Social Question

AnonymousWoman's avatar

Why would a guy tell a girl he really likes that he is just joking and not serious about being attracted to her?

Asked by AnonymousWoman (6523points) February 1st, 2015

Today, I found out one of my old crushes really had a thing for me and talks to his best friend about me a lot. This guy is a guy I was never really sure if he actually liked me for me, or liked messing with my head. He’d act like he was joking about being attracted to me. Strangely, by doing this, he screwed himself over because I’m now in a committed relationship of almost 2 and a ½ years.

It came up because I noticed he deactivated his FB and wanted to say hi, so I asked his best friend what happened to him. Then somehow that turned into “He really needs a girlfriend, too bad you’re taken…” and other stuff. So when I told him I was never really sure if the guy really liked me, he confided the rest.

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6 Answers

Mariah's avatar

Insecure people tend to “test the waters” by saying something that could maybe be interpreted as flirtatious, see how the other person reacts, and then if they don’t think the reaction was favorable, backpedal: “hahaha just kidding so funny nope I’m definitely not into you.” I wonder if that’s what he was doing.

CWOTUS's avatar

I would have written @Mariah‘s answer, except … there it is. My work is done here.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

When I was a kid my ego was fairly fragile. I worried about rejection. Now I realize what an idiot I was. So I just say go for it and screw the results. If it works good, if not, I don’t sweat it.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

As @Mariah has said, he was protecting himself from the rejection he thought he would get. He’s obviously a shy, insecure guy. I think it must be very hard for young guys who are still by and large expected to make the first move and to do so in a confident way. Look how many questions we get from young women who lack confidence and belief in themselves, but guys have to put themselves on the line and ask girls out.

Many young (and not so young) men are also unable to identify when girls are giving them signals that they’re interested.

On a different question, @CWOTUS gave a young man advice about ‘the dance’ couples go through to connect. Look at all the ‘does he/she like me’ questions we get here. Life and romance would be much more efficient if we could cut through all the gameplay and just be more direct.

kritiper's avatar

He has self-esteem issues, or there is another girl he wants more.

Zaku's avatar

Irrational fear of losing the hope/fantasy/possibility of being with her. As long as she doesn’t know, she won’t reject him or things won’t get messed up in some way in reality. Also possibly advice from others and/or the theory that it doesn’t work to be honest about attraction that seems likely to be premature or unrequited. Also could be (at the same time as any or all of those) that he is afraid to actually get into a relationship with someone he really cares for, for fear of injury/loss/lack-of-control, or whatever relationship pattern he learned when younger e.g. from his parents.

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