General Question

yankeetooter's avatar

If you invite someone on a trip, do you do everything together?

Asked by yankeetooter (9651points) September 23rd, 2014

For instance. ..meals. Do you eat at the same place or do you each do your own thing?

The thing that prompted this question is a pending one night trip with someone who doesn’t want to eat breakfast out but have cereal in the hotel. Which is fine, but that means I will have to eat breakfast alone.

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31 Answers

talljasperman's avatar

Yes we stay together except the super book stores then we meet in a half an hour.

jca's avatar

@yankeetooter: He wants to have cereal in the room or have the breakfast offered at the hotel restaurant?

Are you not ok with eating in the room, if that is what he intends? Or if the hotel offers breakfast (either complimentary or not), are you not ok eating there?

It’s not clear when you say he wants to eat at the hotel, what exactly you mean.

yankeetooter's avatar

She wants to bring cereal and eat in the hotel room…and not to save money.

jca's avatar

Oh. I assume if you’re in different rooms that you’d then be on your own. If you’re in same hotel room, I’d be fine, like ok, we can do that, too.

I’m pretty flexible and I also am not too into breakfast. I am fine grabbing a bagel and coffee if I’m traveling. If I’m traveling with someone else and they wanted to do something different, my main question is, are you welcome to join her (which is why the question about if you’re staying in same room)?

If it’s a business trip and I’d then assume you’re not in same room, then I’d be like “ok, see you at the meeting.” And I would then have no problem getting my own breakfast from wherever. If you’re together, then join her. If cereal doesn’t suit you, bring something that does, like bagels or yogurt or whatever.

You don’t like the idea of eating alone elsewhere?

yankeetooter's avatar

I will (go out by myself). It just seems weird to do so. Breakfast happens to be one of my favorite meals to eat out.

dappled_leaves's avatar

Ugh, things like this are awkward, aren’t they? I like to have breakfast out. If I’m travelling, I sure don’t want to eat something I brought, and hotel/motel food is awful (what is that stuff they call waffle mix anyway?? Gah.). But if I’m travelling with a friend, I also want to hang out with them.

So, I guess it would depend on what would be happening afterwards. Is it actually feasible for you to go out and grab breakfast alone, then meet her at a designated time and place for the next activity? If yes, choose a good book and go for it. If it seems like you might lose her entirely, and you want to be able to explore together, then suck it up and have the cereal.

yankeetooter's avatar

I assume we are doing stuff all day together, but now I wonder how everything else will go.

jca's avatar

@yankeetooter: Tell her breakfast is on you, and you’d like to take her out.

yankeetooter's avatar

I think she wants to eat healthier, so that probably won’t work.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Look at it this way. She wants to eat healthy and have cereal that will give her the fiber and calories she needs to keep her innards working well. If she eats a big breakfast with you she will likely overeat, not get the type of cereal she likes, and will be uncomfortable for the rest of the day. Is it worth it?

I say let her eat what she likes. You can go out and enjoy breakfast as you wish. Take a laptop or tablet with you and surf the web. WiFi makes every meal taste better.

Maybe this is TMI but since we are anon I will ‘fess up. When I travel, my ideal morning ritual is: Get up, pee, brush teeth, put on yesterday’s shirt and pants and then eat breakfast. I take my time, drink coffee, read the newspaper, use my Kindle Fire, and basically stuff myself. When I finish, I then go back to my room, use the toilet, shower, shave and change into clean clothes. After that I am ready to take on the day.
Maybe she has a similar routine. Let her enjoy the schedule she has perfected over the years. You both will be happier in the long run.

jca's avatar

It seems like you have your routine and you are anxious about altering it, and the girl has her routine and is unwilling to alter it.

Here2_4's avatar

I am thinking it is about wanting breakfast alone because of getting ready. She possibly doesn’t want to leave the room not looking her best, and doesn’t want to be hungry the whole time she is trying to wash, dress, and primp. Then too, some people are simply opposed to eating in public; feeling uncomfortable having people handy while they stuff food in their mouth.

Your disappointment is understandable, but so is her desire to have her own routine respected.

rojo's avatar

I find the best trips are those where everyone sets their own agenda. If it works out that it can or will be done together, great. But if different plans are made, that’s cool too. See you for supper? maybe?

jca's avatar

@rojo: That can be true, but in this case, it seems like a romantic trip where the goal would be bonding.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@jca If that is the case, I will modify my answer slightly. I would do whatever made her more comfortable – even if it meant I missed going out for my favorite meal. I’d gladly eat alone in the hotel restaurant so she could use the bathroom in private.

jca's avatar

@LuckyGuy: I agree. It seems the OP has an issue with eating alone, which, for all meals, would be counterproductive to bonding, but for one meal, seems like it should be very do-able and not much of an issue.

dappled_leaves's avatar

@jca This does not sound like a romantic trip to me. It sounds like two friends sharing a room to share expenses. It’s extremely common to do this; most hotel rooms come with two double beds.

jca's avatar

@dappled_leaves: It’s not really clear (to me) what it sounds like. It would be nice if the OP would clarify. In the meantime, if it were me, I’d not have an issue with eating alone. That’s just me. I like my “morning routine” but could be flexible, too, so either way…..

stanleybmanly's avatar

You’re looking forward to great breakfasting in restaurants, while it’s important to her to have a simple breakfast in the room. If you both would prefer to breakfast together the solution is to order her cereal at the restaurant. Otherwise one meal a day apart shouldn’t be a deal breaker. If this is the only quirk to her personality, you’re probably a fortunate man. It’s been my experience, however that people with strong ideas regarding food rarely limit their restrictions and requirements to single issues. To my mind, the best part about hotel living is dining out and hunting down great food. Anyone with the discipline required to limit themselves to a bland bowl of dry cereal daily probably doesn’t consider adventures in food a priority. In the end, it’s about different strokes. Only you can decide whether or not the cereal thing is a marker for other issues. Talk about it with her, and weigh the compensating characteristics.

janbb's avatar

I think the best trips are ones where expectations are discussed and differences hammered out ahead of time. There is no right or wrong way; there are only differences. I would not expect to spend every minute with a traveling companion at this point and it’s good that this was raised upfront.

I just asked someone to come on a trip to Costa Rica with me but told her as part of the invite that I would be wanting my own room. Of course, now it’s her decision whether to go.

You have the choice of either eating breakfast out alone or eating in your room as well.

canidmajor's avatar

I think there is a good chance that (based solely on the information you’ve given us) this is probably not a big deal. Maybe she has discovered that she is uncomfortable eating anything but her regular morning food. Maybe she just wants to ease into her day, and this is how she does it.
I haven’t needed to “do everything together” for decades, I personally prefer a bit of quiet time before I start my days activities.

Your best bet would be to talk to her about this. Did she specifically say she doesn’t want to eat with you?

yankeetooter's avatar

Lol! Not a man here, but a woman…going with her sister-in-law. And I’m the one who wants to eat out…

No, I think she wants to eat healthy. ..but they have healthy stuff at the place.

Might be interesting. ..I think she wants to spend a good portion of the day at the beach. Bit chilly for sun bathing (NJ).

janbb's avatar

@yankeetooter You might want to do some research and come up with a few things to do on your own if you don’t want to beach it with her all day.

jca's avatar

@yankeetooter: Maybe your SIL’s idea of healthy is a notch or two above what the hotel considers healthy food. She may be into organic, or certain fibers, seeds and nuts. Maybe her digestive system works best with these things (if you understand my drift) or maybe she just likes to put very healthy food into her body.

I agree if the trip coming up is to NJ, it would probably be a tad chilly for beach. There may still be a few days where it gets into the 80’s.

So let me try, again, to get it straight. You’re going with your SIL and staying the same room, and you don’t want to eat food with her there or feel you’re unwelcome? or you’re just wanting to eat the bounty offered by the hotel?

jca's avatar

@dappled_leaves: I know – I’m just trying to ascertain what about the whole thing is so tough. Ok so the OP likes breakfast, and she doesn’t want to eat out alone. If the hotel has breakfast, to me it’s not a big deal, or maybe the SIL wouldn’t mind the OP having breakfast with her in the room, if the OP wouldn’t mind going that route. It’s just one meal. I guess I’m at a loss what’s such a big deal.

dappled_leaves's avatar

@jca Does it have to be a “big deal”? It’s just a question. She’s asking for other people’s perspectives. That’s what people do on Fluther.

jca's avatar

@dappled_leaves: I am aware of what people do on Fluther. I’ve been here a long time.

To clarify, I am trying to figure why this is an issue for the OP. I understand the OP likes to eat out and the SIL is eating in, but why the OP can’t eat out alone or why the OP feels she can’t join the SIL is what I don’t get.

dappled_leaves's avatar

@jca “why the OP can’t eat out alone ”

She has already said that she will, in the post I linked to. This is getting silly.

jca's avatar

Then she eats alone. Case closed.

Kardamom's avatar

Here’s a slightly more nuanced idea. SIL might have a very specific and urgent eat fiber and poop (in private) routine. Let her do that and you can go out and have some yummy omelette with home fries and fresh squeezed grapefruit juice and a good book. Plan to meet up back at the hotel at a specific time. Easy squeazy.

Now I’m hungry.

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