Social Question

camego's avatar

I am going on a date with a really smart guy, and I don't wanna look like an idiot!

Asked by camego (22points) August 21st, 2015

So there is this guy I am going to meet in almost 10 days, and from what I heard he’s super smart. I personally am not that smart, I have little knowledge of things different from my career. I believe in the concept of “being myself” when going on that date with him so I am not going to pretend to be someone I am not, however, I’d like to avoid the embarrassing scenario in which I look dumb compared to him.
Considering the short time I have left till the date, I’d really appreciate it if someone would suggest topics I could read about to widen my knowledge. I am sure it will help not only in my date but also it will make me learn about things I may not have considered learning about before.
Thanks in advance!

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21 Answers

jca's avatar

Be yourself. Obviously he likes you for you.

If you want to brush up on current topics, just for the sake of knowing some current stuff, read a good newspaper like the New York Times or something that is international and has a broad spectrum of topics. Just glance at the latest “Sunday edition” and see what there is to see. You’re not going to become a political pundit or history wizard in one sitting, so don’t try. Just focus more on being yourself and enjoying your date.

camego's avatar

Thank you for your response, I’ll try that. Btw, we don’t know each other yet, we got set up by our parents. Sorry I forgot to include that in the question.

jca's avatar

@camego: It will be fine. Just look your best and be yourself. Talk about your hobbies and interests.

jca's avatar

Do you live in the US? How old are you?

Please let us know how the date goes. Good luck!

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Keep things light and neutral until you get to know each other better.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

As a guy with a reputation amongst my friends for being smart, who also regularly dates different girls, here is my take.

A girl doesn’t have to know a lot. She doesn’t have to have any particular level of education, or share my academic interests. I’ve got intellectual friends I discuss those things with, just like I’ve got athletic friends I train with.

Conversationally, the most important thing a girl needs to show is that she is passionate about something. It doesn’t matter if it’s science or dancing, history or her pets. I get bored with a girl before the entrees are ordered if she can’t express enthusiasm about something. I want to see energy, and social acuity.

When you meet this guy, listen to him, and show interest in his interests. Find a way to talk about your passions also, without talking about yourself too much. You don’t have to be academic, you just need to show your passion for whatever it is that you care about.

johnpowell's avatar

Don’t sell yourself short. You might not be good at math or politics but I can guarantee that you are smart about the things that interest you.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.—Mark Twain

janbb's avatar

The advice above is good but as @jca suggests you might want to read a good paper like The New York Times for the next 10 days. The science section on Tuesday is particularly interesting. You don’t need to be able to introduce lots of current topics into the conversation but it is helpful to be aware of what is going on in the world.

As a “smart women” I am drawn to men who can put together a sentence in speaking and in writing, have opinions, are good listeners, have strong interests and are kind. (I don’t find many men to date, by the way!) You write well so you might be selling yourself short.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Don’t worry about what you don’t know or not appearing “smart enough”. And don’t waste time trying to smarten up before the big date. @jca ‘s advice is by far best.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

I too think you should be yourself. However, knowing what’s happening right now in the world can’t hurt. You want to be able to converse with him. So as @jca suggested, read the newspaper and watch the news over the coming days. Perhaps think about some of the films or books you’ve seen lately or what’s happening in the sporting arena (if that interests you! Don’t bother if you hate sports). I’m not suggesting you swot, but you do want to show you’re interested in the world around you and can hold a conversation.

Other than that, just have fun!

thorninmud's avatar

If this guy is the sort to be put off by your level of knowledge, then you might want to ask yourself whether that’s a relationship you’d want to pursue anyway. Suppose you manage to cram enough on current events to make a good impression on this date; are you going to feel like you have to keep doing homework as long as you’re seeing him, lest he discover how uninformed you are and drop you?

Or you could give him the benefit of a doubt. Maybe he’s not the sort to rate you on knowledge of current affairs. Maybe other qualities of a person matter more to him, and you may already have those. Wouldn’t that be a more promising and less stressful basis for a relationship? Let him see who you are without worrying whether or not you’re good enough.

You feel vulnerable, and you’re trying to patch this vulnerability. But you could take a more honest approach and turn the vulnerability into an opportunity. If he’s as informed as you think he is, why not express an interest in what he knows? Ask him to tell you about things. That would be an invitation for him to show you his strengths, and most guys would love that.

gorillapaws's avatar

Talk about what genuinely interests you. Let’s say you do a crash-course on current events, but you’re normally not interested in current events. Further let’s say you have a great date talking about current events and the guy thinks “Wow, she loves current events, we would be a great couple.” And then you date for a while and you either have to constantly pretend you like current events, or you stop following them and sees you for who you really are and the relationship could end.

A better scenario would be to read up on things you love so you can have an intelligent conversation about things you’re passionate about. If he’s turned off by your interests then you just saved yourself a lot of time and energy invested in a relationship that would not have worked out well in the long run. The point shouldn’t be to win this particular guy over, it should be to see if the real you is compatible with the real him. The sooner you figure this out, the better you will both be.

Best of luck. I hope you have a wonderful date with this guy.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

You don’t have to be book smart or a rocket scientist as long as you have common sense. Just be yourself. If you try to fake something you’re not it won’t come off as real, and he’ll either see through it or you won’t be relaxed enough to let the conversation flow. Relax, be yourself and just let it flow.

ibstubro's avatar

Tune into NPR whenever convenient, particularly travel-time.
You’ll learn a lot of really fascinating stuff, in common, easily understood, language.
Lots of topics for conversation.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

don’t worry about it

SmashTheState's avatar

Looking and sounding intelligent is easy. Just listen. So few people actually listen to what other people say that those few who do can be unnerving. When is the last time you spoke to someone and, when you finished speaking, there was a silent pause which meant the person hadn’t been thinking of what to say but actually listening with interest to what you were saying? Consciously force yourself to be silent and listen to what he’s saying. Don’t be afraid to allow natural pauses in conversation. I promise that if you do this, you’ll not only sound smarter, you’ll be smarter.

janbb's avatar

@SmashTheState Wonderful answer!!

Inspired_2write's avatar

Consider the following: I think that somewhere in these descriptions is a representation of you or where your talents lay.
Not all intelligent people are smart enough to know how to go about living daily with daily demands of maintaining relationships,households etc

Here’s a relatively recent reanalysis of intelligence and the forms it takes.
People may have multiple intelligences if you consider these skills.

HOWARD GARDNER’S NINE MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCES:
1. Linguistic Intelligence: the capacity to use language to express what’s on your mind and to understand other people. Any kind of writer, orator, speaker, lawyer, or other person for whom language is an important stock in trade has great linguistic intelligence.
2. Logical/Mathematical Intelligence: the capacity to understand the underlying principles of some kind of causal system, the way a scientist or a logician does; or to manipulate numbers, quantities, and operations, the way a mathematician does.
3. Musical Rhythmic Intelligence: the capacity to think in music; to be able to hear patterns, recognize them, and perhaps manipulate them. People who have strong musical intelligence don’t just remember music easily, they can’t get it out of their minds, and it’s so omnipresent.
4. Bodily/Kinesthetic Intelligence: the capacity to use your whole body or parts of your body (your hands, your fingers, your arms) to solve a problem, make something, or put on some kind of production. The most evident examples are people in athletics or the performing arts, particularly dancing or acting.
5. Spatial Intelligence: the ability to represent the spatial world internally in your mind—the way a sailor or airplane pilot navigates the large spatial world, or the way a chess player or sculptor represents a more circumscribed spatial world. Spatial intelligence can be used in the arts or in the sciences.
6. Naturalist Intelligence: the ability to discriminate among living things (plants, animals) and sensitivity to other features of the natural world (clouds, rock configurations). This ability was clearly of value in our evolutionary past as hunters, gatherers, and farmers; it continues to be central in such roles as botanist or chef.
7. Intrapersonal Intelligence: having an understanding of yourself; knowing who you are, what you can do, what you want to do, how you react to things, which things to avoid, and which things to gravitate toward. We are drawn to people who have a good understanding of themselves. They tend to know what they can and can’t do, and to know where to go if they need help.
8. Interpersonal Intelligence: the ability to understand other people. It’s an ability we all need, but is especially important for teachers, clinicians, salespersons, or politicians—anybody who deals with other people.
9. Existential Intelligence: the ability and proclivity to pose (and ponder) questions about life, death, and ultimate realities.

ibstubro's avatar

Look for “NPR” on your local radio.
It’s smart, free, and (relatively) painless. You might snore through some things, and might pick up some tid-bits while you do.

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