also agree with @canidmajor. I do get bored of daily updates on how much a bump has grown or details of the woman’s heart burn or what food she now hates that she used to love etc etc but, as others have said, it is easy enough to just scroll past them. However, I do not mind one little bit if a woman wears a bikini while pregnant or wears a really tight tshirt that shows of her belly button popping out. I wouldn’t say I find it beautiful but I also don’t consider it to be tacky or lacking in modesty. I just assume that when you are pregnant you spend a lot of time trying to be comfortable while still feeling good about the way you look so I try not to judge the woman’s choice of clothing.

jca's avatar

An interesting question to ask would be do others find it objectionable when an obese female wears revealing clothing? There was an article on Huff Post yesterday about it. An op-ed piece.

Aethelwine's avatar

@jca I wouldn’t say I would enjoy looking at an obese female in revealing clothing, but I also wouldn’t be appalled. The only thing I don’t want to see hanging out of clothes is a penis or a vagina.

jca's avatar

I am tempted to ask the question, but I am not in the mood to be verbally attacked (even though I would keep my opinion out of the q).

Dutchess_III's avatar

Rolls of exposed fat and cellulite are just not attractive. I think we feel that on an instinctive level. Being obese = not healthy.

canidmajor's avatar

What I enjoy seeing, and what I figure everyone has an intrinsic right to show, are two different things. The whole concept of being outraged or offended by how people look is anathema to me. There is a lot of stuff I don’t like looking at, so I…don’t look. I’m sure there are people who don’t like to look at me, as well. They are rarely required to.

elbanditoroso's avatar

@Dutchess_III – you’re changing the subject. You started out carping about pregnant women and didn’t have a lot of success with that argument.

So now you’re trying to rail against overweight people. That wasn’t your original gripe.

The way I see it, you have issues with people who don’t meet your standard of thinness. OK, that’s fine. We get it.

Not everyone agrees.

canidmajor's avatar

I would love to see a rule instated on the internet where any complaint about appearance, body type, weight, unattractiveness etc on open fora must be accompanied by a recent, undoctored picture of the complainer so all can have a baseline of what is appropriate to work from

Seems only fair.

elbanditoroso's avatar

@canidmajor – sort of a “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” rule?

canidmajor's avatar

Well, yeah, actually. :-)
I have seen questions and posts (not only here) that decry bullying by the same people who ask Qs that promote fat-bashing. It’s easy to be mean when no one is looking at you and being mean right back.
This thread supposedly started under the guise of modesty and good taste.
Gotta love the irony.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@elbanditoroso I didn’t change the subject. I answered @jca‘s question.

Well, according to you, @canidmajor, there should be no such thing as modesty or good taste, no standards for that, so what does it matter?

elbanditoroso's avatar

@Dutchess_III – “good taste” and “modesty” are inherently subjective.

Whose standards should be used to decide what is “good taste”? Yours? Mine? My 87-year-old mother’s?

Dutchess_III's avatar

I think we all have generally the same idea of good taste, whether you want to admit it or not.

hominid's avatar

@Dutchess_III: “I think we all have generally the same idea of good taste, whether you want to admit it or not.”

^ Did I just read that? Do you really believe that? What are your thoughts on whether this question is in “good taste” or not?

jca's avatar

@Dutchess_III: The second picture didn’t load for me (the good taste one).

livelaughlove21's avatar

Way to pick two extremes as if that proves anything at all. Like I said, if you’ve got some extra pounds on you, according to @Dutchess_III, you should cover as much of your skin as possible in order to avoid looking “tacky.” I know when I pick out my outfit in the morning, I always think to myself, “hmm…what would @Dutchess_III think of this outfit?”

Out of curiosity, good taste or bad taste? And what about these girls? If you say the first is in bad taste but the second is fine (which I’m assuming you will), tell me why. They’re showing about the same amount of skin and all outfits fit the wearer (no offensive butt cracks or pregnant bellies to be seen), but the first girl is bigger than the others. Now, I’m not asking who you find more attractive or who’s in better shape – this is about what YOU consider to be in good taste. So, is the first girl so hideously overweight that it shouldn’t be acceptable for her to show some leg? How dare she walk out of the house in a skinny woman’s clothes!

Dutchess_III's avatar

Try this @jcahttp://etvoila.info/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/preppy1.jpg

Funny. You crack on me for post “extremes,” then do the same thing @livelaughlove21! A fat black girl, then 4 skinny white girls!
The first one…the outfit just doesn’t flatter her. It looks like she has that belt there to hold up her boobs. I wouldn’t say it’s in bad taste, just not flattering.

On the others, their clothes are hanging loosely, pretty much straight off their shoulders. That’s usually fairly flattering for everyone.

I think a better comparison to this girl would be this.

jca's avatar

The type of clothing I see around my (government office building) employment location is more like the girl in the Huff Post link (bare midriff, large stomach, tight pants)

hominid's avatar

@hominid: “Is this thread about to take a pro-burqa/hijab/niqab turn?”

Apparently, yes.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@jca To the girl who wrote that I have to say, “Ok.”

For some reason this incident comes to mind. It was the late 80’s, and it was a summer evening. I had the kids with me and we went to the….convenience store (AGGHHHHH NO! NOT ANOTHER CONVENIENCE STORE STORY!) I had just come out, got the kids back into their seats when a car pulled up beside me and parked. This black girl got out, dressed to go clubbing. All she had on…and I mean ALL she had on, was a skin tight, fishnet outfit. It was a one piece, ended in shorts that came to just above her knees. She was buck naked underneath, but the holes in the net were pretty small so it wasn’t terribly blatant, but you just knew. You could just tell….and she just rocked it! I’m straight and I followed her with my eyes and my mouth dropped open! Maybe one in 5000 women could have carried that off. She had the most incredible body I’d ever seen. Even my four-year-old daughter said, “Wow.” I just nodded, Yep! Yeah, I got jealous! I wished I had that kind of confidence and moxie.
On anyone else it would have been tacky and probably disgusting and not the least bit sexy.

longgone's avatar

@Dutchess_III
“I think we all have generally the same idea of good taste, whether you want to admit it or not.”

No. Come on, you can’t seriously believe that. Where would this idea come from? Are we born with it? In that case, explain the topless New Guinean tribes (one of many examples)...how do they not know they’re dressing “tackily”?

If you agree that we do not have an innate sense of taste, you will also have to agree that different childhoods will produce just as different adults – each with their own ideas of good taste/bad taste.

If this thread isn’t proof enough.

canidmajor's avatar

While I appreciate your outrage that I disagree with your judgemental questions and posts, @Dutchess_III, your characterizing my post as “there should be no such thing as modesty or good taste” is just another example of overblown silliness. There are people who agree with you, and people who don’t. I don’t. It’s too bad that it seems to be a problem for you. This has gone past any profitable discussion. Have fun with this.
Negating everything I said, there were some very good points made here.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@longgone The New Guinean tribes are dressing according to their culture, so no. They aren’t tacky.

longgone's avatar

^ Huh? Do you not see that you’re contradicting yourself here?

Dutchess_III's avatar

No. They have their standards and the culture they abide by. Different cultures, different ideas of what is attractive
In this country we (used to) have certain standards of modesty and taste, but it’s all going by the wayside. Some for the good, some for the bad.

hominid's avatar

@Dutchess_III: “In this country we (used to) have certain standards of modesty and taste”

We don’t. We never did. And that’s a good thing. Modesty and taste are subjective, like what type of pizza we like.

But none of this has anything to do with your original question.

Do you sense at all that you may be taking a decidedly anti-women position here?

jca's avatar

I used to be about the same size Oprah was at her largest. I am 5 foot 9 and I was about size 22 at the time I went out with this guy. He wanted me to wear low cut jeans showing my stomach (stomach hanging over the jeans, obviously. Not quite as revealing as the girl in the Huff Post link, but still revealing). I said hell no. I would look absolutely ridiculous. Maybe he and 2% of the guys in the population would think that a large girl that size look sexy like that, but I wasn’t comfortable with the thought of dressing like that in public and I was not going to do it. Not that I dress or ever dressed like an old lady, but I felt and still feel like I don’t want to look foolish and I don’t want to be made fun of.

As I stated, where I work, I see all sizes of people dressed all kinds of ways. Believe me, huge women dressed looking what, in my opinion, is totally ridiculous. I understand that’s just an opinion, my opinion, but I agree that in the two photos shown by @Dutchess_III, although the girl in the short skirt does look cute, Oprah looks more appropriate. Then again, Oprah is about 60 and the girl is about 20, so that has something to do with it, too.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Oprah has always been a pretty sharp dresser.

jca's avatar

Yes, she is. I would be too, if all my clothes were custom made! :)

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, yeah!

longgone's avatar

@Dutchess_III
“Different cultures, different ideas of what is attractive.”

And yet, on this very thread, people from your country have repeatedly disagreed with your standards. How does that happen, then?

livelaughlove21's avatar

@Dutchess_III Seems you missed the point I was trying to make, but proved me right in the process. I didn’t ask which was the more flattering outfit, did I? And what the hell does race have to do with it? Would that dress be more or less flattering if the girl was white? And cool it with the BS justifications for your judgmental point of view.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Actually, I think more agreed than disagreed. Those that disagreed are just a lot more vocal about it.

You asked if it was in good taste or bad taste. The outfit on the girl was in good taste, but it wasn’t flattering. The dress would be the same amount of unflattering if the girl was white and had those same proportions.

livelaughlove21's avatar

What exactly do you think we agree on?

Dutchess_III's avatar

Not you and me. Just looking back through the thread there are several people who agree with me. The ones that don’t, like you and @canidmajor, are just a lot louder than the others.

livelaughlove21's avatar

Looks about even to me.

So are you actually going to respond to what we loud folks are saying or are you planning to continue blatantly dodging our questions/points?

Dutchess_III's avatar

I’m not dodging.

livelaughlove21's avatar

Oh, my mistake then.

Good grief…I’m out.

JLeslie's avatar

I thought I would chime in.

I find when the belly button is an outie (outy?) that is ugly, and sometimes when pregnant the belly button starts to pop out. I don’t want to see that. I don’t want to see it naked, and I don’t want to see it in tight fitting clothing. I’m not saying women “should” care about what I want to see, I am just telling you I find it unattractive.

If someone is showing their belly grow in social media, have at it. That is completely different to me than walking around town.

I like that the styles for pregnant women do offer a choice not of tighter fitting clothing, along with the old fashioned looser fit to cover the bump. Some women carry of the tighter fit incredibly well and look beautiful. One girlfriend of mine looked amazing in her bathing suit at 6 months. She was obviously pregnant, but the suit look perfect on her. It was a tank style and covered everything, but fit to her skin like any other bathing suit would.

As far as overweight women, at the beach and swimming pool I am all a-ok with some cellulite showing. I don’t think anyone should worry about having to be all covered up at a place meant for sun bathing and swimming. As far as mini small bathing suits, I don’t like too skimpy even on a thin girl. A regular bikini fine. If it is a topless beach even topless I am fine, but I don’t like thong swimsuits, or a barely covered crotch on the sides or top.

My dad basically look pregnant, lol, and he wears a bathing suit. My husband says he is a Volkwagen. Awful I know.

Aside from swimsuits, regular clothing and overweight people, I think sometimes they look ridiculous with rolls of fat hanging out, but it doesn’t drive me crazy. I don’t usually notice unless the clothes are very skimpy, or if it is a young girl (under 22 years old) because I notice her weight more than anything and it is depressing to me such young girls can be so heavy.

Overall, in my opinion, people can wear whatever the hell they want as long as they don’t border on disrespecting people. I think be properly covered at school, church, and at your grandmother’s house. Whatever those places prefer as a dress code.

As far as people having good taste—many don’t. Many don’t understand looking sophisticated at all. So many men like a slutty look and don’t see it as trashy, they see it as feminine. Even many women don’t understand the difference between sexy and slutty, let alone looking sophisticated. As far as dressing in a conservative way, a woman can be sufficiently covered and still look feminine and sexy.

My husband would be fine if I wore something low cut and a mini short skirt, even to an office party of his. His taste in clothing for women is overpowered by his testosterone. I find it dissappointment, although a very minor dissappointment. I would have expected him to have a little more class. It still shocks me after 23 years. He notices fat women and comments if their rolls of fat are hanging out or if their clothes are ridiculously tight. I have never heard him comment about how a pregnant woman dresses ever. I never thought about that before.

fluthernutter's avatar

I think a pregnant belly is beautiful. Mine, a friend’s or a stranger’s. Mothers’ lines, outies and stretch marks.

All of it.

@Dutchess_III You really do have the strangest hang-ups! Sometimes I can’t decide whether to be offended or just confused. Mostly, I end up scratching my head a lot. Ha.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, several people here have agreed with me. I guess they have “strange hang-ups” too.

hominid's avatar

@Dutchess_III: “I guess they have “strange hang-ups” too.”

We all do. Identifying them and robbing them of their power is the good stuff. Growth, freedom, and all that.

fluthernutter's avatar

We all have hang-ups.
And we all judge people.

It’s just not cool to think it’s okay to judge other people who are/have_____, because you are/have _____.

JLeslie's avatar

@fluthernutter Stretch marks usually don’t bother me, but still that belly button popping out does. I know I just jinxed myself. Varicose veins don’t matter to me, cellulite is ok, scars no problem.

We all have our thing.

fluthernutter's avatar

@JLeslie We all have weird hang-ups. I’m certainly no exception.

I’m fine with stretch marks, outies, varicose veins, scars, cellulite—on overweight people. Cellulite on really thin people kind of freak me out.

I once saw this anorexic-thin girl with dimpled cellulite and it weirded me out so much that I still remember it years later.

Yeah. I’ve got issues.

Aethelwine's avatar

I was always insecure about my stretch marks caused by my pregnancies. My husband reassures me and tells me he loves the stretch marks because they are reminders of the children I gave him. I’m so lucky to have his support. After reading some of these comments I’m not surprised why people are insecure about their looks.

jca's avatar

Veins, cellulite, stretch marks – all ok by me. If you have that, and I have it too, I figure it is what it is.

What bothers me is when there’s an obese person who wears too-tight clothing. I was at a fair today and saw some huge people with really tight clothing (i.e. ladies with tank tops, huge stomachs hanging over their pants, I mean huge). That I just don’t understand. Do they not look in the mirror before leaving the house?

Aethelwine's avatar

And so I practice turning people into trees

^A friend posted this tonight to fb. Made me think of this Q

Dutchess_III's avatar

@jca, do you show your stretch marks off?

@jonsblond some people should be concerned about their looks. “Wear the clothes that fit your body, not the body you wish you have.”

I’ve changed my clothing as my body as changed. I don’t try and dress like I’m still 20.

I think extreme overweight is instinctively repulsive.

canidmajor's avatar

I think that the reason this Q has stayed with me, even after I thought I was done, is because Fluther is an open forum. When anybody comments negatively about appearance (fat-bashing seems to be a favorite topic here) it is essentially the same as pointing to such a person in a public place and making rude remarks within earshot.
This is not a closed circle of friends, here. You may have been here for a long time and think you know a bunch of people, but you probably don’t, not really.

I’m not talking about questions about health (which this is not), nor am I talking about the “What do you find attractive” kinds of questions.

This started as an “I don’t like (insert behavior/appearance description here) amirite?” type of Q and degenerated into the OP giving example after example of appearance things she finds unattractive. How many people that read this open forum fit those descriptions? How many have seen other questions that go like this and don’t participate or come back?

I know you can say anything you want here, and I know that people who don’t have a “thick skin” are not welcome here, but there is big difference between a question that promotes an intelligent discussion about health or politics or culture or furniture or food, and something like this.

Taste is subjective. In my opinion, it is not good taste to point and comment negatively, whether IRL or virtually.

jca's avatar

@Dutchess_III: No, I don’t show them off. I’m a jeans and tee shirt girl, pretty much, in my time off. At work, I am fortunate that I can dress fairly casually at work and so it’s not a whole lot different when I’m there. Body-wise, my body’s far from perfect but I try to dress appropriately for my size (5 foot 9, size 16).

fluthernutter's avatar

@canidmajor I hear what you’re saying. But I also think there’s value to having a space to discuss why these hang-ups aren’t healthy.

JLeslie's avatar

@canidmajor Of course taste is subjective. I think it isn’t a bad thing for people to know how parts of society view certain things. Whether fair or not, we are judged by our appearance. Not only the caddy girls in school, but doctors, judges, and many other people who interact with us make assumptions based on our appearance, or treat us a certain way without even realizing they are reacting to our appearance.

I certainly don’t want anyone to be obsessed with some small “flaw” on their body, but weight does affect our health and can in some ways affect society at large. Obviously regnant is not a flaw of any sort, that is a totally different thing, but people have ideas of what pregnancy should look like, or dress like, and so even if it is on a subconscious level, people react to even pregnant women by how they dress, carry themselves, etc.

It’s not about thick skin, it’s about we are being honest in our answers. Some of them might sound petty or prejudiced, but they are honest. Is it better people edit themselves like they would face to face with the fat person in front of them? How does that help the overweight person who didn’t get the promotion or doesnt get as high a salary, or whose doctor is not taking some of her aches and pains seriously, because he dismisses it all as weight related. None of those things are ok, but it is reality.

jca's avatar

@canidmajor: Fluther is full of people giving opinions, and whether we agree with them or not, or like them or not, it’s good to know what people think. Like @JLeslie points out, there is value in that. We are judged by others by our appearance in many circles. This is why cops wear uniforms, why people dress a certain way at work, why politicians have a certain “look,” why if I were to approach a stranger and ask for bus money, I’d likely get a better response the way I look now than if I wore dirty clothes and had messy hair.

canidmajor's avatar

The point of my post was not about about whether or not we should address these subjects, it was about about the “I think that person looks icky and I don’t like it” aspect of these things.
Do you guys really not see the difference between being aware of health issues and identifying cultural and occupational differences by appearance and saying “fat people are repulsive”? Really? Well, then, be sure to tell that to the next fat person you see, because they probably don’t know it.
If you’re asking for bus money from strangers, the chances are pretty good you don’t have access to the means to keep yourself neat and clean and well-dressed.

Reread my post. I addressed the simple act of appearance judgement for its own sake.

JLeslie's avatar

It reminds me of an episode of Oprah many years ago where a white man had makeup done to make him look like a black man. He stood out on a busy sidewalk in a city as the white man asking for directions and then did it as a black man and then concluded, and so did Oprah, that raise is still alive and well. What really pissed me off about the little study he conducted was that as the black man he dressed completely differently than when he was a white man. I believe it was how he was dressed that mattered a lot more than his skin color.

I don’t want the Q to now branch of into a race discussion, but this goes to overweight also. If a person is overweight, but still dressed well her weight will likely be largely ignored. If she is in tight clothes with her naked fat bulging out it will work against him or her. Hell, even a thin man or woman dressed inappropriately might be judged in a way that is unbecoming to them or in a way they don’t actually identify with.

JLeslie's avatar

@canidmajor Going up to someone and saying they look repulsive is different than answering on fluther. Here people are looking for honest comments, advice, answers, and opinions. In every day life we shouldn’t just give our opinion out loud to everyone we walk by. If a friend asks for my advice about their weight I would encourage them to lose weight if they were inclined to do so. My dad has been very fat my whole life, I don’t judge him for it. I think my mom is a little repulsed as he has become fatter and fatter.

I do sometimes tell people who look too thin or tanorexic they look that way. They tend to be in denial. Most people who are overweight are aware of their overweighted-ness.

jca's avatar

@canidmajor: I’m not saying fat people are repulsive. Read my description of my height and size. I’m not thin. I’m saying people should dress appropriately for their size.

fluthernutter's avatar

@canidmajor A lot of the comments on this thread make me uncomfortable (including my own). But I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing. These issues should be addressed.

I think the take-away lesson is this (if I can be so bold): we all judge people. Mostly it stems from the fact that we judge ourselves. Everyone says that we shouldn’t judge others. But not very many people are reminded not to judge themselves.

This is really the root of it. If we stop judging ourselves, we’ll stop judging others. It’s a vicious cycle because we see our flaws in other people.

jca's avatar

People are honest on Fluther about every other topic in the world. Why would or should this one be any different?

jca's avatar

My point about asking for bus money from strangers is that people are judgmental. Whether it’s for clothes or cleanliness or whatever, we live in a judgmental world.

Aethelwine's avatar

I’m probably going to get bashed for saying this, but I noticed something I can’t ignore. Remember, I’m just being honest since that’s what we do here at Fluther. It’s mostly middle age middle-to-upper class white women here on this Q who are telling us how they are grossed out by fat, poor looking people.

jca's avatar

@jonsblond: That’s a good observation.

In my case, it’s not fat people that gross me out (I will repeat one more time I’m not thin, again from my size and height given above, also my FB friends on Fluther can attest to that). It’s people dressing inappropriately (in my opinion, and I understand it’s just my opinion) for their size.

JLeslie's avatar

@jonsblond That might be true, I’m not sure. I also am white upper middle class and the fat was not my big thing either like @jca. My biggest complaint was the belly button pop.

I’m not repulsed or grossed out by the weight, or many other things I named, I was just talking about the realities of being judged in society. I recently also posted on another Q about how doctors judge us on the way we are dressed and present ourselves down to it can be marked on our health chart.

I do admit to being upset, meaning bothered by it, saddened, when I see fat children. Once in a blue moon they might actually have a medical problem causing the weight problem or a medicine they have to take can cause weight gain. I also admits that weight on young people can make them look so much older than they are in my eyes. A 22 year old can look 35. That saddens me too. There are a few cultures that fatten up there girls around age 14 to make them attractive for men. That makes me sick. They are practically force fed.

JLeslie's avatar

Actually, I just went through the thread and I don’t think it is the upper middle class white women really complaining about fat, and we even pointed out cellulite, veins popping, and other things done bother us.

In fact it is many of our lower, lower middle class jellies who seem rather negative about the pregnant women, and some weight related things, but we can’t say that is true across the board. I think it is all over the map in each social class.

Dutchess_III's avatar

If you have a tribe of 50 people or so, living off the land, either as a hunter-gatherers or an agriculturally based people, and everyone is pulling their own weight, working hard every day for the good of the whole tribe, and you have one member of the tribe who consistently eats the limited rations of three or four people, that could be a problem. If you have a bunch of members of the tribe doing that, someone else is liable to starve to death. We spent hundreds and thousands of years living that way and developing “opinions” about it.

It’s only been in the last 100 years or so that we developed a society of machines that eased the burden of having to work one’s butt off all day, every day, to survive. Before that time, Kings and Cardinals and royalty were the only people who had the luxury of becoming over weight.

jca's avatar

Relevant:

Welcome to Amsterdam sign:

When it’s hot, please dress for the body you have, not for the body you want.

https://www.google.com/search?q=welcome+to+amsterdam+sign&espv=2&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=1M4FVLiGHMe7ggTOw4CgBw&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ&biw=1274&bih=947#facrc=&imgdii=&img

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