Worst abusive mother ever. What should I do now?

I’m 22 years old now. But I started (just started, cause I feel I’m still far more from the truth) to realize a small part of what an abusive &&& my mother was till just now.

When I was under 2, I lived with my grandparents and they never beat me. At age 2, I started living with my parents. One day, my mother started beating me, (my subconsciousness refuses to remember why) and she kept beating because(according to her words she said totally naturally recently, it’s like she thinks things should just work this way and it’s right, just as right as “Mike is a boy”) I was crying.

Yeah, that’s the fact, she beat me for whatever the hell and then she kept beating me just because a 2 years old boy was crying when he was beaten. And of course I felt angry and sad and started crying louder and she just beat harder.

Now I remembered in the middle of the beating I banned myself from having any emotions. And till just now all my feelings I’ve ever felt are just based on I assume she allows me to have.

AND THAT’S NOT ALL, AT ALL.

That’s just all my subconsciousness allows me to realize by now. I feel something much more bloody horrible is hiding. I want to try to remember, I just can’t. Something in my mind banned me to get in touch with that prat of my mind.

Sounds far more than a psychopath right?....
What should I do…..