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Dutchess_III's avatar

Would you share your thoughts with me on this situation?

Asked by Dutchess_III (42477points) December 26th, 2014

I have a 7 year old grandson, Jay, and his 1 year old sister, Zoey, a couple of times a week.
Jay is really intelligent. However, he uses his intelligence to push whatever buttons he can find, for attention, even if it’s negative attention (we’re all working on that.) However, I recognized what he was doing early on, and stashed all my buttons so he doesn’t know where they are. I have no problems with him. (His other gramma—his mom’s mom—on the other hand, once described him to me as “high maintenance,” which is not my experience.)

A couple of times he has told me that his other Gramma gets mad and yells at Zoey for “hiding” her bottles (now sippy cups.)
I said “Jay…Zoes doesn’t hide them. She just drops them where ever and doesn’t understand the requests to find them. That’s all. You can’t yell at a baby for that!”
He said, “Oh, she hides them! The other day Gramma found a sippy cup in the fridge and it was empty!” His tone mimicked an adult who would say that like, “What kind of idiot puts an empty sippy cup in the fridge??”
I looked at him and said, “Jay…Zoey can’t open the fridge.”
He went very still and very quiet.
I said, “Jay…have you been hiding Zoes sippy cups?”
He said, “No,” but I wonder. I mean, that’s a button his gramma has for all the world to see. Piece of cake to push it.

The other day I came around the corner and Zoey jumped like she’d been electrocuted (!) and there was a pile of dirt at her feet from a plant I have. I said, “Zoey! You know you shouldn’t do that!” and I put her in “time out.” I set her on the bottom step of the stairs and shook my finger at her and scolded her for a few seconds. Then I had her come over and help put the dirt back in the plant. Well, that didn’t work as planned. She had more fun putting the dirt back in than she did taking it out! Her dad walked in as we were working. So we got most of it in, then he and I went out on the deck.
Well, a couple of minutes later Jay yelled, “She’s taking the dirt out again!”
So we went back in, and Zoes got in trouble again, this time by her dad.

But now….I’m wondering….Are you wondering what I’m wondering? Is this something I should discuss with my son?

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8 Answers

johnpowell's avatar

I think my decision to get a cat was the right one.

It can’t hurt to discuss it as long as you don’t go in calling them bad parents. I would just casually bring the subject up.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Oh, they aren’t bad parents. Well, Mom has all her buttons on display and my son can’t seem to convince her to hide them!

JLeslie's avatar

I think no harm in mentioning your grandson might be doing things to get his sister in trouble. My niece and nephew used to do that to each other. I don’t remember ever wanting my sister to get in trouble.

johnpowell's avatar

My sister has twins girls. It has always been about trying to make the other one look bad. At least now that they are 14 they are competing by trying to get better grades.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Re twins. I love this!

I was highly protective of my sisters too. I’d be more like to take the blame for something they did than to try and get them in trouble.

Mimishu1995's avatar

At one point my brother did similar things to me too. He tried to find my faults and cried out loud to anyone he met: my parents, my grandparents… One day he even retold all of my embarrassing moments to my friends in front of me! We had argument because of that. He still finds my faults right now, but less often and he doesn’t tell anyone other than my parents. And at least I have become more tolerant.

ccrow's avatar

I think I would let them know this might be going on, but if possible I think I might first try to set up a situation(harmless, of course) so that I would know beyond any doubt that it was.
The refrigerator story reminded me of one with my two oldest boys: I found the butter dish on the counter with little finger marks in it…when I asked the older one if he had done it he said is brother did it. Only problem was, his brother couldn’t reach the countertop, lol. But that was different in that they were only 20 months apart, and the older one was just trying to stay out of trouble.

Dutchess_III's avatar

That’s another aspect that bothers me. They’re 6 years apart. It’s a shitty thing for a boy to do to a baby. But…maybe he doesn’t consider her a baby. Or maybe he isn’t recognizing what he’s really doing, beyond controlling a situation. I mean, he really loves both of his sisters, and is otherwise protective of them.

Maybe I need to just explain it to him from THEIR POV…..

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