General Question

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

Is monogomy really that big of a deal?

Asked by aneedleinthehayy (1198points) July 21st, 2008

in your own individual opinion…is it really that neccesary for a relationship? is it so important?

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19 Answers

whatthefluther's avatar

The best sex requires total intimacy which is founded on trust, not wondering who your partner slept with and whether they’ll be sharing STDs or worse.

tinyfaery's avatar

Depends on the relationship. I saw a documentary in college that detailed the life of this couple who had an open marriage. Despite some bumps along the way, they were still together in their 70s, and still very much in love with each other.

Personally, I could see myself forgiving an indiscretion, if I was sure that I was still the person that she wanted to be with. I could even see myself giving her permission to be with someone else; what if George Clooney came along and offered me $1 mil to sleep with my wife? I know it was Paul Newman, but this sounds better, and then I might want to get in on it. :)

PupnTaco's avatar

It is to me. Like WTF said, it’s about trust. It’s also important to know that my partner will be there for me always, and I for her.

baseballnut's avatar

Actually it was Robert Redford who offered Woody Harrelson $1million in forgiveness of his gambling debts to sleep with Demi Moore! Robert Redford was a total stud in Butch Cassidy MANY years ago but I’d be more likely to tumble for George Clooney these days

baseballnut's avatar

Actually maybe the gambling debt thing had to do with Nicholas Cage, James Caan and Sarah Jessica Parker~

Trance24's avatar

Well it depends on weather you are exclusive or just dating. I have been with my SO for two years now I consider us exclusive. So yea it is very important. When you are with someone you are with someone. You can’t have it all.

Unless you are swingers…

sccrowell's avatar

Great Answer WTF!!! Smart one too…

anonyjelly16's avatar

Yes. I think so—there is something sweet and old-fashioned about it and that’s what I want for myself.

noraasnave's avatar

Monogamy if respected and entered into whole heartedly can be a very secure relationship.

Secure from STD s of course, but also secure because you are placing your heart in the hands of only one other person. They are entrusting their heart only to you.

Security is a really big deal in society today. People pay to have their house secure, their children secure, their money secure, the email conversations secure, and their phone conversations secure.

I guess one could reason that security could lead to boredom. I suppose that can be directly related to home security. It might be boring to be safe every night, but would you like the adventure of having a rapist or serial killer enter your home after dark when you are sleeping peacefully?

Monogamy is also simple. I like simple, my job is complicated enough dealing with the dynamics of Marines from all walks of life and all backgrounds. You don’t have to juggle favorite aspects of different people, you just have to concentrate on one person’s needs and you can be the master of what works with them, instead of being the jack of all trades sexually for different partners.

You don’t have to worry about what nights are group sex nights and what nights you are with mate #1 and were you supposed to make love to mate #3 tonight, but she canceled because of a headache and your other mates are with their other lovers on that night. I don’t need all that complexity!

I say monogamy is simple, but I should have said simpler, because it is as complex and spontaneous as you want to make it. the more baggage and more issues that are brought into it the more complex and interesting it becomes, and also the more potential for growth. The more a relationship overcomes to closer the ones in the relationship become.

aaronou's avatar

I’d venture to say monogamy is more a creation of our natural inclinations than a system set forth by religion. It’s an interesting question to raise in a post-modern, Neo-Darwinian world where moral relativity and survival of the fittest seems to dominate, at least for many, the current worldview. Along those lines, monogamy is meaningless as it only holds us down. However, if you throw a bit of that off and are one who believes in this mystery we call love, then you may find monogamy a virtue of love, as it seems to be able to create a bond that this life knows of nothing more powerful. Sure, we could go gung ho and let the world turn to orgies, but I think deep down inside us, we’d feel a void, of true love missing. There is love between two friends, between a father and a son, between a mother and a daughter, but the love between a man and a woman is truly something distinct, something that deals with the erotic and more intimate nature of love. For me, I would hate to see that bond of love broken, in fact, it seems that it is necessarily broken when a third wheel enters the scene. You may still love one another, in common ways that we all love one another, maybe even in a bit more intimate ways may you share that love, but the strongest of all bonds of love is naturally broken the moment it is no longer just the two.

MacBean's avatar

In my own relationships, sexual monogamy isn’t a big deal. I don’t think sex is important—it can be bought and sold and still be just as good or even better than what you get from people who give it with emotions attached—and I don’t personally care for it. I’m happy to give but let me do my thing and don’t expect me to be enthusiastic if you want to return the favor; I don’t want the favor returned. To me, the important part of a relationship is the part that isn’t physical at all. My partners can do what they like with anyone they choose as long as they’re safe about it and their emotional loyalty lies with me.

And, yes, since this is NOT how most people think, it makes relationships difficult. That’s why I tend to just… not even bother.

AstroChuck's avatar

I would never be in any relationship that isn’t exclusive. I can’t envision a senario where I would risk what I have and be untrue, even if I knew that I would never be found out. I also would feel uncomfortable if I was with someone who would allow me to sleep around.
Now that’s just me. Cheating is one thing, but I don’t find anything ethically wrong with having more than one physical relationship as long as it’s mutually agreed upon. It’s just not an option with me.
Sorry, ladies.

tinyfaery's avatar

“love between a man and a woman is truly something distinct”? This comment assumes that those involved in same-sex relationships don’t/can’t share a unique, special love!? Hmmm!

aaronou's avatar

@tinyfaery – Good point, though honestly, I wasn’t attempting to insinuate anything about that. I suppose I was merely addressing the issue of monogamy, and certainly for me what came to mind was the love between a man and a woman, though I had no intent of bringing up a debate of sexuality.

tinyfaery's avatar

@aa Ok. Good to know. :)

ninjaxmarc's avatar

Very important.

Trust is there for a reason.

Open relationships can work if both parties know how to come home and no emotional attachment to outside parties.

This is hard but possible with some.

Emilyy's avatar

It’s a personal choice, I think. I have a friend who recently “went official” with a guy she’s been dating for over a year, so now they’re using the boyfriend/girlfriend title. I asked her, “Didn’t you tell me once that you could never be monogamous?” She responded that they aren’t. Despite calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend and being very much in love (I suspect), it is working just fine for them right now to have an open relationship. Last week she slept with someone else and told her boyfriend all about it. To me, it’s weird. I’d prefer to share myself with just one person. But they seem really happy and good for each other, at least for now. Maybe at some point in the future the sh*t will hit the fan, but who knows.

But also, I tend to be a little bit of a libertarian in that I think people should be able to do what they want so long as it doesn’t infringe on others’ health and happiness. An open relationship where both parties agree and understand what’s going on seems to make more sense than trying to pretend you’re committed to one person, all the while cheating on them behind their back. Some people just can’t be or don’t want to be monogamous, so if those people can find each other in this world and make an arrangement that works for them, then I say rock the non-monogamous party!

jen157's avatar

It shows that you only care for them and that they are special to you. Also you dont have to go to the doctor with some std which is important to me and you I would think. Really though its a life choice and if you can deal with other people with your loved one then your a better person then me cause that would drive me crazy. Plus who has the time???

mamabeverley's avatar

It depends of the relationship. I have been married a long time and would be devistated if my hubby cheated. If you are in an open relationship,(for what ever reason) then that is your choice.If I were dealing with a long term illness, that was going to affect my sex drive, it would have do be discussed. The rules can always change, as long as they are discussed BEFORE hand.

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