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talljasperman's avatar

How do I learn to forgive myself ?

Asked by talljasperman (21858points) October 26th, 2014

When I plan out my life and my plans fail I have negative self talk. How do I salvage what is left and move on. I messed up my relationships with friends and failed out of university 15 years ago. How do I learn to give myself a second chance. A real second chance.

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10 Answers

Mimishu1995's avatar

I think your main problem doesn’t really your inability to forgive, but the fact that you aren’t motivated enough. I have seen you ask some question about which jobs to do, how to start learning something… but it seems that you haven’t tried anything yet. You should try to make yourself feel motivated. Think that you are doing all the things just for your own sake. Don’t just sit there wallowing in your thought that you can’t do anything and go try the things we have suggested you before. If you believe in yourself you can do it.

You don’t really need a university. I remember you saying that you don’t get on very well with universities. How about trying to learn yourself? Sometimes self-teaching can be as effective as learning in a university. You know which learning method works best for you and you can control your time and what you learn.

And as for the friend thing, like we’ve said before, get out of your house and do some interaction. Treat people like how you treat us on Fluther. You can’t get a lost relationship back, but at least you can create another relationship.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Accept that what is done is done and move on. Try not to dwell on the past as it drains your present and poisons your future. Apologise where you can and move on. Make new plans, set new goals. Never go on and on about the past or you end up living there. I know, easier said than done. Pick up and walk on.

johnpowell's avatar

Baby steps. From what I know about you you need to get your body in shape. Everything is hard when you are overweight. My mom got diabetes and had to drop around 120 pounds. She was up around 300 pounds and barely ever moved unless it was for the bathroom or food. Once the doctor told her that at this rate amputation of her feet might be necessary in the next five years she cleaned up her act.

Now she is happier and walks all the time and is actually doing things that aren’t a AOL chatroom.

cheebdragon's avatar

”ι нανє иσт fαιℓє∂, ι’νє ʝυѕт fσυи∂ 10,000 ωαуѕ тнαт ωσи’т ωσяк”~ тнσмαѕ α є∂ιѕσи

(Sorry mods, I was extremely curious to see how my new keyboard works.)

zenvelo's avatar

I agree with @johnpowell. From what you have posted over time, it seems you need to get yourself physically moving and get healthy by getting exercise and eating a healthy diet.

Once your health improves, you will feel better about yourself. And feeling better about yourself means you are more accepting of yourself. Accepting oneself leads to self forgiveness.

You really have no need to forgive yourself as much as you need to accept and love yourself. You cannot change what happened long ago; you cannot change what happened yesterday. You can accept yourself, realize that there are mistakes that were made that you won’t do again, and move on.

marinelife's avatar

Every time you catch yourself in negative self talk, stop immediately and say aloud something positive about yourself like: “I am a good person.” Repeat as necessary. Write down some good things you can say about yourself. Practice saying them in front of a mirror several times a day. Keep going even if it feels faky to you. Keep it up and your self-esteem will improve.

filmfann's avatar

Years ago, I embraced Self-Loathing. Simply acknowledge to yourself that you are a sinner, a fuck up, and you have made many mistakes. Once you recognize that, you will be free to accept God’s grace and forgiveness, and you will go easier on those around you who fall short.

cheebdragon's avatar

You can’t go back and change anything, use your regrets as a reminder to improve and build your future.

Inspired_2write's avatar

Everyone makes mistakes, as that is how we learn.
You are human and still developing. Accept that.
If you find that you are in negative mode more often than not…then allow yourself say 15 minutes or so of negative talk then after that reverse and allow positve talk too.
Balance and centering yourself in that way corrects bad patterns.
Afrer all if it was a friend of yours discussing and acting this way you would be more compassionate…so wahy not be compassionate to yourself too?

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Since when does learning a lesson require forgiveness?

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