General Question

Inconito101's avatar

How can I live?

Asked by Inconito101 (404points) February 1st, 2015 from iPhone

Good morning all,

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to feel alive and live?

I feel like there a hole in my heart. Every day I feel this pressure on my heart that I can’t stand but I dont know how to make it stop. My heart hurt so much I just want it to stop. I just dont feel like I want to be here, anywhere. I can’t seem to find hapiness or be content.

I try to go where my friends invite but I can’t really stand in a circle(i.e) for too long because I end up wanting to go in another room and sleep.

I dont understand how when I’m invited somewhere (get together, club, restaurant) everyone seem to have fun and dance all night or talk and play and I can’t.

I honestly wish I could just be erase from the Earth. I don’t understand why life is like this for me my head hurts and it hurts to live. I just want another life.

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32 Answers

janbb's avatar

What do you like to do? Find that out and do more of it, then you will start living.

the_overthinker's avatar

Maybe you do not enjoy hanging out in a larger group of friends. Try spending time with one, or two friends, and it should be more interesting. This way, you’re able to contribute more in the conversation, and more likely be able to do activities that you find interesting. Or perhaps you should make new friends.

Maybe you just need someone to talk to openly about.

Don’t give up on life. Maybe it is just a phase. How long have you felt this way? When was the last time you felt alive? Maybe you’re just not that into the club scene too.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Has something specific happened recently, or have you always felt like this? I mean, I remember feeling like that for months after a break up with a boyfriend who I (thought) I loved.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

You are obviously suffering fron heavy anxiety and depression. You need the help of an expert in the field. Do something NOW before it consumes you and wastes your productive years.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

I would take @ZEPHYRA advice it does sound like you are suffering from some sort of depression, I would seek out an expert and see what they have to say on it.

thorninmud's avatar

First, you have to consider the possibility that you might be clinically depressed. There may be something that a medical professional can do for you. Please check into that. Whether or not that’s the case though, there are some things you yourself can do to improve your perspective.

A good way to begin is by recognizing that these feelings don’t define you. They appear in your awareness, but they’re not who you are. They’re an experience that comes and goes, like the weather. When you stop identifying with them, they lose much of their power over you.

Also, consider the possibility that you may be constantly overlooking happiness. You may have ideas about the kinds of things that are supposed to make you happy, like partying with friends and other forms of fun. But the fact is that happiness usually comes in smaller and more ordinary ways that may not have much to do with fun at all. When you understand this, then you start to see that happiness is almost always right within reach. You just have to learn to recognize it.

There was a 17th century Chinese scholar named Chin Shengt’an who wrote a list of some of these ordinary happinesses. Take a look Happiness in this form can be mixed right in with the hurt of life. But you have to be open to it.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Before we diagnose the heck out of her we need to find out what triggered this. If it’s a temporary let down, she needs to ride it out and learn that this too will end.

If it’s something she’s suffered from all of her life then she needs professional help.

CWOTUS's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

Without attempting to diagnose you remotely, because I’m not a qualified physician and even one who was would not attempt diagnosis over a text message, you have listed several symptoms of clinical depression:
– feelings of extreme tiredness
– not wanting to be anywhere or do anything
– sadness with no specific cause (depression is not “grief”, although they manifest similarly; grief will have a cause that you can point to and say “that is why I’m sad”)
– feelings of dissociation with people who can and do enjoy their active lives
– lack of energy and inability to join activities that you would normally find pleasurable
– expressed feelings or tendencies toward suicide or “ending it all”

I second all those who say that you need to talk to a doctor, show him what you have written, and ask if those are symptoms of depression and what you can do about it. You may find a doctor who says that it’s something other than depression (in which case I would ask for a second opinion!), but whatever it is, you need some kind of treatment, therapy or remediation.

No one can just say to you “lighten up” or “just take a walk and enjoy the day” or other platitudes; you need to be able to do those things, and it sounds like right now you cannot.

Good luck, and please check back in with us. We may never know you, but we care.

gailcalled's avatar

Without “diagnosing the heck out” of the OP, check out her similar question of four days ago, which reinforces her profound long-term despair. I also agree that it requires some professional intervention.

“I’ve been struggling with low self esteem for a good part of my life. It is very hard for me because from a young age, people have been calling me ugly and these words still resonate 24/7 in my head.”

“There are days I just wish I could disappear.”

majorrich's avatar

It does sound very depressionesque, but I would seek professional help if it lasts for a long period of time. Sometimes people describe a profound loss such as a sibling or a spouse leaving a ‘hole or void’ in their heart because of the emotional loss and sense of mourning that never really ends. Some people feel as though their soul is torn after the ending of a relationship. We only know you as a fluthery entity and can only relate to what you have given us. I would consult a pastor or your physician before seeking psychiatric help, but I am not a professional. I did stay in a Holiday inn once.

Buttonstc's avatar

In addition to the excellent advice above about being evaluated by a medical professional, here’s another thought that might help the self esteem issues and general despair.

I’m not at all surprised that the idea of going out clubbing and/or drinking with friends does nothing. It would drive me bonkers as well. It may be that finding something more worthwhile to do with your time may end up being beneficial to you.

How about trying to find a cause or people who are in desperate need and volunteering with an organization set up to help.

Just off the top of my head, here are a few which come to mind. Every animal shelter of which I know is always in need of caring people to volunteer time to help out in any way they can.

It could be helping to groom/ bathe dogs so they look more appealing to adopt. Or just taking them for a walk to get them out of a cage and give them some one-on-one time, attention and love.

Animals don’t give a flying fig what anybody looks like and for every little bit of love they get, they return it tenfold. Their love is unconditional and all of us could benefit from a little more unconditional love in our lives :)

I do think that a no-kill shelter might have less chance of being depressing for you but any kind of shelter would welcome your help.

Or, how about working with children who have done nothing wrong but whose presence is required in court either because of divorcing parents and custody issues or a variety of other issues.

The court appoints a lawyer for them but lawyers are busy people. You would be there solely for them as a friendly face, a shoulder to cry on or just someone to be there for them.

The group is called CASA which stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate. It requires no special expertise (that’s the lawyers job) just a desire to help a child through a distressing time in their lives.

Big Brothers/Big Sisters is another organization in need of volunteers to mentor children from single parent homes and be a friend to them.

These are just a few off the top of my head and I’m sure you could find plenty of other groups in desperate need of willing volunteers.

There’s even a website which guides you to groups which would match your talents, interests and abilities. I’ll look through my bkmrks and edit it in.

There’s nothing like the smile on the face of a child or the or tail wag or face lick of a grateful animal to help put a smile on one’s face and lift the fog for awhile.

Give the possibility of volunteering a little time some serious consideration. Who knows, you might even find a friend among the other volunteers.

talljasperman's avatar

By letting go of what you think you need to be happy. Just let go and move on. Focus on helping others instead of helping your self.

Buttonstc's avatar

No matter how bad the circumstances of our life we can always find someone who is in worse shape.

I missed the edit time window because I was trying to find an accurate source for this quote.

The best I could do was either “Ancient Persian proverb” or “Russian Proverb”. Take your pick:

“I cried because I had no shoes…until I met a man who had no feet.”

Go find someone in need and extend a helping hand or a little time. I guarantee you’ll feel better afterward :)

BTW. Welcome to Fluther. Stick around. Most of us are cheerful welcoming types and we like newcomers.

josie's avatar

Minimize alcohol consumption
Eat more fruits and vegetables, less gluten
Exercise. Vigorously, daily.

Zaku's avatar

Sounds like you don’t know what’s going on with yourself, probably because you blocked it out and lost track. There are many paths to discovering that and healing it.

Spiritual work (either religious or practical e.g. shamanic practitioners)
and others

Inconito101's avatar

@the_overthinker @Dutchess_III its since elementary school, now I’m 22. I Always try o think when was the last time i felt alive but i honestly don’t remember I’ve been sad for so long i only know that state.

@ZEPHYRA do you at time experience anxiety ? If yes, how do you deal with it? Is there a way to move the energy other part than the heart. Its a heavy feel really uncomfortable.



I really feel like I’m falling in and out of consciousness. I come from a place of “darkness” if i may say and the main reason i came into this spiritual journey its because i was tired of suffering. I felt like my heart was completely close and i wasn’t in touch with my feelings or myself. Like a deep whole in my heart and i was really sad. After a year and some of working on myself I’ve seen improvements (inner and outer world )and I’ve learn a lot in spirituality and I’m really thankful. Somehow it feels like nothing. As if i don’t know anything really. Anyways, even thought I’ve make a lot of steps forward in this journey I still pressure the pressure and whole in my heart and its heavy. I still feel that blockage in my heart. Some of us are in it deeper and most of the time when I’m looking at pages that are” uplifting people” they’re good at saying things like “just let the thoughts go” let things flow because they’ve overcome and reached a certain level in their journey but they don’t dig deep enough. I know that the pain body love to feed on more pain which is why some get stuck in depression, that energy field strengthened itself over and over, over the time. And for the ones of us that are in it deeper, how can we fight this pain body when it awaken ? Why do theses ill feelings have so much strength over me? I at timessee myself aware when it comes but somehow it has a hold of me and i still feel myself deep in the hole. Is there something i can do to make the energy circulate? Do you ever experience anxiety ? How do you deal with it ?!

“Also, consider the possibility that you may be constantly overlooking happiness.” Thank you for opening my mind to this.I will look into this link !

@CWOTUS , @ gailcalled & @majorrich thank you! :)


“It may be that finding something more worthwhile to do with your time may end up being beneficial to you.” Yes thank you are right! That’s what I’m trying to find out every day but I don’t seem to be really interested in anything. Well I’m interested in many thing but not really committed or willing guess to anything.

“How about trying to find a cause or people who are in desperate need and volunteering with an organization set up to help.”

Yes I started this page to uplift and help other in raising their consciousness. The thing is, I’m very knowledgeable in the “Spiritual world” But like mention above coming from that deep darkness and still have those heavy things on me makes me rethink if the fact that I’m helping other seem hypocrite on my side ? Sometimes I want to close this page because I’m not there yet. Of courses I feel goods when I see that I’ve helped someone and my words were felt but is it kind of hypocrite? And should I not only help when I’m there ?

@ talljasperman

“I cried because I had no shoes…until I met a man who had no feet.” Yes thank you for the reminder :)



Thank you! :)



Yes you’re right thank you ( please see above what I answered to thorninmud)

thorninmud's avatar

@Inconito101 Serious spiritual explorations pretty much always lead to what has been called “the dark night of the soul”. This is the condition where your old understanding of reality no longer works, the things you once valued lose their importance, nothing gives satisfaction, the sense of meaning drains from life. This feels very dark, indeed, but it’s a necessary stop on the journey. It’s all the more unsettling because most people, like you, undertake a spiritual journey to get relief from suffering, but this dark place can seem worse than the condition of people who don’t care about spiritual matters. One Zen master said it’s like swallowing a hot iron ball that refuses to go down, but can’t be coughed back up, either. Not pleasant. This is why spiritual work takes courage.

You described it perfectly as a condition of “not knowing anything, really”. That’s important. That “not knowing” condition is where the true spiritual work gets done. To not know is to be open. You also say that “it feels like nothing”. That’s important, too. This “not knowing” and Nothing are not problems to be fixed; they’re crucial stops on your path.

Zaku's avatar

There is a vastly happier life and existence to be found by shedding much of whatever these clouds are. The perspective of wise other people will help tremendously. It’s much easier for others to see what’s clouding us.

I’m pretty sure most or all of what’s oppressing you isn’t really intrinsically yours or even about you. You’ve forgotten yourself. When you remember, it’s going to be such a relief!

anonymous6059's avatar

You either need to make some major life changes or get on some serious anti-depressants, maybe both. I suggest if you can moving somewhere new.

anonymous6059's avatar

Oh, and I got myself out of depression by realizing that only a very fortunate person has the luxury to be depressed for long. Most people are to busy trying to survive to take the time to feel sorry for themselves. It doesn’t really sound like positive advice, but if you really think about it you will see how useless it is to spend your time feeling like that.

Inconito101's avatar

Thank you for your words @thorninmud

@zaku wonder how much time it will take-_-

@anonymous6059 yes but its very hard to do anything without any money :/

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
kess's avatar

Happiness is not found in the abundance of activities but in the contentment of the heart.

What ever you do find peace in your heart.
Do not be afraid to be weak, lacking, vulnerable…
Is from that position you have the ability to love without condition.

Be a problem solver, it takes creativity and creative you are.

Take no thought about the things you can’t do anything about.
Let everything be what ever they are, while at the same time change for the better what is within your control.

Live moment by moment…tomorrow never comes anyway.

What ever path brings you towards peace, take it.
This might mean confronting fears and putting it being you.

Let by gone be by buy gones no matter how hurtful…they made you into the person you are today.

anonymous6059's avatar

I found a book called “The happiness paradox” to be very insightful. Oh, and believe it or not sometimes you really need to be depressed. Short periods of depression can be evolutionarily beneficial. It could help you reflect and decide to make changes in life. Perhaps, you need to be unhappy right now… However, any extended periods of depression would be a indication of possible mental illness. If so you should talk to a doctor about getting some happy pills.

Maybe, we’re just not meant to really ever be too happy.

Zaku's avatar

The fastest easiest results I’ve had were from shamanic practitioners, but that was after having done a LOT of work with many other methods. A shaman can clear out stuff that isn’t really yours, and get you back in touch with yourself, but then there is also a lot of personal work for you to do. I would do ongoing counseling and psychiatry, and probably hit the Landmark Forum, which tends to blast through layers that could take years of therapy, in one weekend.

Inconito101's avatar

Thank you, thats what im wondering if some people are just meant to suffer and other happy, some are meant to be beautiful and love and the others get no love .. @anonymous6059 thank you for the link ill look it up! :)

Inconito101's avatar

Thank you ! I wonder if theres any shaman in canada! Thats something id have to look into ! For now il check your link up! Thank you friend:) @zaku

janbb's avatar

How do you feel about going for therapy? I think that is the first step to take.

Zaku's avatar

Shamanic practitioners, psychiatrists, and Landmark Education all are in Canada. :-)

Inconito101's avatar

I tried a year and a half ago it didnt work @janbb

Inconito101's avatar

@zaku awesome thanks!

CWOTUS's avatar

From what I’ve read about therapy, @Inconito101, “it” never works … you have to do the work, and the therapist serves as a kind of coach or mentor to help guide you, keep you going and cheer your progress with you. So it’s important in that sense to have the right therapist (and the right therapy, too, I suppose), but expecting therapy to work magic is similar to expecting an exorcist to expel the demons that haunt you. It doesn’t “work” that way.

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