General Question

whattodo2's avatar

Should a woman tell the man she's dating that she used to date women?

Asked by whattodo2 (91points) July 14th, 2008

Or it it “don’t ask, don’t tell?”

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

9 Answers

jrpowell's avatar

Only if you want to turn him on.

Seriously, I don’t see why you would need to divulge this info. As a man I wouldn’t be bothered by knowing it. But you don’t need to disclose it.

MissAnthrope's avatar

I think that if you get to the point where you’re sexually involved with him and the two of you are mutually disclosing your past sexual history, it would be appropriate. But only if you want to.

I’m very honest with my partners about my sexual history, so I couldn’t imagine not telling. However, I guess ultimately, it’s up to you and how you feel about it.

tinyfaery's avatar

If your just dating, I’d say no. But if the relationship is something that you would like to become meaningful and lasting, then why wouldn’t you share who you are with this person? There is no way to determine how he’d react, but his feelings are really not the issue; the issue is how you feel about. Do you want to keep it hidden? What if an ex-girlfriend shows up on your doorstep? like lesbians do :)

scamp's avatar

It’s completely up to you. Your past is your business, unless there is an STD involved, and you plan to have sex.

marinelife's avatar

I do not think that you need to reveal everything during ealry dating. If you feel yourself caring for him and you feel he cares for you, then you have to tell him. What you tell him depends on the situation. Here are some possible ways to look at it. Avoid details, even if he asks.

“I went through a phase in which I tried dating girls, but found that it wasn’t right for me, because I am mostly attracted to guys.” In case one, you may not ever need to tell him anything unless you think you might run into an ex.

“I am bisexual and have at time been attracted to both sexes, but I know you are the right person for me.” In this case, you just tell him that.

“I have only had lesbian relationships before you.” In this case, you had better be very sure inside yourself that you really care for him and are not just repudiating your own sexuality.

MissAnthrope's avatar

@tinyfaery – Haha.. touche.

loser's avatar

maybe get to know him really well first. Then you’ll know in your heart what to do.

charybdys's avatar

The longer you wait though, the more likely it will seem like you’re hiding it. Don’t wait too long. If you want a real, longer-term relationship with him, you should tell him. If its just casual dating, then you could avoid it. Don’t lie if he asks who you dated before though.

singasong's avatar

If its a serious relationship, than its best to be totally honest and open. Never hide or keep anything from each other. But think this one through before doing it. You dont have to do it now, or ever, but imo, you should be open about everything…. ONLY if this is a serious long term relationship. If youre not there yet, dont worry about it :P

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