Social Question

Souljacker's avatar

Crush is a stranger, how do I get to know her and get to date her?

Asked by Souljacker (70points) January 30th, 2015

So I’m 16, and I have a crush.

I like this girl, a grade above me. I’m at a disadvantage because I don’t have much of chance of approaching her. The only time I see her is in lunch and there she is surrounded by her friends, and I am too. I don’t know how to attract her attention or approach her for that matter. I can’t just walk up to her and say “Hi.” can I? It would be awkward for the both of us.

Now I don’t know much about her, but sometimes I see her alone doing her homework or simply working alone. I think there is a chance there, to talk to her but then again, how should I go about this?

There are a lot of questions and I’m pretty new to the “dating” game as it were.

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12 Answers

Coloma's avatar

Just be bold. The old “fake it til you make it approach.”
If you’re confident and bold she will not know you are secretly feeling awkward on the inside.
Just walk up to her when she is alone somewhere and say ” Hey, I just wanted you to know I think you’re really pretty and wondered if you’d like to hang out sometime?” Ya gotta be BOLD, and even if she isn’t interested you will have scored a victory in confidence.

I’m old enough to be your mom several times over and not too long ago passed an attractive man a note on a napkin in a restaurant, we exchanged numbers and had a great time getting together. No major romance came out of it, but..that’s not the point. You have to be willing to take chances in life. Better to start young as always. haha

CWOTUS's avatar

I would counsel an approach somewhat more understated than @Coloma‘s but along the same lines. Men and women live in different worlds. It’s perfectly wonderful for a woman to send that note to a man, telling him almost word-for-word what she suggested that you could say. And for a man to receive that kind of attention from a woman is flattering, uplifting and great (I’ve had one or two of those notes, figuratively speaking).

Unfortunately for a lot of women – and I’m surprised that @Coloma has not acknowledged this – many women (and girls) are inundated with compliments on their looks, and actually – frequently, in fact! – use that as a filter to screen guys that they do not want to hear from again. So be ready at some point to pay her that compliment, because from the right guy at the right time she will definitely want and need that, but don’t lead with “You’re pretty.” Not. Ever.

Definitely walk up to her some day and however you manage it say hello and express interest without being so obvious as to say “Hey, I’m interested in you.” By the mere fact of your introduction, she will recognize that there’s interest. At that point, pull back. If she wants to follow up on that, whenever, however, then allow her the time and space to do that… or not. Because frequently she will not, and you have to accept that. (The word will get around that you’re cool that way, too – women like ‘bad boys’ sometimes, but they also need guys who are also ‘safe’ in this way.)

That’s the dance, dude. Learn to do that dance.

(PS: I’m even older than @Coloma, and also still dancing. I’ll have to find out where she drinks…)

dappled_leaves's avatar

I agree with @CWOTUS, except for the “living in different worlds” part. We live in the same world. It’s never a good idea to decide to date someone solely because of what they look like.

So, just talk to her about common interests you might have, or other things you can have a conversation about (maybe you’re in some classes together, or you might like the same kind of music?). See where it goes.

Coloma's avatar

You two ^^^^ make a good point, I was just coming from an ice breaking POV, since he knows nothing about this girl I guess I fell for playing the pretty card. Coming from the perspective that he knows nothing else to break the ice with such as ” hey, I saw you in the school play and wanted to tell you I think you’re a really good actress.” haha

gorillapaws's avatar

Yeah “I think you’re pretty” is not a good approach. I wish it were, but attractive women get that so many times a day that they’ve learned to filter that out very early on. You need to connect on a level unrelated to looks. If it’s sports, a hobby, after school activity, whatever. Find a way to interact in a genuine setting and see if it goes anywhere. Be sincere and not a creep and you might have a shot.

CWOTUS's avatar

I’ll modify my response to say this: If you’re James Blunt, and you’ve written a hit song to her, about her, and which says exactly that to her, then go for it.

If you’re not James Blunt, don’t even think it.

Souljacker's avatar

I would like to note what @Coloma said that I know nothing about this girl, how do I break the ice and start a conversation with her… with nothing?

dappled_leaves's avatar

@Souljacker If you know nothing about her, how can you have a crush on her? Don’t you know anything about her personality?

Souljacker's avatar

@dappled_leaves Ok, let me clarify. It’s a fleeting “crush” so to speak. She’s pretty, I saw her, what can I do?

dappled_leaves's avatar

^ One of the reasons I’m glad I don’t have to live through high school again.

I can’t imagine wanting to date someone solely because they are aesthetically pleasing. She obviously means nothing to you. Why bother?

Souljacker's avatar

@dappled_leaves Should I ignore a nice looking person? Don’t think so. She’s cute and looks interesting, I don’t see why I shouldn’t at least try, given the opportunity.

CWOTUS's avatar

I recommend that you see who is around her who you also know and who will make an introduction for you.

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