Have you ever found that you had been in an altered state without knowing it?

I often feel that I’m “numb”—not connecting with the world around me as I should. From your description of your behaviors, Marinelife, that very much sounds like my numbness.

I attribute this recurring numbness to a level of depression that is generally pretty mild, sometimes rather severe. I’m in the severe end of the spectrum at present. I command myself to move through my required roles and responsibilities; and I do find joy in some things. But I know I’m not myself. I know I’m not the optimistic, joyful person that I can be.

It sounds like your mother’s death perhaps placed you into the kind of numbness that I’ve described. I’m happy to see you feel you’re moving away from numbness!

Yes, I had a similar experience in the months following my mother’s death many years ago.

I also found that my personality changed drastically (though gradually) while I was on the pill. It took quite some time to figure out what was causing it, and once I got off it, it took several months to return to normal – which of course triggered a lot of self-doubt.

My state keeps altering from contentment to depression. I think I’m always pretty aware of what it is though.

@picante I’m where you are right now. Functional but very down. Let’s meet for a cup of tea?

@picante I think that you are right. Coming out of the depression and grief has made me glad that it was temporary (even if a year is not that short of a time). It also makes me very glad that I don’t suffer from chronic depression and very aware of what a burden that is on the sufferers. I am so sorry that you’re in severe depression right now. I hope that you can come out of it or get help or a new medication. I care, which is all that I can do. Please keep in touch.

@dappled_leaves Wow, that sounds very tough.

@janbb A cup of tea for all and some cozy conversation.

Definitely. The question, for me at least, becomes, “What is the ‘unaltered’ baseline?”.

There are times when my attention clarifies, and I get a sense of what that baseline is like. Only then do I clearly see how prone I am to get caught up in this or that state to the point of losing track of that baseline. Then later, my attention clarifies still more, and I see that the earlier glimpse of the baseline was itself still somewhat distorted.

Now I take it for granted that all my states are temporary alterations of the baseline. The best I can do is avoid taking any of them too seriously, and keep reorienting toward the baseline, without ever assuming that I’ve actually found it.

Very well said, as always, @thorninmud! That is it exactly. It is only while looking through the paradigm of another state that I can see the baseline, and even that, tends to be after the fact. When I am in a “state,” I am in it and cannot see clearly enough to see outside of it.

Yep.

Hugs, tea, clear baselines (and champagne) for all! We’re among good Fluther friends here.

I find this question very interesting. I haven’t felt ‘right’ for about four years. There are many reasons I could attribute it to. Loss, deaths, depression etc., I think about it all the time, on how to get back to being ‘me’ but I can’t work out how.

@LornaLove I hope you find the answer.

@picante and @janbb, you described my current state perfectly. I definitely need to relocate to the same state as @marinelife.

@thorninmud As you said, I keep finding my – shifting – baseline and then losing it and as @marinelife said, it is hard when I am in a state not to feel it is permanent. I am starting to learn to tell myself “I’ve been here before and it won’t last forever.” Sometimes that helps me and sometimes it doesn’t.

Desperation sets in when one sees the state is permanent and you can’t throw it off you no matter what.

I am aware of my moods and that they change according to the people I am with and the time of day and of course circumstances but not by too much. I feel there is a kind of seed, deep within my mind which is the unalterable me, though this is likely just an illusion.

I am keenly aware of my moods and most of the time, I am on an even keel. When I get sad, depressed, insecure, irritable, and just a hag to be around, I can usually figure out the cause of it. Sometimes the bad moods are because I am sleep deprived, or haven’t been eating healthy, or haven’t been getting enough physical exercise. Or sometimes the bad mood is more complicated, maybe an argument that I had with someone triggered the bad mood or maybe I am dreading a future event, if I can figure out what is a possible cause of feeling bad then I feel more in control of the situation and can come to some conclusions as to how to get back to the more balanced state of mind.

Micro: one time I was hypnotized for maybe 15 minutes by the Truck Nutz swinging on a vehicle a ways in front of me as I drove on the interstate.

Macro: I thought I was the sum of my conditioning for most of my life until I discovered a “hidden” and utterly untouchable self through meditation and learned to identify as that (a work in progress).

Yep. After my friend committed suicide last year. I was depressed, and I had no idea.

@ZEPHYRA That’s how I feel.