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HotAsIce911's avatar

Friendship problem; What should I do?

Asked by HotAsIce911 (156points) July 10th, 2008

So, let me explain the situation, this girl who was my best friend in grade seven (we’re now in grade 10) is still one of my good friends even though we stopped talking for no apparent reason in grade 8 and most of grade 9. My problem is, she isn’t like any of my other friends and in my eyes we don’t have as much fun as we used to nor do we have as much fun as I have with my other friends. She also seems to think that the world revolves around her, and whenever she is free to hang out I should just drop everything for her. I wanted to bring this up somehow with her but thought I might get some advice first. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.

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7 Answers

shilolo's avatar

Honesty is the best policy. You already made it clear that it wouldn’t kill you if things petered out (as they have been doing). So if you are honest, and she bolts, it likely wouldn’t be the end of the world. However, if you want to salvage some sort of relationship, then outline your issues in a polite but direct way. Say something like “We used to enjoy hanging out together, but things have changed. One thing that bothers me is that it seems like you want me to drop everything when you want to hang out, which is frustrating. I do like hanging out with you, and would like to continue to do that, but from my perspective, things need to change.”

Allie's avatar

I agree with Shilolo’s response, but also keep in mind that people grow and change. You two might not be interested in the same things anymore – it’s normal. The friends you make in 7th grade won’t necessarily be your friends forever. I’m not telling you to ditch her, but just remember that if you two part ways/grow apart it’s ok.

scamp's avatar

People do grow and change like Allie says, and this is perfectly normal. You may have outgrown your friend, but still want to keep in touch a little. Let her know that she is not the center of your unvierse by telling her you have other plans when she wants you to drop everything for her.

Tell her that you enjoy her company but that she needs to check ahead of time with you when she wants to hang out because you have developed a wider circle of friends and may not always be available . For example. If she calls and says.. Hey, lets go do…. (fill in the blank here) Say something. sorry, I can’t. I have other plans. Please give me a little more notice next time.

marinelife's avatar

I agree with scamp. I don’t see the point in confronting her. It think it is more about being honest with your feelings in the situation. Your friend will get the message if you are consistent, honest, and just use a firm, but not angry tone.

Friendships would work more smoothly if we trusted the other party to handle their end of things. Instead, we tend to worry about hurting them, and so we do not share our feelings. That avoidance can lead to worse problems or big emotional blow-ups (the very things we thought we were avoiding by keeping our feelings in). It’s a tactic that does not work.

charliecompany34's avatar

let it go. friends will come and go in early stages of life because friendships at early ages are not always true friend relationships. just because you cannot be there for him or her all the time also does not make you unfriendly. true friends understand in all situations because they weather things together and away from each other.

Palindrome's avatar

Wow…Well let me tell you, this EXACT same thing has happened to me…It was also the same exact grades i was in when this happened to me. Lets see well if your ready to emotionally bring up the situation with her than by all means i say go for it…Just as long as you know what your doing, ya know? Also…to tell you what happened when i confronted my friend. She shrugged it off and acted like i was talking to her about aliens. Ugh! Just stay true to who you are and how you feel! If people want to change on ya…well i say let them cause they want to take their own course. & chances of them admitting who they are now are really low.

kewlguy_exABuser's avatar

I think more information is needed to give a intelligent answer – too vague!!

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