Social Question

JLeslie's avatar

Are you keeping anything to yourself lately?

Asked by JLeslie (59783points) April 10th, 2015 from iPhone

I’m usually an open book, but the last year I’ve had to keep quiet about some things in my life. Just this week something else was lumped on top! It’s not being kept from my husband, most everything involves both of us, but the outside world knows only minor, or on some things, no details.

It’s been a learning experience. I used to not understand why people are sometimes so private. I now have a new understanding.

If you have something, how are you dealing with it? Do you wish you could confide in someone? Have you shared the info with a confidant against what might be best?

You can share the details with us or not. I’m more curious what the experience is like for you.

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17 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

Well yeah, but some people know who I am on here so I’m not telling!

canidmajor's avatar

I’m sorry you’re going through this, in my experience it requires a level of vigilance that can be wearing.
I have experienced this on two different levels. One is knowing someone else’s secret and being asked to not reveal while they work it out; an unasked for confidence can be a burden.
I have also had this experience for myself, and the need to be careful how I speak and react to things can be exhausting.

I hope you can resolve these things soon, and relax.

Misspegasister28's avatar

I’m not telling my friend about how she makes me feel because she’s stressed enough already and I don’t want to make her feel unnecessarily guilty for something she can’t help.

Basically she gets all A’s in every single class, I study and I have a D and C in two of my classes. She’s extremely smart, I’m in chemistry with her and on the last test she got 100%. I studied, did all the homework and the extra credit and got a 54%. She’s gorgeous and she’s pretty much a model, she gets a lot of professional pictures done of her. She’s also an awesome artist and writer and she gets so much more attention than me and basically I feel like she’s better in almost every way.

My family is telling me that I should tell her how I feel about her, but I know that she doesn’t have a very good home life and her parents are emotionally abusive and will disappear pretty much every other week, leaving her alone to fend for herself. So I don’t want to tell her that she makes me feel inferior and like crap because her life is already really hard and I know that. I don’t want to make her feel worse.

I’ve always been a closed off person though. That’s what everyone says. They always say I’m really quiet and that they don’t know much about me.

ragingloli's avatar

have i ever withheld anything from you?

jerv's avatar

There is plenty that I keep to myself, or at least don’t reveal to any but those closest to me.

I think you are now seeing why I have such a strong reaction to those who claim, “I have nothing to hide!”, when it comes to surveillance and cyber-security. We all have things to hide; it’s just that some people try to hide the fact that they are even hiding things while others think they are the only ones who are entitled to privacy.

I’m still waiting for bank account numbers, passwords/PINs, and nude photos of all those “I have nothing to hide!” people who I’ve challenged over the years.

janbb's avatar

I’m trying to learn to keep more to myself. I think I’m way too revealing at times. I don’t reveal much on the internet any more but in person I can be too open.

JLeslie's avatar

@canidmajor Keeping someone else’s secret is not very difficult for me, unless it is an unusual circumstance that keeping the secret could cause real harm to someone else or themselves. Regular gossip that I am just asked not to tell I can keep to myself with no problem.

At least when I know someone else’s secret we can talk about it together. Keeping my own things private, who do I talk to? They aren’t the kind of secrets that scandals are made of thank goodness. No one is being harmed, no one will be in serious trouble.

For the first time in my life my thoughts have taken on a more visual need. I assume because I am not verbally expressing myself. I now understand artists more I think. A way to purge thoughts through the paint brush.

ucme's avatar

My vast fortune, it’s mine I tell ya…all mine.

JLeslie's avatar

@ucme I always say that when I win the lottery I am not going to tell anyone.

ucme's avatar

@JLeslie Best to tell everyone you burnt most of it & wiped your arse with the rest, disposable income.

JLeslie's avatar

@ucme I think it’s actually public record here. Anyone can look up who won. I’m not sure though.

Mariah's avatar

I tell my boyfriend pretty much everything, but I’ve been feeling really insecure ever since I woke up one morning to him in bed next to me googling for advice related to “growing distant from girlfriend.” I did end up telling him that I had woken up and seen it, so we talked it over and everything, but I haven’t told him how nervous I’ve been ever since. Sometimes I feel like a puppy trying to do tricks to stay in his favor and keep his attention. I’m so stupidly attached to him – I love him so much – if this relationship ends I know I will be broken for awhile. I’m also putting a lot of eggs into one basket by moving in with him. Most of the time I don’t doubt that he’s still super into me but sometimes I just get so paranoid that he’s getting bored. I don’t want to share my insecurity because that’s just not attractive.

Mimishu1995's avatar

I keep a lot. Each people I meet know only parts of me. Each gets a different part. No one ever knows the full me. There are also things nobody should know about me.

Maybe the only people who knows everything about me is the citizens of my imaginary world.

Pandora's avatar

Funny you should ask because I’ve recently come to the conclusion that some of those closest to me think they know the real me and they don’t. There are a lot of things I keep to myself because I don’t want to appear weak or vulnerable. I actually get hurt easier than most people think. I just pretend I don’t because I don’t want them to feel bad or feel like I’m trying to emotionally black mail them. I like people to take me as I am or not, but to be honest about what they want from a relationship.

I have found if I reveal to much they jump way to one side of it or the other. I want them to feel confident that I can handle things but to understand that it doesn’t mean I am superwoman or without feelings. I find it ironic that I want them to treat me with full honesty and yet they will never know the real me because I can’t trust them not to try to box me in. I am not just one type or the other. I am many different things. No matter what. It seems I will always be type cast.
Wooo, I’m glad I got that off my chest. LOL

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

I do not care who you are, there are always things you keep locked in your secret closet and not even family, friends, or your spouse knows, or ever will know. Most people don’t realize it and think they are an open book, but there are always pages black marked out.

fluthernutter's avatar

Our son was recently diagnosed with autism. I haven’t told that many people. Not necessarily because I’m hiding it in any way. It’s just an awkward thing to bring up. Most people’s reactions make me uncomfortable—more uncomfortable than the diagnosis itself. If it’s relevant to the conversation, I have no issue about bring it up.

jca's avatar

There’s a lot I don’t reveal or discuss, in real life or on the internet. I reveal things on Fluther that people in real life don’t know (opinions, feelings, etc.). In both real life and on the internet, some things like health situations with relatives, thoughts and concerns about certain topics, my personal life, I don’t bring up or discuss.

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