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viainfested's avatar

How to overcome feeling emotionally numb?

Asked by viainfested (435points) November 12th, 2014

Up until a few months ago I was seeing a guy from another town a few hours away for almost 3 years. We tried living in each others cities and it never worked out. But anyway, about 4 months into the relationship I had a traumatic emotional experience. He was very supportive at first, but then after a day or two blew up on me, was very mean and told me to stop talking about it. Ever since then I’ve kinda had this empty feeling inside that had lasted the majority of the relationship. He was a very controlling and manipulative person. I don’t know how to overcome these feelings. I’ve started seeing someone new since then and he’s an incredible guy, but I still have trouble being intimate and feeling enjoyment from it. I have tried depression and anxiety medications… didn’t help. I am following a mostly vegan diet, had blood work done and the only thing I was low in was vitamin d. If anyone could offer any sort of advice or has experienced something similar, a response would be very much appreciated.

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10 Answers

talljasperman's avatar

edit questions changed. This is normal. You just need time for the grieving process to work its way naturally.

Here2_4's avatar

Wise words, @talljasperman .
Get plenty of sleep. Sometimes lack of sleep can create a gray phase in our lives.

Winter_Pariah's avatar

Your trust was also damaged, so with the new guy, you’re probably being quite a bit more wary with trusting your emotions with him especially after being betrayed in such a cruel and callous manner. It’ll take a lot of time, but perhaps you’ll grow too trust him enough to lower your emotional shields bit by bit. It’s not unnatural, plenty of people have a tendency to try to avoid setting themselves up for a situation that has caused them pain in the past and takes time and a willingness to trust others again to get their hearts feeling like it is safe to share and enjoy emotions with someone new.

Winter_Pariah's avatar

apologies for the bad grammar! I’m thoroughly exhausted and not entirely thinking coherently.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

@viainfested @talljasperman is quite right. You need to allow yourself time to heal. When we’ve been hurt deeply it can take a long time for us to recover. It sounds as though it’s affected your confidence and self-esteem greatly. Have you spoken to your new partner about what happened in the past? Is he empathic and giving you time? If you want this relationship to progress, perhaps let him know you do care but you need to take things slowly to rebuild your confidence. If you had a car accident, you might feel reluctant to drive a car again. The same is happening here. So take small steps and ask your new partner to be patient and to help you rebuild your confidence. Take things very slowly. If you’re happy with kissing, start there and just as we did in our youth, build up from there.

BosM's avatar

Your previous BF didn’t know how to deal with your grief so he told you to stop talking about it. You need to reconnect with your grief and find someone to talk to about it. Everyone deals with grief/loss differently. Research Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and her work on the Five Stages of Grief. Often people get stuck in one of the stages and it prevents them from fully re-engaging in the activities of their daily life. Good luck.

marinelife's avatar

You probably need therapy to get through the trauma you have handled by numbing out and insulating yourself from intimacy.

Pandora's avatar

I’m not a therapist or psychiatrist so I’m just winging it here. I think we often get caught up in our past mistakes and we don’t forgive ourselves for them sometimes. You put up a wall to protect your feelings but a wall doesn’t just work one way. It lets nothing in and nothing out. I understand the need to protect yourself but life is full of all types of ups and downs. Sometimes we bring our own downs or at least allow them in.

Trust that you are smarter now and that you are stronger. You deserve to be loved and to love someone in return. If this relationship doesn’t work out, then you pick yourself up and move on. Just be sure that the real reason you aren’t feeling anything is simply because you don’t love this person.

Love is a funny thing. You either feel it or you don’t. Don’t try to force yourself into a relationship if you feel nothing. Maybe what you need to do is be alone for a while and love yourself. Forgive yourself and become whole again. Then you may be more receptive to a loving relationship with no wall keeping you apart.

Pandora's avatar

By the way, Low vitamin D can cause depression as well. To at least rule this out, talk to your doctor about taking some D vitamins. It will also help if you are giving yourself at least 8 hours of sound sleep a night and in the morning, do some yoga and do some deep breathing exercises. If you are in doors a lot, go for 20 minute walks outside. Between the fresh air, sunlight and exercise, you will be amazed how this is a great mood enhancer. Be sure you are also well hydrated. People drink less water in the winter and dehydration will make you tired and will also affect your mood.

pittfan20's avatar

Well for starts I just want to let u know that I know A little bit of what im talking about because Im a trained peer specialist(Mental Health Therapist) And im also trained in mental health first aid.It sounds to me like this dude might have Boarderline Personality Disorder.I know what its like to be in A controlling relationship.I am A victim of Maternal Rape which means i was raped by my mother.unlike you though, judging by what u wrote, my medication does wonders for me.have you considered seeing someone like me (A therapist).

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