Social Question

TimeDimension's avatar

Why does my friend always want my attention?

Asked by TimeDimension (43points) June 22nd, 2015

This girl and I are friends. She gets super jealous when I talk to other people even though she’s popular. The reason she’s popular is because she is a really tall blonde, labeled the prettiest girl in school. I’m popular because of her, she basically told all of her friends that I’m funny. Anyways in the seating order in English I happened to be next to her. I was talking to another girl beside me. She then yelled at me and said “Shut up!” I asked “Why?” She said “Because you can talk to me instead.” I said “WHAT!!” She played dumb and said in a mocking tone “WHAT” The girl I was talking to was like ”....” Another instance is I was talking to the other girl again. She randomly interrupted the other girl in the middle of conversation and said “OMG, you’re Instagram was hacked” I said “Seriously! What did the hacker do?” She said “He commented on all of my photos asking for s*x” I was really surprised by this news considering I’m only 13. I was so mad at the moment. Then later that day after 8th period ended, these other girls got into it too. She came up to me and said “He also asked for oral s*x” I went home and went on the computer. There was NOTHING. I was so annoyed. Also she watches me every time I go to the pencil sharpener and feels free interrupting all my conversations by saying “Shut up”. The only time she doesn’t get jealous is when she sees me talking to my two best friends. Please help I don’t understand her at all. I almost forgot she always touches my hair and one time she asked me to hold her hand. I rejected,

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8 Answers

chyna's avatar

What is it that you actually like about this girl? She doesn’t sound likable. She sounds like a mean girl.

TimeDimension's avatar

(chyna) One time I ignored her and all her friends claimed I was being mean to her.

kritiper's avatar

She is very insecure under her “most popular girl” facade. And she likes you!

Kardamom's avatar

She doesn’t sound like a very good friend. She sounds like a person who is desperately insecure and looking to you to fulfill all of her needs for friendship. It also sounds like she doesn’t have very good social skills and doesn’t recognize social cues. It also appears that she has no concept of boundaries. Be kind to her, but don’t allow her to keep on doing this, or it will get worse.

You don’t have to be mean to her. Simply say to her, hopefully in a private moment, that it bugs you when she does X, Y or Z (give specific examples if you need to) and tell her to please be more respectful or you’ll have to spend less time with her. Then carry that through. If she starts doing it again, remind her of what you said.

If she can’t seem to change her behavior, to be a more normal or pleasant person, try to slowly, but discreetly, limit your time with her.

Here are some sample phrases to use if she does something that bugs you:

“Mandy, you have to stop pulling and touching my hair. It hurts when you do that, and sometimes I feel like a bug has flown into my hair and it scares me.”

“Mandy, you’ve got to stop telling people to shut up, and interrupting me when I’m talking to other people. It’s rude and no one likes it. It’s perfectly fine to have a conversation with all of us, but when you yell and interrupt, it makes me angry and not want to talk to you.”

“It really worries me that you post pictures on your (insert social media of choice) and make them publicly visible. It’s very dangerous to do that. You should never make your pictures public, especially since that guy was posting those awful sexual comments towards you. I hope you will stop doing that. Any pervert can see your pictures if you make them public. You need to be very careful about who you share pictures with. Imagine what your parents would think if they saw those pictures and those comments. You need to knock it off, girl.”

“Maggie, don’t stare at me. It makes me feel like I’m on display.”

Try to be calm and kind when you say these things to her, and don’t feel like you owe a friendship to this girl if you don’t want to. You don’t need to outright ignore her either, but just make sure you are very clear with her when asking her not to do certain things, just try to tell her in private, rather than in front of everybody.

josie's avatar

Assuming you are a guy…
You are only 13 so you may not understand this, but you will someday.
Your friend is carrying, what some people call, too much baggage.
Avoid these women at all costs.

ibstubro's avatar

Are you familiar with the storyline of My Fair Lady?

Your friend has bestowed popularity on you, and she can take it away. It annoys her that she has to remind you so frequently. Be a good little pup, and just fawn on her.~

TimeDimension's avatar

@Kardamom The thing is even when she’s having other conversations with other people, she always interrupts! By saying “Shut up!” and stuff. In my opinion she does have four good friends that she always hangs out with so her lack of friends in my opinion isn’t the problem. Its annoying though because she doesn’t like it when I talk to other people and its SO annoying. One time we had to do a play together and when I talked to someone else she looked uncomfortable. Unfortunately for her she couldn’t yell “Shut up!” this time. Anyways its impossible for me to not be with her because we have 6/8 classes with each other.

Kardamom's avatar

@TimeDimension Next time she starts saying to shut up, raise your hand (like a stop sign) and say, “Mandy, knock it off. Stop telling me to shut up. I’m trying to talk to Robin right now. I’ll talk to you in a minute.” Keep doing that, every time she does it and she’ll get the hint soon, enough.

You don’t need to avoid her. Re-read my first post and the sample phrases. Just keep repeating those things to her and she’ll stop, unless she’s mentally ill in some way, and if that’s the case, you should talk to your teacher or a counselor and let them know there is a problem.

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