Have you ever been romantically involved with someone who not very smart, but was kind and decent? Or the opposite?

Icouldn’t be overly involved with anyone who wasn’t smart. The good vs. bad usually takes longer to figure out.

Its like my granny used to say, “you don’t look at the mantle piece when you’re poking the fire”

Haha…well, my ex husband, but he was also a lying, sneaky ass.
I am still amazed given his lack of intellect that he is making well over a 100k a year these days. Then again being a salesman is part of his crappy personality. lol
Here is one of my favorite dumb f——k stories from.years ago. haha

We went out for chinese food one night and he had had a few cocktails.
The check arrives and he is looking it over and exclaims : “Chung Du, CHUNG DU, we didn’t order anything called Chung Du!”
I take the check from his hand and realize he is reading the ” Change Due” abbreviation at the bottom of the receipt.
Chg. Due.

I knew in that moment it would never last.

It’s a bit ironic that abbreviation is spelled wrong in your story. lol.

Corrected, thank you very much. haha Hey, I am trying to type and cook at the same time. ;-p

A long time ago I had such a relationship. I was in an intellectually very challenging job and was involved with a carpenter. He wasn’t dumb per se, but he wasn’t my equal in intelligence by a bunch, either. He was a truly lovely person, kind and generous of spirit, and soothing to be with. Circumstances parted us, and to this day I occasionally regret that.

Edit: the question should be, ”. . . someone who WAS not very smart . . .”
I too was making dinner while fluthering!

Yes. I actually just had a situation… My brother’s best friend kissed me, and said he really liked me. Then he decided that I’m too smart for him, and it makes him feel intimidated. Which is just pathetic, because I didn’t care about that. I liked him, and ugh. I’m mad. Haha

No.

To be perfectly honest, I think I judge people too harshly that are less intelligent than me. A relationship with someone where I was always saying to myself “gee, that was a dumb thing to say” or “why don’t you get it?” would never work.

I’ve been involved with both ends of the spectrum. Looking back, I realize that someone’s character is so much more important than their intellectual ability (or lack thereof).

One is basically born with whatever intellectual ability they have. Yes, it can be upped slightly depending upon the influences in their childhood. But some kids are just naturally smarter than others and some aren’t. That’s the way the bell curve works.

But character is formed from the thousands of choices both large and small that one makes at each fork in the road.

Bernie Madoff was, by all accounts, a much smarter than average guy.

But he was morally bankrupt. I doubt his wife was thrilled to have married him when all was said and done.

During my last year of college I was dating a really nice guy. He was smart enough but I knew he wasn’t as smart as I since I consistently beat him in Chess.

And he really didn’t have much intellectual curiosity. He was fairly content with the status quo.

However, he was rock solid in terms of his valuea like trustworthiness, honesty, caring about people and just being an all around really good guy.

He was in the Air Force at the time but was planning to go to Seminary afterwards to be a Pastor.

During my first yr. of teaching he came to visit me for a long weekend and on the last night proposed to me. It caught me totally off guard and I turned him down saying I just wasn’t ready. The biggest problem was that I was very happy teaching right where I was. If I married him, it meant moving all the way to Texas (from NY) and eventually being a Pastor’s wife.

I just couldn’t get enthused about any of that. I certainly liked him but didn’t know him long enough to make a lifelong love commitment. Perhaps at a later point in time…

But after some of the really smart and smug jerks I subsequently ran into while dating, in hindsight I probably should have married him.

Things look much different in maturity than they do in youth.

One guy I dated a long time wasn’t as smart as me, and I think I appreciated the break. My dad was always talking about businesses, and he worked in research, and sometimes I felt like I was in school when having to listen to him. Thing is, the guy I dated was a cheater and a liar in the worst way. So, in my case not very bright didn’t equal nice and integrity. Probably I shouldn’t be answering this Q.

For me, the most important is integrity and responsibility. Everyone has something they are smart about, things they know a lot about.

I think it doesn’t work well when too people are very different in IQ, because the less intelligent person might feel inferior. Both people can easily get frustrated with the other.

Although, if I think about it, my husband and I most of our free time together watch TV, cuddle, eat, see new places, and talk about every day stuff. My guess is we are within ten points of each other in IQ, but it isn’t like we are constantly discussing high level stuff, I save that for Fluther. Lol.

‘Not very smart’ and ‘slightly dumb’ suggests we’re talking about people who lack intelligence across the board. My experience is most people are smart in some area of their lives.Perhaps not the same areas as me, but they’re not uniformly stupid.

I need to be able to communicate with my partner and I doubt I would find that comfortable if I was always having to dumb down our conversation so they could understand. I would find that too frustrating, no matter how nice they were.

On the flipside, I dated a very, very intelligent man but he knew it and was quite condescending. I’m not a dumb bunny, but it wasn’t a comfortable relationship. Mostly because of his superior attitude. I’m now more educated than he is but that’s a whole different story.

Overall, I’d prefer to date a person who is intelligent enough to communicate with me and share with me. Values and ideals are also important. People are a whole package and their intellect is just one part of that package. So they need to be smart enough, but also a decent and kind person for me to have a relationship with them.

Lack of curiosity is irritating to me being one that is all over the map and easily excited about learning/discovering new things. I’m a researcher from hell type and always interested in learning something new, novel and stimulating.
Lack of curiosity just boggles my mind, there is SO MUCH to know about this planet, world, and it’s inhabitants. I just don’t understand how some people have zero interest in anything.

Enthusiasm is another trait I really want in my relationships. I don’t want to have to light a firecracker under someones ass to get some livliness out of them. haha

I used to think I needed an incredibly smart woman to be with out of principle, but that’s not realistic. I’m not even that smart myself so why would I request all my partners be ya know?

Real life taught me a decent person is worth gold, not idealistic standards I made up myself.

A lifetime ago I dated a townie while I was in college. She was nice but did not have “the spark”. The writing was one the wall when she didn’t know water froze at 32F. She had no idea how credit cards and checks worked. There was no way I could live with her for any length of time.

I met an attractive grad student once at a social gathering. We were having a pleasant conversation, and I thought I sensed some chemistry. Then she said she would only marry someone who was smarter than she was. I said I felt the same way. Then there was an awkward pause as it sunk in that, logically, one of us must have ruled the other out.

My ex is smart, but not in all things. His spelling bites raw turnips.

My ex and I did not compare at an intellectual level with me ahead of the curve, which isn’t all that great because I’m not brilliant. I have moments. He was mean to me and even called me snobby because I would try to talk to him.
My spouse, now, has to be very patient with me because it’s the reverse in this case. He’s miles ahead of me, very brilliant, and I’ve spent so many years trying to slow down, that it is almost impossible for me to carry on a deep conversation with him. One conversation might last months because I can’t just spit out what I think anymore. Usually, he finds that my answer is worth waiting for, so he puts up with me.
We came together by sheer accident and we’ve been together since the day we met, whether we accepted it or not. I like to phrase it like we simply got up one day and fell into step together.