Social Question

JLeslie's avatar

Men: have you ever been afraid a woman might harm you physically?

Asked by JLeslie (61201points) September 17th, 2014

If not, please answer no. If yes please describe the situation.

Was it a stranger in a bar or on the street? This especially I am curious about. Do you ever when you go to the bathroom or step into an elevator that a woman also standing there might harm you?

Someone you were dating?

What about a man? How often do men make you nervous? Make you worry about your safety?

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47 Answers

hominid's avatar


@JLeslie: “What about a man? How often do men make you nervous? Make you worry about your safety?”

Rarely, but there are times when I am occasionally nervous about my safety.

rojo's avatar


Well, other than my mom and I probably deserved that

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

No, I’ve never been afraid of a woman. And the only men I’m careful around are the crazy one’s. Ithaca had a crazy homeless man. He was one I was careful with.

snowberry's avatar

Yes, for my hubby. I’m sure most of them were men, but some of them have been women. Some of them have threatened his life. I’m sure he’s never gotten used to it, but he has learned how to deal with them.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Seriously harm me no, hurt me from time to time yes, Mrs Squeeky when she is really mad,my mother inlaw, and my own mother.
Strange women NO!

Dutchess_III's avatar

Interesting. I’ve been scared and threatened by strange men more times than I can count, and physically hurt by a man once.

cookieman's avatar

By a woman: No

By a man: Rarely since becoming an adult. I’m a pretty big, serious-looking dude with a deep voice. I’ve had no issues.
I was bullied as a child though.

ucme's avatar

Yeah, kinda.
When you’re shagging your girlfriends’ sister, then some shit is going to hit the fan eventually.
Never been scared of a bloke, I despise confrontation & avoid it wherever/whenever possible, but if i’m pushed then watch out fella!

Dutchess_III's avatar

Gee, wish I had that option of having a good chance at winning a fight with a man.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

No, but I had one take a swing at me once. Dumb bitch. When I grabbed her wrist as her fist came at me, I twisted her arm around to where her elbow joint was exposed to me, and I feigned ramming my fist through it in order to snap her skinny ass arm in two, then I pulled her into me and simulated three quick jabs with my elbow into her face which would have taken out her front teeth, her nose, and her sinuses, she got the message. It takes less than two seconds to complete this maneuver. That is what I would have done to her if she were a man.

The message is this: Never go there, the man may not be such a gentleman next time.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Exactly @Espiritus_Corvus. I’ve hit a man exactly one time. I was 17 or so, still living at home. My younger sister brought home some loser dude. We were standing in my room talking. I don’t remember what rude thing he said, but I watched enough TV to know that the response should be to slap him indignity. So I did. He backhanded me back, knocked me clear across the room, where I landed on the bed. They quickly left after that.

Learned my lesson.

wildpotato's avatar

@Dutchess_III “Gee, wish I had that option of having a good chance at winning a fight with a man.”

You do have this option: take a women’s self-defense class or a krav maga class.

gondwanalon's avatar

My kindergarten teacher tortured me and one babysitter about drowned me in the kitchen sink. But other than that I’ld say no except for the fact that I’ve been terrified of women my entire life. HA!

Dutchess_III's avatar

@wildpotato, I have taken self defense courses. At one time I was a 2nd degree yellow in Taekwon-Do. My only chance would be to get one, good shot in and hope he doesn’t get up until I’m gone. The odds are still in the man’s favor.

Dutchess_III's avatar

How’d your teacher torture you @gondwanalon? And why did the babysitter try to drown you. What did you do to deserve it! ;)

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

I never feel intimidated by a woman standing in an elevator with me, passing in a stairwell, or any place else.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Then you can’t possibly begin to understand what it’s like to be a woman.

flutherother's avatar

I am never afraid a woman might harm me physically but meeting a very beautiful woman in a confined space used to make me nervous and tongue tied. Not so much now.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Not since I was a kid. There were nuns in my grade school who recognized the efficacy of stark naked fear!

ibstubro's avatar

Other than my mother, grandmothers, sister and teachers?

Honestly, I have had encounters with women at yard sales where I thought they were going to snatch me bald headed! Altercations that kicked in my ‘fight or flight’ response. I stood my ground.

gondwanalon's avatar

@Dutchess_III My kindergarten teacher lied to me, forcefully grabbed my face with her fist twice in her office, scolded me and made me sit in her office and watched the other kids drink punch and eat cake and cookies. My offense was talking during nap time and being an ugly looking little kid. I can’t recall what I did to make my babysitter freak out. I was about 4 and was most likely acting up. She really got my attention. I was truly afraid that that bitch was going to kill me..

rojo's avatar

@ibstubro Just give up the frikken’ tea cozy, it isn’t worth the ass kicking!

Dutchess_III's avatar

Oh @gondwanalon…I am so sorry. No kid, I don’t care who, deserves that. Soooo sorry. Must have been terrifying. I smack them both in my mind.

Ohhhh! @ibstubro Stood his ground against humans whose ass he could probably easily kicked! Ass kicking number one!

wildpotato's avatar

@Dutchess_III “My only chance would be to get one, good shot in and hope he doesn’t get up until I’m gone.”

With your background as a beginner in taekwondo, I agree that is all you could likely do. Fortunately, for female practitioners of krav maga there tend to be significantly more options. Taekwondo has value as a sport, but it does not usually do a great job of teaching real-life threat neutralization.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@wildpotato You’re the one who suggested that I ”...... tak(ing) a women’s self-defense class” might be enough to win a fight with a man. The taekwando I practiced was above and beyond any “woman’s self defense class,” (which I took for a semester in college) and far more training that 95% of women have, but that still isn’t enough? Geez. You expect every woman to become a black belt so we can protect ourselves?
The vast majority of women CAN NOT expect to win in a physical altercation with a man, I don’t care how many “self defense” courses she takes.

wildpotato's avatar

@Dutchess_III “The vast majority of women CAN NOT expect to win in a physical altercation with a man, I don’t care how many “self defense” courses she takes.”

This is my main point of contention; sorry for confusing the issue with debate over the relative merits of different styles. Taekwondo, krav maga, boxing, whatever – the point is that most women can, in fact, train in some form of self defense enough that she can expect, not to “win” – this is not a contest, and should not be framed as such – but to have a decent chance of neutralizing a threat by a man. Your attitude strikes me as unrealistically defeatist.

Dutchess_III's avatar

IF she fights. Most women tend to try to placate a man, or talk him out of it, before taking physical action. I stopped one guy from raping me by telling him I was on my period. It happens that I actually was and offered to show him the tampex as proof. That pretty much dropped his dick and I was able to leave.

Not only that, some class you took 10 years ago, but have practiced since, isn’t going to do much practical good. Unless you’re suggesting that we women should practice our self defense techniques every single day, just in case.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I’m going to share a story with you that I shared with @hominid in PM.

My EX husband once told me that if I got raped it would be my own fault, because I was strong enough to fight off any man (he was pissy because I had thoroughly trounced him in a Taekwondo sparring match in our basement a few days earlier. I was a 2nd degree yellow, he was a guy. He thought that being a guy should be enough to win.) I was stronger than average, in really good shape, and so I suppose I had a better chance than most…IF I didn’t freeze up, which I probably would. I think it’s in most woman to submit and try to placate, rather than fight. Needless to say, his comment really pissed me off.

I bid my time. A couple of weeks later we were at a lumber yard, and this huge black guy, about 6’ 7”, 300 pounds, just huge and muscle bound, loaded our wood. As we left I said, “What would you do if that guy wanted to hurt you or something?”
My ex said, “Well, not a whole lot I could do, ha ha!”
So, in pure womanly fashion I reminded him of his comment two weeks earlier. He didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day. Asshole.

ibstubro's avatar

The yard sale crowd around here makes the Walmart shoppers look purdy, @Dutchess_III. Are you familiar with the term, “She could go bear hunting with a switch?” I have never attached anyone, nor been attacked, and I’ve never been in a fight more serious than verbal.

Actually, I was in line behind a woman earlier this summer that was just spoiling for a fight from someone behind her in line. I was next behind her in line, and witnessed her and her girlfriends discussing her ID photo. Prison ID photo.

I find this whole discussion about as productive as “Why are all children abused and neglected by their mothers?” I don’t know when I’ve ever seen a man abuse or intimidate a woman, and yet I see women screaming at filthy little urchins nearly every day.

Dutchess_III's avatar

The men don’t do it it public! In public they can appear to be charming, loving husbands. You shut that door, though, they can become monsters.

ibstubro's avatar

Just imagine what the mothers of those filthy urchins are like behind closed doors, @Dutchess_III.

Should I disclose that I am the son of a man that physically abused both my mother and sister? That he only stopped when my brother coldly told my mother that the next time it happened, he would kill my father? When is was my brother’s life that was at stake, my mother found a way to make my father stop?

Cycles of abuse can only happen with two participants. I know this as irrefutably as any male or female here knows their life experiences.

I believe we now have a new dimension to the discussion, and I look forward to the distortion or spin that will negate my life experience.

JLeslie's avatar

@ibstubro Are you saying your mother was more willing to protect your brother than your sister? Protect him from jail? Or, was she even more afraid her husband would be killed? I’m not clear about your situation. I also don’t see why anyone would want to twist what you said. If it happened that way it happened. How did your mother make your father stop?

Also, aren’t you renforcing what @Dutchess_III said, that all sorts of shit happens behind closed doors and typically no one outside of the doors knows what is going on.

Plus, you use the word all. “Why are all children abused and neglected by their mothers.” Why are you using the word all as if @Dutchess_III or anyone on this Q is using all. How often does anyone think all people in a group are the same? I think almost never.

ibstubro's avatar

@JLeslie. My mother was abused by my father. When my brother sincerely told my mother that he would kill my father if my father abused my mother again, my mother made my father stop abusing her.

My mother was willing [eager?] to see her daughter abused years after my mother’s abuse ended.

My sister and I have the same parents. My brother has a different father.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Your mother was abused by your father. The female (and the children) were abused by a male.

JLeslie's avatar

@ibstubro Maybe I am confused, because it is so awful. Or, maybe thebuse ofnthe pronouns, a lot of “her” in the sentence.

Your mother was being abused, but then she finally put an end to it when your brother threatened to kill your dad. Then your dad started abusing your sister and your mom was happy to see her daughter being abused?

I still don’t know how your mom put an end to the abuse and what exactly she was afraid of? Was she afraid your dad would be killed or that your brother would wind up in jail?

You don’t have to answer if it is upsetting to talk about.

So, are you wary of men at all because of it? Wary about how abuisve they can be to their family? Or, do you have any thoughts like women can be too passive? Or, do you feel like your childhood was shitty, but most people have happy families?

ibstubro's avatar

@JLeslie My mother was being abused, but she finally put an end to it when my brother threatened to kill my father. My father later (physically) abused my sister and my mom [appeared] happy to see her daughter being abused?

If that is clear to you, @JLeslie, then it is accurate.

My family has so many cycles of abuse, it’s hard to keep track. Thank Fluther that I’ve not had psychotherapy.

ibstubro's avatar

I’m just hoping that there wasn’t any sexual abuse, because I could be the product of.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

I think you all would be surprised at some of the latest stats on human behaviour in the United States. In women’s struggle for equality, they have made great strides in child molestation and domestic violence. Witness the all too frequent news reports concerning female teachers molesting their students of both sexes in the past 20 years. They are quickly reaching parity among their male counterparts in this endeavour.

I think people are incredibly misinformed as to what is happening in our society and some of the effects of rapidly changing roles among men and women. Many of these people are willfully uninformed.

Our continued societal theme of women victims may address the majority of the incidents, but as a result it implies that violence against men is so rare that there is little to discuss on the issue. “In 2010, the CDC found that 40 percent of the victims of severe, physical domestic violence are men.

According to one study, “63 percent of males as opposed to 15 percent of females had a deadly weapon used against them in a fight with an intimate partner.” Likewise, men are raped and in some cases forced to pay child support for the children resulting from the rape.

I wish people could resolve their differences without violence, that rape as well as physical and emotional abuse were so rare that reporters lacked sufficient research to write news stories about the subject. But domestic violence, including rape, is gender neutral. If our media and government could recognize this and stop using gender politics to slant the story, maybe both men and women could get help.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@ibstubro wow. That is…outside of any experience I’ve ever had. I am so sorry.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well,l I downloaded the 124 pages of your report @Espiritus_Corvus. I’ll make time to read it tomorrow.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I am trying to understand “My mother was willing [eager?] to see her daughter abused years after my mother’s abuse ended.” Why would she be “eager”? That just sounds like hell, @ibstubro. And I’m so sorry.

JLeslie's avatar

@Espiritus_Corvus I actually am already aware that almost half of domestic violence is committed by woman. I didn’t know they are more likely to use a weapon, but it makes perfect sense since they are at a physical disadvantage. My understanding was women are more likelynto get seriously harmed or dead from domestic violence than men. I didn’t read your link, maybe it talks about that. I could be wrong, I am not sure of that statistic.

I still don’t think most men walk around worried about women harming them the way women think about men. In their homes behind closed doors is a different thing.

Even if the men are harmed by women as much as women are harmed by men, I don’t think men tend to believe they are in danger. Do men ever hestitate to get on an elevator with a woman? I bet very few do. Do men worry about letting a woman into their building when everyone is supposed to use a key or passcode? I just doubt men think about those things like women do, but I could be wrong.

Men are raped, it is extremely underreported, and so I think men don’t feel very vulnerable to rape because most people are unaware it happens. There was a made for TV movie years ago where a police officer, I guess he was a detective, was an asshole to women who were just raped, and then at the end of the movie he gets raped and finally understands the terror. He is raped by a man in the film though.

Just this Q shows a small sample of men who don’t really worry much.

ibstubro's avatar

It my was life, at the time, @Dutchess_III. Mom seemed so pleased that her rival for dad’s affectation was my sister, that she enabled the abuse. Even after my mother’s abuse had stopped.

Blackberry's avatar

Everyone is vulnerable in their sleep or not paying attention.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I am sorry. I can’t eve begin to imagine, @ibstubro.

ibstubro's avatar

I appreciate that, @Dutchess_III, as I’ve felt like I was hard on you on a couple of questions, lately. I’m just giving my [life experience] opinion on most things.


Dutchess_III's avatar

It’s all good! Fluther has given me a thick skin.

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