General Question

Cosmos's avatar

Who pays when a man is tricked into impregnating a woman?

Asked by Cosmos (648points) May 13th, 2015

Imagine a situation. The woman tells the man that she is taking an oral contraceptive so there’s no need for other contraceptive measures. In actual fact she has not been using any kind of contraception. They have sex. A few weeks later she informs the man that she is pregnant and demands that he take at least fiscal responsibility for the child. Is he morally obliged to do so?

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28 Answers

Kardamom's avatar

Unfortunately yes, he is. Even if she wasn’t tricking him, contraception is not always 100% effective. So any time a couple has sex, there is always the possibility of the woman becoming pregnant. That’s why people should always use more than one kind of contraceptive if they do not want to have children, but people who have sex, should also discuss the possibility of unplanned pregnancy before they have sex, with regards to what should happen if the woman becomes pregnant.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Well, legally it was fraud or swindle and he should not have to pay because it was something he was forced into. However, ethically and morally he should, that was the gamble you take when you dip your wick into something you are not knotted to in marriage. It is also a classic example of how law, morality and ethics seeped in hypocrisy. For all the whining of feminist and the pussy whipped men that support it, when it comes to equality on parenthood, which the guy is half vested in, they want to toss the book out because it doesn’t favor them 100%. However, if he wants it but she don’t, the law gives her all latitude to selfishly duck the responsibility and compensate him with nothing,

Kardamom's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Unless he was raped, he was not forced into it. He went into the situation knowing full well that the woman could become pregnant. If he didn’t know that, then he’s either very immature, or stupid.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Kardamom He went into the situation knowing full well that the woman could become pregnant. If he didn’t know that, then he’s either very immature, or stupid.
And I said as much, that is why it is one of the perils of boinking someone you are not married to. However, she has the same peril when she lays on her back and spreads her legs, the lay just hypocritically gives her an egress button where it is not equal to him, even to the point of having a legal abortion where he can renounce once and forever any legal connection to the child, even to the point the child takes the name of the mother.

If it had been a business dealing, there would have been a meeting of the minds that pregnancy was near zero in happening because she said she was on birth control, To lie and truly not have been on it would demonstrate there was no meeting of the minds so he would not be obligated to adhere to the deal.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Tricked or not, the question here is whether or not a man is morally obligated to support his child. The answer is clearly “yes”. The child itself is innocent of any subterfuge.

canidmajor's avatar

This question has a very 1950s cast to it.
Each person, in this day and age, when it comes to consensual sex, needs to be responsible for their own contraception.
Condoms are very inexpensive and widely available, but the only 100% effective method is abstinence. If he doesn’t supply his own, reliable, contraceptive method, he can Just Say No.

canidmajor's avatar

@stanleybmanly is right, and I didn’t answer the Q, sorry. Yes, he shares responsibility for the welfare of the child. That simple.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I presume he does not consider this a “blessed event”, nor she his chosen partner for life.

If she truly lied and misled him he should do everything he can to support – her choice to have an abortion or put the child up for adoption. He should state this up front and in bold letters as early as possible and start making phone calls for her to terminate their relationship.
The relationship is based upon deceit. He will never be able to trust her. End it now and prevent years of heartache and collateral damage.

Spread the word. Be very wary if the woman says she is on the pill and you don’t need protection . Yes, You do! Use a condom! It does not matter how she seduced you or what she said or did to get you to dip it. You will be the bad guy!
Use a condom!
(There! I said it!)

LuckyGuy's avatar

I am a little sensitive about this subject.
When I was in college I dated a woman more experienced than I (She was my first, by the way.) for about a year and a half. We split up amicably. I moved for employment and never saw her again. Years later, after I was married, she called me out of the blue to catch up. “I have a daughter now.” “Wow! Congratulations!” “She’s your daughter, too. She looks like you, etc.” “Umm…. really? How old is she? When is her birthday?” She told me a date that was 14 months after I had moved!!!
She was lying, trying to trick me into supporting her and her child!
This was before online calendars and GPS equipped cellphones that can verify data. Fortunately, I had proof that I was working in another city and was nowhere near her.

We always used a condom, by the way.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Hey if I put my DNA out there and a little person appears, and she can prove it’s mine with a paternity test, then I’m responsible. But I do like the she forced me into it line. I’m going to try that next time I’m doing something I really like and I get busted. Judge, she got me excited and forced me to do her.

chyna's avatar

It takes two. He enjoyed the sex too. Yes he is responsible. Even if a woman is supposedly on the pill, why would you not use a condom? The pill does not prevent sexually transmitted diseases.

marinelife's avatar

He had sex. He has to accept the consequences, despite the woman’s reprehensible actions.

zenvelo's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Legally Fraud? Swindle? No. And what does marriage have to do with it? Married women have been known to do the same thing. Why would that be any different?

There is no hypocrisy in the moral, legal, or ethical responsibility of the father.

jca's avatar

In the example given by the OP, the man is obligated to provide child support, legally, as long as the baby is proven to be his. Whether the mom lied or not is not the issue, from a legal standpoint. You can argue until the cows come home about whether it was morally right or not. It’s not right but will that hold up in court? No.

Darth_Algar's avatar

If he didn’t use a condom, no matter what she said, then he’s a fucking moron and, yes, does have an obligation to the child. He can whine about being tricked all he wants, but he knew the potential consequences of not being safe and chose to disregard safety. No matter what the other person says it’s your responsibility to make sure you are safe.

Coloma's avatar

Yep, unless he is actually hand feeding the women her birth control pill every day and checking to see if she swallows he should also be wearing a condom as no BC method is 100% fail proof. As despicable as it is for a women to trick a man into a pregnancy in hopes of snagging him in a relationship the man is still 100% responsible for his 50% of the genetic contribution. Also, as @jca mentions, regardless of how the conception unfolded if a paternity test proves the man is the father he is obligated to pay, as it should be. Why should the child suffer or the state pay to provide for a child when the other viable parent is capable of contributing to their offsprings need.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@zenvelo No. And what does marriage have to do with it? Married women have been known to do the same thing. Why would that be any different?
You ask that as if you have no clue how it is a game changer? (Here we go) It makes a different the same as if one dikes and the other tries to get the money when there is no will. If there is no marriage she is just a girl, and he is just a guy, and they are legally nothing, but two people renting each other’s body for a time of pleasure. It is harder for her to take the child and his money leave the area and go find some other guy to rent, parting on the money she got from the schlep she spread her legs for to get the cash cow child in the first place. If they are married he has more options and rights at custody and or visitation. Basic stuff, since you don’t k now that, I really would suggest you double bag it if you don’t have a wife, as you say, even if you been with her for decades, officially she is not yours and you not hers.

There is no hypocrisy in the moral, legal, or ethical responsibility of the father.
I did not say he did not have the moral and ethical responsibility to take care of the child, just the mother and she is legally sanction to be irresponsible and unethical, that you can quote me on.

@LuckyGuy Guys,
Spread the word. Be very wary if the woman says she is on the pill and you don’t need protection . Yes, You do! Use a condom!
Condoms can rupture, to be certain bypass orifice #2 and stick with orifices #1 an d 3 only; no possible way oif pregnancy.

@Coloma Yep, unless he is actually hand feeding the women her birth control pill every day and checking to see if she swallows he should also be wearing a condom as no BC method is 100% fail proof.
Which is good reasoning that if you go to dip your wick there, if her lips are moving, she has a good chance of lying through her teeth with the face of a poker player.

Zaku's avatar

Everyone pays and suffers in all cases of messed up parents, including this one.

However, the thing about child support, is that it’s the child who needs the support, and the laws try to give it to the child. The child didn’t fool anyone, and needs to be supported. Laws tend to strongly look first to the biological parents for that support.

As for the deceit thing, people conceive children accidentally even when they are trying really hard not to, with no deceit involved. Most sex has some risk of parenting, even when you think it won’t. If deceit had something to do with it, you have a more problems, but it doesn’t get you out of the risk you took.

Dutchess_III's avatar

That is exactly how my son wound up with his his oldest daughter. He ended up spending about $12,000 trying to get custody of her. He has her a little over 50% of the time.

cazzie's avatar

When did sex become completely without responsibility? It hasn’t. It isn’t. If anyone is brought up to think that way, then when the inevitable happens, they’re shocked and the grown ups are left shaking their heads at their stupidity. More often, it isn’t a ‘trick’ but an accident and she is left with a very difficult choice.

If you take your dipstick out, don’t be surprised it ends up doing what it was actually intended for unless you, yourself, take measures.

How many women get pregnant with their boyfriends, completely by accident, and end up having the child because the boyfriend tells her he’ll stand by her and always be there for her and the child, but he ends up disappearing. I’ll bet my bottom dollar THAT is what happens more often than not.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Go to court and plead your case, but you are responsible for your actions, plead entrapment your were tricked and see what the judge has to say.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@SQUEEKY2 The question is about moral responsibility, not based on law.

trailsillustrated's avatar

The man. Because he’s a dumbass.

JLeslie's avatar

Legally he is obligated, the state has a vested interest in making sure of it. Especially, if the mother is poor and looking for social services to provide for her.

Morally, he’s still obligated, but it is a grey area in my mind. She lied, but even birth control fails once in a blue moon, and so if he had sex he runs the risk. If he wants to protect himself from pregnancy he should use condoms or not have sex.

ibstubro's avatar

He should file for custody.
The mother is unfit to raise his child.

Buttonstc's avatar


BTW: Factually speaking, “double bagging” it actually increases the likelihood of condom rupture. It is no kind of safeguard at all.

You don’t have to take my word for it. Check out the facts for yourself.

The best insurance is to buy a name brand condom PLUS make sure it is fresh. Latex deteriorates with both time and heat/warmth.

Pandora's avatar

Does he have proof that she was not on Birth Control? My former sister in law got pregnant 3 times while on birth control. It is not an exact science. And all a woman has to do is forget one day and she is has the ability to get pregnant all month. Even knew a married lady who had and IUD who got pregnant. Her and and her husband had no plans on have a kid for a few years.
He wants to make sure he never shows up as someones daddy then he should sleep with random hookers who won’t come looking for him or use his hand or at the very least use a rubber. Only 100 percent way to make sure he never gets “cough”, tricked is to keep it in his pants or have intercourse with another dude or he can get fixed, if he must get laid.
Rule of thumb.

You play you pay.

As for morally. Yes. Because the kid didn’t ask to be made. And he didn’t come out of thin air. Maybe some alcohol, or drugs or stupidity or pure ignorance and lust. But not the kids sin. He should be raised and fed and have a bed to sleep in and a doctor and education and everything else that every child is entitled too. Loved especially. Surprise, tricked or unplanned. If mom is going through with having him and raising him or her, than dad should help financially and hopefully emotionally. But the least he can do is make sure the kid has food to eat and a warm and safe place to live. That is the least that he should be able to do. If he never wanted to even have the remote possibility of doing this. Then he should’ve never had sex. It’s not like food. No one needs to do it to live.

Why should the kid suffer for having idiots for parents?

cazzie's avatar

To actually answer this question properly, the one who pays is the child and it wasn’t their fault at all.

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