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Misspegasister28's avatar

How can I stop being so sensitive?

Asked by Misspegasister28 (2098points) October 7th, 2014

So I’m a really sensitive person. Pretty much anything will hurt my feelings. I get kinda upset when people disagree with me… For example, sometimes my friends will insult the things I like or what I believe in. Even if they just hint at disagreeing with the things I like or believe in, it offends me and often ends up ruining my day.

Two examples I can think of right now is when one of my friends insulted my favorite show, saying she can’t wait until it ends and that it’s so annoying and the people who like it are annoying too. She apologized later for saying that, but it still kind of bugs me, because when I go on her deviantART profile I see a bunch of things saying how much she hates the show and the fans. It’s her profile and I know she can do what she wants with it but it kind of hurts my feelings.

Also, another one of my friends acts really annoyed whenever a theist brings up their religion even when they’re not forcing it onto her. She’s atheist, and one time we were at a bookstore and an author was there and she survived breast cancer. The author was saying how she’s so thankful to God that He saved her life and stuff. When the author said that, my friend looked at me and rolled her eyes as if she was really annoyed. I’m a theist and this was a little hurtful. I respect the fact that my friend is atheist, she doesn’t have to agree with what theists say but it annoyed me how she was irritated that a lady was appreciative to her God that she survived when it didn’t affect my friend at all.

I don’t know, sometimes my friends and family just insult what I like and what I believe in. I think a lot of the times they do this subconsciously, and I know they don’t mean to hurt me, but it hurts my feelings a lot anyway and ends up ruining my day and making me feel really bad about myself. Is there a way I can be less sensitive? It really makes me sad and I don’t want to be this sensitive anymore. Thanks for your help!

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11 Answers

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Misspegasister28 Oh crap, I just called you Mother Theresa on another thread. Please don’t take it seriously. Just relax and realize other people can’t hurt your feelings, you let other people make you feel bad.

Misspegasister28's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Oh no, you didn’t hurt my feelings at all by saying that, don’t worry xD And that’s true lol, I’ll take your advice to try to calm down, haha, thank you! :)

Mimishu1995's avatar

I can understand your feeling. I myself sometimes have the same feeling too, when people insult me. I think it is just normal for us to feel bad when people say these not-so-nice things. The only way to overcome the feeling is think about the matter in a different angle. Ask yourself: “does what they say right?” and “what if they don’t mean to insult me?” Sometimes they insult you because they are just asses/don’t like what you like. If that’s the case then just try to ignore what they say. Their words can be hurtful but it doesn’t affect you much since they can’t force you to change your opinion. And if they are right, maybe they just try to point out your mistakes and hope you will change. The only problem is that they are a bit too harsh. So acknowledge it and make some changes like they suggest. And some people don’t mean to hurt your feeling. What they say doesn’t mean to be an insult but it still hurts you. You should make allowance to them since everyone is different, what is insulting to you may be normal to them.

And don’t let these things affect your mood too much. You have a lot more to do in life than weeping over them. An insult can make you feel bad, but it doesn’t ruin your life.

osoraro's avatar

Well, first of all, your friend is an asshole, sorry. So frikkin what if that speaker felt that God helped her through her illness? More power to her, and I say that as an avowed hard atheist.

As for you being sensitive, when you stop realizing that your feelings and beliefs really matter to other people and you just are happy for what you believe and feel then you’ll be good.

Smitha's avatar

You need to toughen up and learn to be more confident, you need to learn how to act like what others say will never bother you. Its your nature you can’t change it but you can definetly make yourself a bit stronger. Also stay away from negative people. Also practise meditation and mind-control, it really helps.

LostInParadise's avatar

Speak up! You don’t need to start an argument. Just say that, while you appreciate hearing the person’s view, you do not share it. If someone repeatedly expresses a view contrary to yours and knowing how you feel, request that he/she stop. It is a matter of treating people with courtesy and respect.

Pandora's avatar

If your friend is a pessimist than don’t expect anything different and don’t take it personal. There are different levels of pessimism though. If they are on the extreme than it may be someone you might want to consider not being friends with. If not than talk to them and let them know that you respect that they may have certain ways of thinking that is different than yours but that you don’t need to constantly be barraged by their negative views and made to feel as if your views are silly or stupid. They may simply not be aware that they acting like this.
However, if the show you watch is some silly, so called reality show than expect to take some hits for that. They are as real as a 100,000 bill and they are replacing shows that require real actors with real skills and script writers. Those shows are fake as well but they don’t pretend to be “REAL”. The only positive thing I can say about reality shows, is that high quality writers are coming out and writing awesome scripts to keep other shows alive.

CWOTUS's avatar

My first response to this is that “You need to learn a little Zen.”

I’m not saying that you need to change your religion, and I’m not making any claims as a Zen master in any sense. I really have no more than a passing acquaintance with it, in fact.

But one of the things that I do understand about Zen – and it’s expressed in other religious philosophies, too, but I’ve never seen it expressed better than it is in Zen – is that you need to learn (or achieve) detachment.

That is, detach yourself from the things you own and love (and hate); detach yourself from your thoughts (and from others’ thoughts). Detach. You are not your possessions. You are not the things you like or the things you hate. You are not your thoughts. You are not the product of others’ thoughts. You aren’t a television show, or an art exhibit, or your money or your looks. What others think and say about those things does not matter to “you”.

This is easier said than done. In nearly sixty-one years I haven’t managed it myself.

But it’s necessary if you really want to achieve the state you seem to want. You aren’t even “what you think you are”, so much less are you what others think. Let it go.

zenvelo's avatar

May I suggest reading The Four Agreements?

Agreement Number Two:

Don’t take anything personally

Your “sensitivity” is, in reality, taking anything someone says about anything as an opinion about you. But it isn’t. And by viewing anything someone says as a statement about you, you are giving everyone else power over you, control over your life.

Take control and responsibility for yourself, speak up about your own opinion about issues. And realize your opinion about an issue is yours, and not an opinion on other people.

Inspired_2write's avatar

Sometimes “we” seek approval from others and when we don’t get it we feel insecure or put down.
In time and maturity one begins to realize your own worth and right to happiness to be yourself, and become confident in ourselves to the point that “it does not matter’ what others think and do as it is their decision not yours to make. However within reason of course.( safetly etc).
In the past leaders who stand out are the ‘original” thinkers who are secure in themselves to not let others opinions to “confrom” to the group mentality bother them. That is how they become leaders.
Age and your station in life makes a big difference in that if you are young and desire the approval of your parents, peer group etc then you are in the learning stages of youth.
Eventually one matures and relies on ones own capabilities after having gone through painfull insecurities of youth.
It all stems from getting our parents approval, then realizing that you don’t need it…just your own approval to carve out a well rounded adult life in your own way.
Good Luck. Keep growing.

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