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Misspegasister28's avatar

I may go out with a guy but my friend doesn't like him?

Asked by Misspegasister28 (2098points) October 11th, 2014

So this is pretty much a continuation of my question here: http://www.fluther.com/175935/my-friend-says-i-shouldnt-talk-to-the-guy-i-like/

So we’ve been texting everyday and from what I’m seeing, he’s really nice and accepting. He tries to get to know me and he always asks how I’m doing. We’re also into the same kind of things. I have a feeling he may ask me out soon, and I want to say yes, problem is, my friend doesn’t like him!

I’ve heard from her and her friend that he’s not nice, but I’ve also talked to a bunch of other people and they all said he’s really nice. So I don’t know who to believe! I want to hang out with him after school just once before we actually go out to see what he’s like when he’s not around other people, but still.

If I do go out with him I don’t want it to damage my relationship with my friend. She’s really nice and I know she’s just being a good friend and looking out for me, but this guy is really nice and I feel like it’s not really fair to him that I just listen to what one negative thing a person says and not talk to him at all. I don’t want her to be angry with me or think I’m stupid for going against what she said. I still want to be friends with her while at the same time going out with this guy I really like. Can someone help me please? Thank you!

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11 Answers

chyna's avatar

You tell her that she is a good friend and that you love it that she is concerned and looking out for your welfare and safety, but this is something you need to find out for yourself. At your age, friends and boyfriends will come and go. If your friend is willing to end your friendship because you won’t bow to her demands of you, then she isn’t a friend.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

She could just be jealous and manipulative or she could be looking out for you. Time will tell but you probably have an instinct for which is true. At 16 this is hyper-normal.

janbb's avatar

Value your friend but trust your own judgment.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Here’s a way to look at it from a different angle. Objectively speaking, is he a “bad boy” or a “good boy”?

How is he doing in school? Good grades? Good attendance? Is he liked by teachers?
Does he party and skip classes? Is he a potential bully?

Let that be your guide. .

Here2_4's avatar

Remember the movie 10 Things I Hate About You?
Maybe you friend know something personally she just doesn’t want to share. Very popular guys who seem nice can be creeps when all is aid and done. I doubt you friend is trying to run your life.. She may know something, and she might not. She may worry tahat you would have less time for her. I think if you choose to see this guy,you should at least keep her warnings in mind, and don’t put yourself in a situation alone with him too soon. Sometimes we don’t see warning signs about someone ourselves, because we don’t want to.
If your friend is just wanting to chase after him herself, well, that isn’t much of a friend.
Follow your heart, but keep your eyes open.

susanc's avatar

I wonder if it would be too intense to ask your friend if she can be more specific? That would show her that you’re taking her seriously. She may have something to tell you that she hopes she won’t have to tell, but if she’s a true friend she will help you out.
If I were in your shoes, I’d be avoiding doing this, because I wouldn’t want to hear it. But I think you would get clarity that way and harm no relationships.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Whose life is it? Yours or your friends.

Grow a spine. Do what YOU want, not what your friend wants. She may have her own agenda which is NOT your.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

Sometimes our friends have our best interests at heart but overstep the line between being caring and intruding. Sometimes they may not have our best interests at heart and as has been suggested, may be feeling insecure or jealous and that colours their advice.

If you like this boy, you need to trust your own judgement. Don’t be blind to his faults (or anyone else’s faults) but give him a chance to show you whether he’s a good guy or not.

I’d tell your friend you appreciate her guidance, but you need to find out if he’s right for you for yourself. Perhaps add that you appreciate knowing she’s there for you whether it works out or not.

Smitha's avatar

She could be either jealous or is just missing you. May be you can try talking to her and tell her the good things about your boyfriend and try to make her understand that he really is a good guy (if you are sure that he is nice). Now if she is missing you or does not like the changes in your friendship with her because of your relationship with your boyfriend may be you need to try to spend some time with her and find some way out so that you can make time for both of them. Just keep in mind don’t take a biased decision as it’s related to no one but you.

Misspegasister28's avatar

Hey guys!!! I talked to my friend about it and while she still doesn’t like him, she agrees with me that everyone has different experiences with different people and she encourages me to find out what he’s like for myself instead of just listening to what other people say about him. Thank you all for your help!!! :)

Paradox25's avatar

People’s opinions are subjective, and not everybody reacts to others the same way on top of this. I’ve been in situations where most of the people around me told me this person was great, and most appeared to be fond of them, only to have nothing but negative experiences with them myself. There were other situations where most people around me would tell me to avoid a person, or that they were a jerk, only to find that with a little effort they were really wonderful people.

There can be red flags to look for, like a history of cheating, abuse or other systematic patterns that others seem to confirm. Sometimes people lie or take in what they merely hear as an absolute truth too. I’ve had many women badmouth me when one of their friends liked me, only to have their friend set up with someone who really did end up hurting them. Sometimes people don’t like others due to personal preferences, different points of view, politics, etc rather than the person being ‘bad’. You’re going to have to be the judge of this one it seems.

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