Should my girlfriend have introduced me?

Yeah – she should have but sometimes it is awkward in a gathering like that to find the right moment.

Yep. You’re a jerk. :-)
Next time, socialize! Walk up to them and say “Hi! Aikido didn’t have a chance to introduce us. I’m Judo, the guest of honor’s boyfriend/SO/date. What’s your name?”

If you weren’t invited to the party, THEN I’d say you had a problem.

Thanks. The longer I am away from last night the more I see it like this. I should’ve walked up and said “hey.”

Maybe she was more nervous or unfocused on etiquette than you were at that moment. No matter what the explanation might be, you are in no way the ‘jerk’ in this situation.

“I’m Judo, let me show you my appendix scar.”

They cam out? Did you meet them at a restaurant, her house, your place? To me, the location would dictate how quick she should have introduced you.

I’d be a little upset too, especially after 3 years, but I would’ve also introduced myself after awhile.

She probably should have introduced you. That would have been the best thing to do. I don’t think she meant to slight you, though.

In this day and age, people 55 years and under (this is a generalization based on my own experience) don’t know how to do introductions and don’t know why they are important.

Your girlfriend probably assumed, or remembered incorrectly, that all of these people already knew you (because she probably talks about you to them) but forgot the fact that you have never actually met any of them, even though she has probably mentioned some or all of their names to you. Then, because it was her birthday and things were moving pretty fast, she probably didn’t even think to introduce you. At that point, you probably should have introduced yourself.

However, even if you introduced yourself, that might not have remedied the situation. I would say, that over the last 2 years, half of the people that I was meeting for the first time, were not introduced to me by the person I was with. So I said to the new person, “Hi, my name is Kardamom, I work with Rex here.” The response was either, “Oh” or “Hi” to which I then had to ask, “And what is your name?” No one seemed to be put off by the fact that I had to both introduce myself, and then try to ascertain who they were.

When I was in elementary school in the early 1970’s we were taught how to make introductions and then we practiced doing them when our parents came to our open house nights. We were expected to know how to do that. I don’t think most people, including those of my own age group (50’s and over) know how to do it.

I also know that when people get to a certain age, this usually starts in the late 30’s, that you tend to forget names, even of people that you have known for years. Even people that you work with every single day. When faced with introducing a new person to a crowd of people, it can be very embarrassing if you forget the name of someone who shares an office with you, or one of your old schoolmates. So, from this point on, I have decided that I will introduce myself and try not to make a big scene out of it. I also know, that I am also going to have to ask the other person who they are, because they likely aren’t going to introduce themselves to me.

In the meantime, you probably should very gently say something to her, now that it’s after the fact, so that in the future, she’ll remember that she needs to introduce you. Be very gentle and use a bit of humor when you bring this up. Say something like, “You know Karen, at your birthday party, you forgot to introduce me to your friends. I know that you know them, but I had never met any of them. Did you forget that I had never met any of them? I kind of felt like odd man out.” That ought to get the point across without offending her. If it does happen to offend her, then you’ve got a problem you didn’t know you had.

Next question: How do we bring back teaching proper introductions in elementary school?

@judochop I’d agree with @Kardamom . After three years she is probably so comfortable with you she didn’t think introductions were needed. Either that or she’s so totally clueless she’s going to get lost in the next snowstorm or flood and perish. Flip a coin.

It’s possible/likely that she was distracted and it slipped her mind. I’m always forgetting stuff like that when I’m overwhelmed with lots of different people all at once in a big group.

@Kardamom “In this day and age, people 55 years and under… don’t know why [introductions] are important.”

Why are introductions important?

I guess it’s only me, but I think it’s odd and rude that after 3 years you haven’t meant some of her friends and she didn’t introduce you, and she didn’t tell you she was moving to a new table until everyone else moved.

Why? I don’t buy the age argument. I don’t buy the she’s comfortable with you argument either. Sure. You could have introduced yourself. I think she was flippant and inconsiderate.

@gorillapaws Because it lets people know who other people are, without the embarrassment or awkwardness of having to ask people, in front of the people who should have introduced you in the first place, and make them both look foolish. It’s called manners. Manners were invented so that everyone would be on the same page and not have to look like or feel like a fool. It also prevents people from having to call people hey you and having either everyone turn around, or no one, since no one is actually called Hey You.

@Kardamom Your earlier post made it sound like there was some critical, non-obvious reason for formal introductions that people under 55 don’t understand. Of course it’s polite, that goes without saying…

@gorillapaws Yep, politeness is the only reason. Unfortunately, a lot of people were never taught manners in school or at home. It should be obvious, but it isn’t.

This reminds me of a time when I was invited to a co-worker’s house to tackle a project on his plate. His six year-old son came in with a friend. The child looked at me and said, “Hi. I’m (name) and this is my son, (name). He’s my best friend. After they left, I asked the co-worker about the greeting. He said that his son is so used to hearing himself introduced as “my son”, he assumes that it is part of the greeting.

I have to agree with @tinyfaery. There’s something else underlying here that goes beyond a lack of manners.

I understand the part about you going out for three years and not yet having met all of her friends. It’s possible she doesn’t see these people too often (like maybe they’re college roomies and live far away or something). I don’t understand the part about she moving to another table with them and not informing the whole group, and I also have trouble getting that she didn’t introduce you to them.