Social Question

janbb's avatar

Is "tooting your own horn" a desirable trait?

Asked by janbb (57237points) February 15th, 2015

I have a friend, let’s call her Cheryl, who is always going on and on about her wonderful talents and personality. I am finding it increasingly hard to tolerate Cheryl and may have to end the friendship. In my mind, it is for others to see what you do well and tell you – if they want to – rather than for you to be bragging constantly about your accomplishments. Your thoughts?

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23 Answers

Dutchess_III's avatar

My husband toots his own horn constantly,but it’s under the guise of how awesome other people think he is. It’s a little annoying sometimes. But then again, it’s probably a facet that makes him a great sales man.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Beter than turning yourself into a doormat!

chyna's avatar

But @ZEPHYRA, there has to be a happy medium between being a doormat and constantly praising yourself. I know someone that constantly praises themselves and I want to scream, NO, no one sees you that way. Are you blind?

Dutchess_III's avatar

Now I’m curious…what kind of things does she praise about herself, @chyna?

jaytkay's avatar

You’ll never get anywhere if you don’t promote yourself sometimes.

Is that the smartest thing ever written on Fluther or what!!!??

chyna's avatar

@Dutchess_III It’s a person I work with. She thinks the entire hospital loves and respects her. In fact, she is the most despised person in the hospital. I have even heard the housekeeping staff make fun of her. She will say things like “the administration loves me, so I can get anything I want.” Not true. “I’m the best doctor here.” Not true, you would actually have to see patients and not sit in the office on facebook.

ucme's avatar

I can’t stand clowns & their stupid little cars…wait !!

trailsillustrated's avatar

It’s pretty boring and annoying.

janbb's avatar

@trailsillustrated Yes, it gets really tiresome.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

@chyna yes I totally agree! After all, idiots always play themselves up and people of value are usually overly humble.

dappled_leaves's avatar

It depends on the setting and the attitude. It doesn’t sound like it’s a desirable trait in the specific person you’re referring to.

Edit: I have met several people who can’t write an attractive resume to save their lives. Self-promotion is a skill they could really use.

Coloma's avatar

Nothing wrong with embracing our strong points, we should feel good about our strengths and accomplisments, but… not on a chronic, daily basis with others.
At that point it becomes more like fishing for compliments and affirmation not healthy self esteem.

ibstubro's avatar

I’d get myself as far from Cheryl as possible.

Knowing my personality, I’d have to eventually start subtlety undermining her daily affirmations. Either mentioning people who had the same attribute, only better, questioning how she arrived at her ‘yardstick’, or pretending that her self aggrandizement was meant as a joke.

Better to distance yourself and not make the enemy.

janbb's avatar

I do now try to avoid engaging with this person as much as possible.

Brian1946's avatar

According to Miles Davis, tooting his own horn was a lot more desirable than trying to toot Dizzy’s. ;-)

keobooks's avatar

I don’t think it’s bad to do it now and then, but all the time, it can get annoying.

tinyfaery's avatar

Someone with a healthy ego would never need to talk about how great they are. They just be great. (Kinda like saying I’m so smart all the time. If you’re smart others will know without you having to say it.) A little “yay me” is good every so often. It helps to remind yourself that sometimes you are really great. But I’m talking a few times a decade. Any more is bravado.

Psychologically speaking, those who gloat the most actually feel quite shitty about themselves. If you are the only one saying how great you are, that’s a problem.

The best person I know refuses to accept compliments and being lauded. She shies away from any sort of acknowledment about how wonderful she really is. She doesn’t think she’s special in any way. But she is, and EVERYONE tells her she is. Now that’s a truly great, humble person.

Why my wife puts up with me is baffling.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

Some people are totally lacking in self-awareness @chyna.

To answer the question, I don’t think people should be so modest that real achievements are overlooked but there’s a balance between letting people know you’ve had a success or achieved a goal, and blowing your own trumpet. Some people constantly self-promote and it’s very irritating. Then there are other people who’s real achievements are overlooked because they’re too modest. If this person is being annoying, I’d say they fall into the first camp.

fluthernutter's avatar

I like cocky people—if they’ve got the shit to back it up. But, in my experience, tooting your own horn is usually a sign of low self-esteem. There’s nothing wrong with being self-confident. It’s just how you pull it off.

canidmajor's avatar

People that constantly need to tell others that they are (for example) smart and funny often seem to be neither. If it is appropriate in a conversation to mention accomplishments, perhaps to enhance the credibility of your position, fine, but otherwise it just seems to indicate insecurity in a somewhat obnoxious way.

I have an online acquaintance who does this constantly, but I can mostly ignore her posts. My eyes sometimes hurt from all the extreme rolling.

Coloma's avatar

What about fluther here, with the tag line of we are all experts in something?
I do agree constant self promotion is usually a sign of low self esteem, then again, there is also the saying about never shining less brightly to appease others. Balance is the ticket.
Big difference between humility and dumbing down.

janbb's avatar

I think you don’t have to tell people that you’re an expert in something if it shows in your answers.

ibstubro's avatar

I remember during the beginning of the latest Ebola outbreak someone tooting their horn about creds, then making grammar and spelling mistakes in subsequent posts, @janbb. Sort of took some of the shine off their star for me.

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