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RedKnight's avatar

How to be there for a friend who's lost his mother on Mother's day?

Asked by RedKnight (493points) May 10th, 2015

I have a friend who is the same age as me(early 20’s) and he recently lost his mother. I know this may seem a little late to ask, but what is the best thing to do for him on this day. I know with social media and everything he is probably feeling bad because everyone is posting about how much they love their mothers. I don’t know whether to just leave him alone to not draw attention to it…or do something else or say something else that will take his focus away from it. I really just don’t want him to feel so bad although I know he can’t help that. My question just really boils down to how can I help him/make him feel better without drawing attention to what happened? What is the best course of action to take?

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12 Answers

Judi's avatar

Hang out. Go for a hike. Invite him to a BBQ. The worst is to ignore him, but also make sure you respect his boundaries and follow his lead.

Aethelwine's avatar

Just let him know you are thinking of him and tell him you are there if he needs anything.

marinelife's avatar

If you have any happy memories of his mother that would make him smile, tell him about them. Tell him that you are aware that this is Mother’s Day and you know that he lost his mother, and you were thinking of him and her today. The tell him the story.

filmfann's avatar

This song gets it right.
Nobody treats you like a mother when your mother is dead and gone.
Be a friend to him. Be good company.

longgone's avatar

I’m sure he’s thinking about it. How about simply asking, “How are you today?”

If he’d rather not discuss it, he can say, “Fine.” and leave it at that. It puts the ball in his court.

janbb's avatar

I would write a text and say, “Thinking of you today. Would you like to hang out or talk on the phone?”

RedKnight's avatar

Thanks everyone! Your advice really helped. I wrote a text out kind of combining a lot of the advice in a way I would say it. He hasn’t responded yet, but hopefully he will! Thank you all.

RedKnight's avatar

He responded and said he wanted to hang out later this week. I think he’s drowning himself in work and other things at home as a distraction. :/ I definitely plan to respect his space…I just wish there was more I could do! Thanks everyone for all the help!

longgone's avatar

^ You’re a good friend.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

I’ll second what @longgone said.

If you want to take it a step further, here is something to consider. Next year, just before or on Mother’s Day, reach out to him with the same offer. The hardest part after the initial of loss of a loved one is getting through the day on dates that represent that person, especially during the first year.

The reason is because life moves on rapidly. Friends don’t always think about the emotion one might be going through on an anniversary of someone deceased, be it a birthday, the date of death, or a holiday. We keep our emotions to ourselves because understand that these minor details in the lives of others do not hold any meaning. Yet they are important to us, if only for a day during that first year.

RedKnight's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer @longgone Thank you! :)
I definitely agree and I’ll definitely always reach out to him on that day!

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