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laura98's avatar

Guy problems! Help, I'm so confused?

Asked by laura98 (191points) May 13th, 2015

So I was pretty good friends with this guy for awhile. We would walk to places together and watch movies, and he even invited me to his formal. The one thing I actually really enjoyed about him was that he was very intellectual and reserved, and his cuteness made me overflow with happiness. Anyway, I recently texted him that I liked him a lot, and much more than just friends. I also told him that I respected whatever decision he would make on the matter, and that if he said no, well, it would mean just that. He never responded, and I felt devastated. I know I probably should have done it face to face, as he would of had to give me an answer.I was just so nervous to say it to his face that I slipped and gave in on just texting him. I have to see him on occasion, and I feel so bad, as I feel it is my fault for making him feel awkward and for ruining our relationship. There was just so much that I felt that I didn’t want to hold it in any longer, and I was in no way demanding when I texted him. However, the odd thing is that today he liked a bunch of my prom photos. This left me confused seeing that he hasn’t communicated with me in weeks, and I’m wondering if maybe there was a mix up and I never got his text, or vice versa. It could mean absolutely nothing, as I tend to over think situations, but I would just like to get a guy’s perspective on the matter, however, all answers are greatly appreciated.

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10 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

You are talking about proms and formals, so I am assuming you are still in high school.

As much as he might really like you, you might have really scared him! High School boys can be flabbergasted when a girl says she likes him and would want to be more than friends.

And he is liking your prom photos, so he still wants to be friends but he is probably afraid of making a big mistake or you finding out that he is dorky or something.

Next time you see him, let him know you are sorry to have put him on the spot, and that you want to be friends with him. Then ask if you can talk to him privately or go to the movies together.

A couple of questions: did you go to the formal with him? How did that go? If you didn’t, why didn’t you go?

And, did you ask him to your prom?

And really, text is convenient and easy, but to establish a real connection, you need to talk in voices.

laura98's avatar

@zenvelo I did go to his formal, and had a wonderful time. He even texted me after telling me he had a good time as well. Also, I did ask him to my prom, but he had a competition for music that day, however, before he found out he couldn’t go he said yes, and that he would be honored to go with me. Your advice is greatly appreciated, and actually very, very helpful.

kritiper's avatar

Back off, but not too far. Be cool. Don’t pressure him. Act nonchalant. Be yourself, same as before. Give him lots of time, even forever, if need be.

rojo's avatar

As a guy I can say that many times I receive a text, or e-mail or whatever and it does not cross my mind that a response is needed unless it specifically asks for one. Guys are not like girls, they don’t always feel the need to express their feelings verbally (or written, as the case may be).

Kind of like when one person says “I love you” and the other one replies “I love you too” usually with too little emotion to make the first person happy because it has just been sprung on them unexpectedly and they blurted out the first thing that came into their head that they thought would be a safe answer.

Probably you are just over-thinking this whole episode. He is still in contact with you and still wants to hang out. So I would suggest you just drop the whole thing and pretend it didn’t happen. You don’t have to apologize or anything, you didn’t do anything wrong, technically, and just have a good time together.

Bill1939's avatar

When people profess their love for each other, they often imagine marriage and family in the immediate future. However, his interest in music and the possibility that it could lead to a career would make it difficult for him to enter into more than a friendship.

wsxwh111's avatar

Sorry to be the one to say this.. But I think maybe he doesn’t know how to response, if not refuse.
It really doesn’t matter that much but are you sure he is straight? Cause the exact same thing happened to me and a girl in my class when I was in high school (I’m gay). Cause it’s kinda rare for a straight boy to make a girl think he’s elegant and reserved at the same time. I was just confused about everything and don’t know how to respond back then. It’s kinda hard for me who was suffering for couldn’t stop loving straight boys to tell another person I can’t be with her because the sexual orientation.
But either way, @kritiper made a great point. Would really appreciate it if my girl treated me like that back then. Well she never gave up expressing her feelings to me and of course it didn’t work out but now we are good friends and Im using her laptop typing right now so things work out :)

wsxwh111's avatar

Elegant and flirting, reserved and shy, either way is normal. Elegant and reserved, that seems gay..

Zaku's avatar

I think wsxwh111 may be onto something, though did she say elegant? I just see intellectual, reserved, cute, so maybe it’s just some mix of shy/confused/scared/unsure. End of high school is bad timing to start a relationship unless you’re about to be in the same place after school. Some would say it’s usually too early in any case, because you’re both going to change a lot (in the next 5 years especially).

When I was 18, I met someone who seemed absolutely awesome, and was terrified to actually have a relationship with her because I felt unready and didn’t want to end up with us both being really unhappy. I very much regretted that decision later, but it had me very scared to act on it. And my relationship experience and romantic-communication skills were low.

janbb's avatar

I lost a guy friendship by telling him I was interested in dating him. It’s hard to step back from it but you [probably needed to put it out there. Rather than looking for signs in the tea leaves (or likes on FB pages), I would ask if you can talk to him and tell him you value the friendship and would like it to continue. See where it goes from there but realize that these situations are awkward.

Apparently_Im_The_Grumpy_One's avatar

There’s really no answer we could give you that is as accurate as his. Talk to him. Keep it simple.

For Pete’s sake, his sexual orientation is in question based off very limited information here. Seems a bit drastic.

My immediate read on this was that he just isn’t attracted to you in that way. He may not know how to tell you that. But what do I know?

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