One of my boyfriend's former hookups has aggressive HPV and is undergoing a LEEP procedure. Should I be this concerned?

I’ve been seeing my significant other for about a year and we have a very strong and harmonious relationship. We’re kind to each other, have great chemistry in and out of the bedroom and are generally very compatible. We’re in love and it’s great! :)

Before he met me, he was in a relationship with the same woman for about ten years (he’s eight years my senior) and eventually they were married for about 18 months. However, their connubial bliss came to a screeching halt when she cheated on him with a colleague after he had already taken her back despite being unfaithful in the past. This was more than two years ago. Needless to say, it was an ugly divorce and a difficult time for him.

About six months into our relationship, he tells me that after his marriage ended, he went on a bit of a bender having never really been single in his adult life. This included a couple of months of dating two different strippers and one forgettable drunken hookup with a girl in his circle of friends who is openly promiscuous—let’s call her “Jenny”. (She cheats on her boyfriend all the time and I’ve seen her go home with several random guys in the year that I’ve known her.) However, I wasn’t too worried at the time because he had gotten an STD test and shown me the results. I also wasn’t worried about HPV because I had received Gardasil as a teenager and never had an abnormal pap smear.

Trying to be a progressive and mature person, I thank him for being honest with me and tell him that it’s not the end of the world. This was before he even knew me and the past is it the past. After all, we’re both adults and I wasn’t exactly a virgin when I met him either.

Fast forward to yesterday when we’re on our way to a pool party with some of his friends and Jenny is there waiting for the train with us. She doesn’t know that I know about her Jager Bomb-fueled one-night stand with my boyfriend (before he was my boyfriend), but I never bring it up and treat her as I would any other person. I don’t agree with her promiscuous lifestyle choices but whatever, I’m secure in my relationship and love my partner. Let’s all get along and have a good time, right?!

Well you could just about hear a record scratch when Jenny casually mentions to my boyfriend and I that she really shouldn’t swim because she just had a LEEP procedure done and is awaiting biopsy results after a Pap smear came back showing that she has aggressive HPV and is now awaiting biopsy results. Concerned, I asked her if she had Gardasil and she said that YES, she had and had caught HPV anyway. My boyfriend turns bright red and looks at me with a face that says “please don’t kill me” but it was all I could do not to cry and puke and then to get through a day of socialization and trying to have fun.

My boyfriend and I talked about it during and after the party, but he was quick to minimize my concerns and tell me that there’s no way I could have HPV because obviously HE would NEVER have it and blah blah blah. I had to explain to him that men are asymptomatic carriers and Jenny caught it despite also having a Gardasil shot. It’s very likely she’s had this before she slept with him and only found out when she went to her OBGYN for a pap smear, which many women only get every three years. I wouldn’t be surprised either if she lies to her OBGYN about being monogamous with her partner so she probably gets screened less often than she actually should.

I can tell my boyfreind is ashamed of himself but he’s also kind of being defensive. Yes, he slept with Jenny before he knew me BUT he also did so knowing full-well well that vagina is the softball team’s equivalent to a CitiBike share. He also insists that she “wasn’t slutty yet” when he played condomless “hide the hotdog” with her. I had to suppress laughter at this statement because when they had sex, she had (and still has) a boyfriend! She’s a known nymphomaniac. Don’t tell me she was Mary of Nazareth when you had her.

Joking aside: this really isn’t about the sex, it’s about my safety and wellbeing. I know it’s not logical to be angry at my partner for his sexual past before he knew of my existence, but the truth is, I’m very nervous that I now have what Jenny has.

Having a pap smear is the simplest solution and would help put me at ease, but I’m currently without health insurance until I find an in-house job. Worse yet, my fancy-pants Soho OGBYN would charge me over $1,000 out of pocket for a basic pap smear and even getting sub-par screening and treatment from Planned Parenthood would run me a cool $300—$500, which still hurts A LOT as a poor freelancer in my mid twenties. I literally cannot afford to have this crap in my life right now!

Should I ask my boyfriend to cough up the cash? I’m afraid of him developing a martyr complex about this and seeing it as some kind of victimization/indictment of his penis. But what am I supposed to do? How can we have a productive conversation about this? I know the past is the past, but it’s a clear and present danger to my health and, if this is not dealt with productively, potentially our relationship.