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chelle21689's avatar

Is it rude if everyone gets a discount at your dinner table except you?

Asked by chelle21689 (7419points) March 14th, 2015 from iPhone

A few questions:

1. Is this rude?

2. What would you have done?

My bf’s sister invited us out to dinner along with her boyfriend and their other sister. She works at this restaurant and has been here for several years. Anyways, at the end…everyone got a discount except me. My bf was on my check… She said if I was on his bill they would’ve given me a discount. What difference does it make since he’s with me? Also, she told the waitress who should get discounts but I guess since the waitress realized I was the one paying/treating and not my bf I didn’t get one.

So everyone got a discount except me. Lol, I told my bf later that it was rude and he should’ve said something to her. He said he didn’t know what to do at the time.

It’s not like they knew we weren’t married or that they have some strict rule. just curious, no biggie!

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14 Answers

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Yes, it was rude.

1TubeGuru's avatar

It was rude if it was intentional.

CWOTUS's avatar

Your boyfriend’s sister certainly was being passive-aggressively rude to you. And wrong, too, apparently. Because the fact is that you were included on your boyfriend’s check, only you paid the check. So she apparently went out of her way to embarrass you, for whatever reason she isn’t saying – or you choose not to repeat.

I’d be careful of being more involved with that family. From a boyfriend who won’t speak up for you when his sister publicly attacks you (even in this modest way), or just isn’t bright enough to realize what is happening and demand the check himself (so that you could get the discount and expose her machination), to that sister, on whom I would never turn my back. Boy, I can’t wait to meet the parents!

You were extremely polite to wait until later to speak to your boyfriend politely. I think that I may have sized up this situation pretty quickly (if not before the dinner even occurred) and responded with something like, “Really!? Well then, here you are honey.” [Presenting him with the bill] “You pay, because I am out of here. Good bye. Don’t call.”

Maybe if he grew a spine and settled his sister’s hash – verbally only! – and straightened out what is obviously an unhealthy family dynamic and attained world peace, maybe then I would take his calls again. You need better. The human race needs better.

elbanditoroso's avatar

A discount is a favor or a concession. Not really an expectation. I suppose you could be miffed (as you seem to be). And it’s a bit thoughtless of the group to not have insisted that you get it.

But the fundamental point is that you expected to pay full price when you walked in, and you ended up paying full price. So you’re ticked that you didn’t get something that everyone else did.

I don’t see how you are worse off. Others are better off, but you are no worse off than you would have been in the first place.

My impression- this is a whine because you want to whine. I don’t see this as a major issue.

chelle21689's avatar

@CWOTUS she thought I got a discount. Because I said I didn’t have enough on my giftcard and when she looked at it she said she thought they would’ve put a discount. Then she said if it was my boyfriend paying and I was on it we would’ve gotten a discount. So I don’t think I can really say she was trying anything.

@ebrand, yes more of a little whine. Well I was done whining, now I’m wondering and curious of people’s thoughts is all. No big issue

chyna's avatar

Also, she told the waitress who should get discounts but I guess since the waitress realized I was the one paying/treating and not my bf I didn’t get one.
I can’t tell what you are saying here. Did she tell the waitress to give you a discount, or did she leave you out when telling the waitress who got the discount?

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Tactless, yes; rude, no.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

Impossible to say. If she works there and asked for the party to get a family discount and thought you were included and the people processing the bill, determined you weren’t family and charged you full price, it’s not really her fault. She could have gone back and asked for them to recalculate it if you raised it there and then, but you didn’t.

If she told them who to give a discount to and excluded you then yes, that’s rude and she’s making a statement.

JLeslie's avatar

If I understand the details correctly it’s just stupid that the waitress or your bf’s sister didn’t say, “let him pay so you can get the discount.” I’d be pissed if I were you. Pissed for a minute, I don’t mean you should hold onto any anger about it, but I would say something to my bf.

Couldn’t they have changed the bill before you paid it and fixed it?

Mind you, when I worked in retail I never risked my job to give a relative or friend a discount, so I understand not sharing a discount, but this doesn’t sound like that sort of situation. It sounds like a simple paperwork thing that would have been easy to prevent or fix.

jca's avatar

I agree with you, @chelle21689, that it should not make a difference whether you are on your bf’s bill or he is on your bill – you had one bill as a couple, and no matter who paid it should not matter. It doesn’t matter to the restaurant. She should have gone back and had the waitress adjust the bill.

Honestly, I don’t understand why not just make one bill anyway and people pay what portion they feel is legit – in other words, one sister pays 2/5, one pays 1/5 and you pay 2/5. I don’t go with people who do that, either. We just divide it evenly and not nit pick over a few bucks per person.

If I were you I would have been slightly annoyed and somewhat embarrassed. She told you in front of everyone, and what were you supposed to do? It almost seems like she was gloating about it, the way you describe it. Why announce it in front of everyone?

JLeslie's avatar

@jca You make a good point that it would have made the most sense to have one check in that situation. The bf’s sister should have set it up that way to ensure everyone received a discount. The whole thing is quite inconsiderate towards the OP. It would be different if she simply wasn’t entitled to a discount in any way shape or form. When I lived in NY, FL, and MD that was typical in general. Other states waiters automatically split the checks. The only time I like to have my own check is when I’m with people who drink alcohol.

jca's avatar

@JLeslie: I am always in to dividing the check evenly, although it’s appreciated when those who eat or drink something excessive (more so that the rest) willingly and voluntarily offer to chip in a bit extra to cover their extra. “Oh no, take ten back and I’ll throw in an extra ten because I had the wine.”

JLeslie's avatar

Now I’m thinking. When we have a coupon, or someone else does, we usually use the coupon/discount for the whole table and then kind of divide up evenly sometimes, or unevenly if it’s more than a few dollars difference. I’m never counting to the penny though.

Often with close friends I pick up the whole tab or they do, assuming we will see each other again and reciprocate. Also, if it’s my husband and I and one of my girlfriends joining us we usually pay the whole check, a throw back to the men should pay thing I guess. Not always, but a lot of the time.

stanleybmanly's avatar

You had the option of informing the waitress that you felt fully justified in “discounting” her tip in an amount proportionate to the slight.

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