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Nevada83's avatar

Why am I in love with my gym coach?

Asked by Nevada83 (828points) September 16th, 2015

I don’t even know why I am in love with him or anything. What’s worse is that he’s married, so it’s totally wrong.

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13 Answers

jca's avatar

Nobody knows why except you. Other than that, you don’t give much info to go on for anybody to speculate.

kritiper's avatar

Oh, yeah, it’s totally wrong. Get it into perspective and enjoy it for what it is, quietly, personally, privately, for you and you alone, in the deepest recesses of your heart.

ibstubro's avatar

If you have gym class, and you have a coach, chances are you’re in lust with your gym coach, not love.

Change to a female coach. Exercise more, drama less, exercise more. Repeat.

Pandora's avatar

Because you are living in a fantasy. Let me give you the facts. You fall for him, and he will reject you and you will be bitter towards him.

Or he is turned on and you both start a relationship. He gets found out and divorces and depending on his age and yours he will either see the inside of a jail cell, and become some big guys honey, or he gets let go and loses his teaching licence and you have to work at macdonalds to support him and bring him burgers. He is sitting on the couch each night eating burgers and fries and looks like one now. Sex is boring and dried up. He, was able to get a job as a truck driver but most of his income goes to his ex and his kids.

Now fast forward to about 4 years later. His resentment for you has grown and he found some other young girl to fool around with. You try to make things work despite his many affairs, one which was with his ex wife. Three kids later you decide to divorce and pretty much have to support them on your own or you are living on welfare because he is financially tapped out.

And you have long forgotten the attractive gym teacher you fell for and wish you could’ve just dated a senior instead with less baggage.
Life is never like a harlequin romance novel. LOL

Oh, I forgot the drinking. So much drinking and crushed dreams.

Buttonstc's avatar

Why? Because you’re at a time of your life when your hormones are raging. And that’s perfectly normal and you need not feel bad about it.

But hormones have no connection to rationality, age appropriateness, marriage status or morality.

You will have other crushes or attractions in time, likely with guys your age and single. And you’ll end up married to one of them.

It’s a crush but it has no good future. Read what @Pandora wrote above again several times and realize that there is no realistic future for you and this man that will not end badly one way or another.

Keep your feelings to yourself. There’s nothing wrong with fantasy unless you ACT on it. Don’t do that. He has a wife and most likely children. That’s why you know it’s wrong. Do you want to break up someones marriage? No, you know you don’t. So don’t try.

There are plenty of single guys out there. One of them is right for you. Sooner or later youll find him This man is not for you. He’s already taken.

Your mind needs to be in control now, not your hormones. Your hormones don’t have decision making powers. Your mind and common sense does. Listen to that.

Coloma's avatar

Adolescent crushes on teachers are normal and this too shall pass and become a memory but….that’s all. Listen to us wise older women @Pandora paints a good picture and not a pretty one.

msh's avatar

Feeling like you do is difficult. You are allowed to have feelings. I think the difference is that you are aware that this person is married. And older. They may be someone who, at this point in your life, seems to have the perfect looks, or is ( because this is gym ) really good in a sport or area that you enjoy, you love being in their class! Maybe even because they are a really nice person to everyone. Listens to you. This teacher is probably a fun teacher also!
But.
The teacher stops being this person you enjoy being around, when they leave the building to go home. They have a life, and a family, maybe even little kids. The person goes into their own life and it’s hard to see through these strong feelings you have, that sometimes, you make up a “what if” life. It’s something you would love to see -yourself inside of the “what if” dream with them. But in reality, it just won’t work.
Do you ever go to the movies? That is kind of what happens in your mind when you see a great movie. Or lose yourself in a great book. You feel a part of it. You think about it. You think about one of the characters- or the actor who plays the character you like. You know people with crushes on an actor, athletes, musicians, etc.
But the movie-it ends, the lights go up, you get up and leave the theater and go back into reality. Your life. That’s kinda what happens with these romantic feelings you’re having.
Now, having feelings about someone whom you know, and understand that it just cannot be, doesn’t make your feelings stop, it just makes you feel more miserable. Just great- now you feel worse!
People have different feelings and reactions all of their lives. You can be an ‘adult’ and still have a crush, or have strong feelings for someone you may work with, or know from someplace out. Wow. You have a family or are set up in your life as an adult, but there is a difference. The difference between really having feelings for someone- and then deciding on whether to act on them or not. It’s usually…. not.
I think you’ve got a better sense of what is right and what would not be good or positive for you. Do you know that there are some adults that don’t have the sense that you already practice? Seriously. Older sometimes doesn’t mean wiser!
But you’ve got the jump on right or wrong. Good for you!
So you have this teacher. You like their class, you LIKE them! Just chill. You can think or feel like you could see you two together, but not act upon it.
It will get better. I promise. At some point this year, you may see this person be mean to someone, or pick their nose! And then, all of a sudden- you don’t know why you liked them in the first place at all! Euw. Boogers!
Then someone else will catch your attention and they seem nice. And there your heart goes again!
It’s what happens as you get older and change. Things begin to feel a lot better. It gets easier to have all the bombarding thoughts. But some of them- your brain might just say ” Uhm, no. Thank you. I’ve been down this road before! I’ll pass!”
You’re doing fine.
It’ll get better.
A word of caution! Do not get all ‘gooey’ towards this teacher when you talk to them! Classmates are around you. They will give you grief. Yep. A lot. Trust me. ( life lesson # 23 )
Also, don’t make the teacher feel uncomfortable around you. Remember: they are doing their job. They have another life set up outside. Just like you do…..
Hang in there.
You are smarter than a lot of other people.
Your common sense is worth trusting!
It’ll all be ok. You’re ok.
Take care.

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SmashTheState's avatar

You are not in love with him. Romantic love is a myth. It does not exist. It was invented by horny medieval European monks who would sneak into the scriptorium at night to pen the medieval equivalent of Harlequen Romances. Bear in mind that these monks had never actually had sex and probably had never so much as seen a naked woman. Stories of courtly love became trendy the same way sparkly vampires have today, and had just as much basis in reality.

Prior to the invention of romantic love, people formed unions for all kinds of reasons, ranging from practical arrangements for the sake of prosperity and stability to making hardy and healthy children to sexual infatuation. None of those reasons were romantic love. You will not even find mention of romantic love in any book or story written prior to the Middle Ages.

What you feel for your gym coach is not romantic love. What you feel is a combination of panty-moistening sexual attraction combined with the forbidden fruit of repressed Electra complex daddy issues.

Cosmos's avatar

Taking a guess I’d say he probably reminds you of your father in some way. If not then some other authority figure that you had a high regard for at some time.
When you’re young and impressionable it’s easy to fall for someone older and more experienced.

BlackSwanEffect's avatar

@SmashTheState The fact that you have never experienced romantic love doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. It is very rare, and it is denied to most of us. But in those rare cases, it is very real. Or do you have another explanation for why the Taj Mahal was built?

chinchin31's avatar

It is just a crush.. It will happen a million times in your life. Just don’t act on it. You never stop being attracted people. You never stop meeting people that you would marry or be in a relationship with if say you were not married / in a relationship.

You have to look at it logically and realise you can’t have a relationship with everyone you find attractive.

That is why affairs is a fact of life. Some people act on it because they think it means something. It really doesn’t . It is just nature to be attracted to people.

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