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Lee_27's avatar

Love life help please.

Asked by Lee_27 (348points) July 16th, 2008 from iPhone

Ok my s.o. and I broke up after 6 months in June due to him messing around. We started talk and becoming I guess friends with benefits a couple of weeks later. He says he still loves me and wants to take us slow but he has been really standoffish with me example: at times when I try to kiss him his lips barely move, when I go to touch him he moves some and it seems kinda like a chore when he spends time with me. He use to be great we had the most fun and he was really affectionate and nice. Should I just let him go? I’m having such a hard time with this cause I really love him he is my first love. And to make things worse he does not like to talk about any of this so I feel pretty alone in this.

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13 Answers

jlm11f's avatar

Remember: once a cheater, always a cheater.

After you broke up with him, you should have completely cut any contact with him and had a clean break up. I know it’s hard to let go especially when it’s the first love but you would be doing yourself wrong by staying with him because you can get someone better and you also deserve someone better. This relationship is not for you, and it seems not for him either. He’s just wasting time with you till he finds someone else. Run, (don’t walk) away from him and break off the whole arrangement. Start fresh and go out there and find someone who will be good to you and treat you right. There are good guys out there, you just need to give it time. Good luck.

osullivanbr's avatar

The advice you got here probably still stands for most of the collective I would imagine.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

As another member of “the collective” I agree with osullivanbr. PLEASE do it for you: Leave him. Don’t think about him. Don’t talk to him. Don’t give him any friendship or any benefits.

You may listen to us, or you may choose not to. But for your own sake, I hope you do.

I echo the sentiments of osullivanbr when he said “No woman deserves to be shown that level of disrespect. My two cent anyway. Whatever you decide to do just be sure to take care of yourself first.”

jlm11f's avatar

@osullivan – aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh. i knew this question was familiar. but since stuff like this is asked all the time, i wasn’t sure if it’s the same person. now why didn’t you post before me and save me the typing? haha j/k.

osullivanbr's avatar

Don’t blame me, blame your lightning fingers.

jlm11f's avatar

well at least i inspired a new question :)

La_chica_gomela's avatar

that’s awesome, PnL!

osullivanbr's avatar

Every cloud eh..

marinelife's avatar

Friends with benefits? Let me see, the relationship was bad and so you broke up. Now he gets sex, but won’t respond to your affectionate gestures or even have relationship conversations with you.

He is using you.

Have some self esteem. You can do better. Being alone will be better than this.

He won’t cut this off until he sees someone he wants more. The longer you maintain any contact with this loser, the longer you will hurt.

osullivanbr's avatar

Exactly Lee. Like I said to you before (off the main question)...

I know it hurts, it hurts really badly, but it goes away, and a while down the line you will not be able to comprehend the fuss you made about this guy.

Friends with benefits is just a way for you to not lose him. You lost him I’m afraid, and regardless, you deserve better, and like Marina said, you can do better.

sndfreQ's avatar

The issue is one of self-respect and esteem; somehow you have convinced yourself that he’s the “one” just because he was your “first?” How do you know if he is the one if you won’t give yourself the chance to find out what’s out there? Take heed of the advice the others have given you, and remember that this energy that you attract is a reflection of how you view yourself; if you stand up tall and realize you’re not a doormat, then others won’t see you that way.

If you have no self-respect, others will continue to walk into your life and trample you…sorry for the corny euphemisms, but it’s the simplest way I can break it down.

I hope you will see that this behavior is something you need to work on for your self; his behavior is not your concern (nor can you “change” him), except it becomes your problem when you allow his energy (and presence) to enter your life and personal well-being.

Don’t let his low standards and regard for you determine your happiness and self-worth.

Lastly, if your best friend was in a similar circumstance, what advice would you give to her being an outsider looking in? If your instincts are telling you to move on, then you know what needs to be done.

charliecompany34's avatar

let it go and move to another state. it’s the “new beginning” factor. if i could go back 20/30 years, i would have/should have done it that way. when you have the chance to move on, move on with the pedal all the way to the floor and leave the past in the dust.

scamp's avatar

sndfreQ gives excellent advice here. Don’t let this creep take advantage of you. You may think you are friends with beneifits, but it sounds like he is the only one benefitting. You will find another love. Next time, look for a guy that will treat you with the respect you deserve. Good luck to you honey.

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