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micchon's avatar

Is it okay to feel jealous of my boyfriend's ex girlfriend?

Asked by micchon (391points) December 26th, 2014

I’d admit I have insecurities.. I also have anxiety and depression. I also had a promiscuous past. And when my boyfriend and I talk sometimes about his ex girlfriend, I can’t help but feel little jealousy over her.

She’s beautiful, she’s smart and wise. She didn’t have a promiscuous past and I feel like my boyfriend appreciates her better than me. My boyfriend loves me but he hates me because of my sexual past. He’s punishing me for what I’ve done in the past.. even if I did that before I met him. He totally appreciates her more than me. I wish I could be like her

She also knows what she wants and she’s a really independent woman.

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4 Answers

jca's avatar

Some questions for you in order to get a better idea of what the issues is (are):

How do you know he hates you because of your sexual past?

In what way is he punishing you for what you’ve done in the past?

How do you know he totally appreciates her more than you?

How do you know what she wants when you say “she also knows what she wants?”

I can understand being jealous about someone’s ex but I would like you to answer those questions so I can understand where you are getting your ideas from.

micchon's avatar

Well.. every time we fight (it’s always all about my past), he would say things to me like “you were such a slut, you’re disgusting, i shouldn’t have dated you, i wasted a lot of time with you, i’ve given a lot of shit about you, i’m never gonna feel special in bed just so you know, are you slut? are you well-bred? cause you’re not reputable, i didn’t feel bad about everything i said because you deserve it” He also told me that he loved his ex 100% and he can’t do the same to me.

jca's avatar

@micchon: I would not go out with someone who said those things to me. I would be done with him so fast his head would spin. I am thinking that you have low self esteem if you stay with someone like that, and your self esteem is going to get even lower from hearing those things from someone who is supposed to be kind to you.

A boyfriend is supposed to be kind and loving, not mean and hateful.

I would tell him if he loves her so much, please go back to her and do you both a favor.

zenvelo's avatar

You were and are not a slut. And your past is your past, not your present. Feel good about yourself, and don’t allow yourself to be treated by anyone as your so-called boyfriend treats you. Only a man who is out of touch with his own sexuality tries to shame women in such a manner.

He is not your boyfriend, he is just using you, because a real boyfriend would never treat a love that way.

And, work on not comparing how you feel about yourself on the inside (or what your boyfriend says) to how the ex looks on the outside.

You don’t say why he is not with her any more. If she dumped him, when you break up with him you can say, “I agree with your ex, I deserve better than you”.

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