To do or not to do?

If they are consenting adults, I don’t see anything wrong with it. If either is younger, there may be legal issues they should be aware of before deciding to have sex. Others may have regrets later due to religious or social guilt. It’s a personal choice.

Considering what you wrote in the thread about gays being Christian, I’d say premarital sex is not for you. It would be yet another form of rebellion that you were talking about. Fornication is fornication.

Sin if OK as long as it is heterosexual sin.

@keobooks leaving my dispositions and inclinations… What is YOUR OWN view on this??

@ayodele_komolafe: “Is anything wrong in a guy having sex with his girlfriend? As long as he isn’t cheating on her? Must they be married before having sex?”

No, there is nothing wrong with adult consensual sex.

My own views on what other people should do are directly based on the stuff they post here. You also put religion as one of the topics in this question, even though you didn’t specifically mention religion in the question. So I assume that you do want answers that take in regard your religious persuasion. Otherwise, why mention it at all?

According to the religion you seem to follow, I’d say, yes it IS wrong. It’s just as bad as “bestiality” as you called it. If you think homosexuality is such a horrible sin against God, but ignore your own fornication, then you are a big fat hypocrite.

It depends on your personal moral code. As long as both parties are clear on what is going on (there is no lying involved), there is nothing wrong with it in my book, but some people want to wait for marriage.

Let’s go with the religious aspect:

1 Corinthians 7:2
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

1 Thessalonians 4:3–5
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;

I believe it’s generally a good practice to wait for marriage. If your partner is willing and able to wait for the moment of marriage, it’s a sign of maturity that bodes well on the future relationship.

Clearly, I’m not in the majority on this belief. But it holds true.

I heard on NPR that only 40% of children are now born in wedlock in the United States. If you want to have sex but are too young for children, make sure you use reliable birth control.

This is something to be worked out with they dynamic of your relationship. After all, if the girl has any hesitation whatsoever, the boyfriend’s mind is made up. Beyond that, my best advice is to follow your gut rather than your penis.

It’s ok as long as it’s anal only, that way she can still claim to be a virgin.

Me, personally, I would hate to wait and wait and wait for marriage. That, by itself, can create problems. You get married just so you can have sex without guilt. It isn’t until after you’ve had sex, and all that is out of the way, that you start to begin to know a person.
Hell. I dragged Rick off to bed the first time he came to visit (although we’d been in contact off and on for about 3 years before that, but never dated.)

@Darth! Bad!

Let’s approach this from “is there anything wrong with a girl having sex with her boyfriend as long as she isn’t cheating on him?” The question implies that sex between the partners is off the table if one of them is busy sexing up someone else. So which is the suspected “crime”? Is it sex or cheating? Can one “cheat” without sex? If one partner is cheating on the other, the question of whether or not to “save oneself” for marriage is silly deceit. I don’t understand why it’s included in the question.

In the Family, you must wait, if you are not and just anyone, only your actions will be your judge. Only you know of you are truly in the Family (Family of Believers) or not.

What century are you living in, exactly?

In my family it’s not a big deal if you do or don’t. Either that or we’ve figured out a wildly efficient gestation method for most of the first born children.

As long as she is in agreement, then sure, why not?

Just be sure you are both emotionally mature enough to handle whatever consequences, intended or not, that may occur.

If you do, please, please, PLEASE, use birth control!

(And be of legal age for your State.)

@cazzie What century are you living in, exactly?
Apparently the same one you are in, if you can ask me that.

@Hypocrisy_Central Wow, things go right over your head don’t they?

^ I answered logically, I did not buy in to the stupidity of it.

There has always been a perfectly logical reason not to have sex outside of marriage. Sex results in babies. A single woman, having a baby, can be a serious financial hardship on her family. This logical reason turned into “sin.”

So, have sex. Don’t have a baby.

@Dutchess_III

Don’t know how widespread it is, but I’ve actually heard of some Christians doing this. I think the idea is that if they don’t have vaginal sex then the girl will still be intact and so she’ll still technically be a virgin*.

(*Of course this assumes that an intact hymen is the indicator of virginity in a woman, which, as we all know, is bullshit.)

Sex does not always result in babies… in fact, ... very seldom does it and those with a bit of knowledge can actually avoid the risk of pregnancy quite easily.

Well I’ve been having sex for over 30 some years and still no babies. And never married. Shame on me.

Well, I also didn’t ask how many girlfriends you have. That might get a little sticky.

If you have sex without birth control, you are gambling. (I don’t gamble because I don’t like to lose, but you may feel differently).

@Adirondackwannabe Shame, shame, shame, and more shame please : )

@ayodele_komolafe If you aren’t sure about whether it’s OK to have sex, I would say that right now, for you, it’s not a good idea to have sex.

You should be 100% sure that it’s OK for both you and your girlfriend. You both need to be in agreement on whether having sex without marriage is OK or right for both of you.

If you are religious, and it seems like you probably are, you need to decide whether or not you actually believe in your religion and whether you think it’s important to follow the beliefs of your religion. Or you might need to take a good long critical look at your religion and see if you really do believe, or maybe decide if you are open to looking at other possibilities for how life is, and how it can be.

I, personally, do not have religion. I don’t have a belief in a higher power. Sex has nothing to do with g(G)od or religion, to me personally. The things that I consider when making a decision about having sex with another person are: Do I care deeply about this person? Does this person care deeply about me? Are we both on the same page about what sex is all about? Do we have a shared belief about sex? Do we both have a shared belief about birth control and what we would do if the birth control failed? Are both of us mature enough to enter into a real relationship involving sex with that person? Are we both considerate towards the other person regarding their needs and desires (both sexually and personally)?

The question for me is not whether having sex with one’s boyfriend or girlfriend is right or wrong, it is whether it is a good, sound idea for both of us, and do we both want the same thing, and is it healthy and positive for both of us, and are we both mature enough to handle all that comes with an emotional and sexual relationship. I’m way past the age of consent, so that isn’t even something that I would need to consider (and I wouldn’t have sex with someone under age, or even someone too many years away from my own age, but that’s a personal preference).

If you ultimately do decide to have sex (before, during, or after marriage, or with no marriage) try to learn how to please your partner, and learn how to communicate effectively and kindly with your partner in teaching/showing them how to please you. They have books on how to learn to do that. That old adage about “doing what comes naturally” is a load of crap.

@cazzie Of course sex doesn’t always result in babies. I learned that when I was 7, and mom told me about sex and I asked that question. But I’m not 7 any more. Furthermore, if I hadn’t figured it out by the time we got ready to start on our first one, after we were married, 3 straight years of having unprotected sex, but no pregnancy, would have clued me in.

However, with today’s contraceptives and information, it should rarely result in a baby (but too often it happens anyway, for whatever reason.)

However, we haven’t always had contraceptives, and we certainly haven’t always had access to a “lot of knowledge.” Before 1957 or so, there was no birth control available. Any kind of control that was suggested, l the church viewed as a sin.

However, I’m not talking about today. I’m talking about centuries gone by, when people didn’t know much about their bodies, much less have a “lot of knowledge.” But kids would lose themselves anyway, of course, and sometimes the girl would end up pregnant. That was a very, very bad thing, especially for financially strapped families.
It was a bad thing for wealthier families who were looking to pass on family lines, too.

And that is my own personal pet theory of how women (but not men) having sex outside of marriage became a sin.

Well, men can hit and run. As the line from St Elmo’s Fire went, it’s the woman that has to carry the bullet for nine months. Not sure that’s exactly it, but it’s close.

More like the next 20 years, @Adirondackwannabe. It is SO serious to be alone with a baby, no wonder it became a sin.

Also, @cazzie, I would caution against telling a couple of horny, biologically challenged teenagers that sex “seldom results in pregnancy.” I would err on the other side, lest they be tempted to give in at some bad point during the month (if they even know about that cycle) because “Girls almost never get pregnant!”

I thought we were all adults here. I’m not talking about horny teens not using protection. I’m talking about always using protection. Because if you don’t in this day and age you risk more than babies. (Says the girl who never gets laid)

@cazzie Well, I’m still a horny teenager. That part of me never matured.

I’m pretty sure the OP isn’t an adult. He’s the one who needs the advice.

@Adirondackwannabe go clean your room.

@Dutchess_III I took the question to be more like a ‘poll’ than asking for personal advice.

If I have to go to my room I’m going to get out my Penthouse magazine and jerk off. So there.

It could be that, too, @cazzie. But still, it’s the kind of question a Kid-Searching-For-Answers might ask, including the “if he’s not cheating on her” disclaimer (which makes no sense, really.) It’s not the question a sexually experienced, mature adult would ask. That’s just my take on it.

I am searching your room when you go to school, @Adirondackwannabe.

@Dutchess_III I’ve seen other answers by this poster and they seem more grown up than some kid. That’s just my take on it. But I could be a 13 year old boy sitting in his room posting too, for all anyone knows..(well actually some of you do know…)

LOL! Well, going to look at other posts.

@Adirondackwannabe Just make sure you use a clean sock.

I think it is a very good practice. keep it up and wait for marriage.
good day