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fluthernutter's avatar

Were your parents a good match for one another?

Asked by fluthernutter (6308points) October 3rd, 2015 from iPhone

Other than the genetic combination necessary for your existence, were your parents a good match for one another?

Why or why not?
How did their relationship with one another affect your own relationship(s)?

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17 Answers

filmfann's avatar

They married when she was16, and he was 18. Both came from alcoholic fathers. They moved away from their families, and raised their children far away from the dysfunction. They remained devoted to each other until he died at 53. She mourned him till she died at 72. They were terrific parents, which amazes me, since they didn’t have good examples.

kritiper's avatar

No, hell no, and uh-uh, too. Dad was a horny cowboy from the sticks, the new kid in town who didn’t go to any church, who had to break up with the love of his new life because her parents didn’t want them to be together. Mom, a beauty on her own and quite the Irish Catholic socialite, caught Dad on the rebound. He was wondering how he was going to get out of it even when walking his new bride out of the church! Enter 8 dysfunctional children and you have a complete set of 10 people who never should have been thrown together! Gad! What a train wreck!

Pandora's avatar

Yes. My dad was firm, but very sympathetic, loyal and a hard worker. My mom was also loyal, very firm, and although not very sympathetic she followed lifes rules firmly and neither every dared to do anything illegal or even ethically wrong. Both were very loyal to family. Even if a not so favorite family member needed something they would both agree to help. But where my dad would help no matter what and offer his last dime, my mom always made sure her kids came first and would say no if she knew it would take food out of our mouths. Neither of them believed in taking any kind of help unless it was from close family and they would both rush to repay family members. Neither of them believed in credit. If they couldn’t pay cash for something, than they didn’t get it. Neither of them believed in having beyond what was necessary.

They never argued except for one time that I can remember. If my dad was dead set on something my mom let him have his way. But he let the child rearing to her. If she said no to something, it was no. He would never go against her wishes when it came to us. They both came from poor large families and they both had their feet firmly planted on the ground.

Only my dad was very Catholic and my mom wasn’t so much but she didn’t contradict my dad when it came to raising us Catholic. She use to say that my dad believed enough for the both of them. My mom didn’t have much of a sense of humor but my dad knew how to make her laugh no matter what. He loved being silly and funny and cracked jokes till almost the very end of his life. He smoothed out her rough edges and helped her to be a little less paranoid and she made sure the world didn’t change him by being ahead of possible problems.

It took me years to figure out how they actually complimented each other very well. They both had enormous respect, trust and love for each other. They were each others best friend. When she was going nuts during menopause, he just had to smile at her and joke and she would smile and dial back the crazy. We thought he must’ve been magical.

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wsxwh111's avatar

I don’t care.
I used to get TOO MUCH involved in their relationship. And now thanks to god, my therapist and myself, I just don’t care anymore. Whether their relationship is good or bad is not my concern, and even if I try my best, there will always be something that I can’t see or wrongly comprehended. So why bother? Besides, I should focus on my relationship.
Sounds pretty weird huh? I guess my case is not for every one.

longgone's avatar

They were very well suited in terms of political stance and beliefs. Both atheists, and very caring. They did a good job teaching us that all humans are equally valuable, and they accepted our need to give every pet a proper burial, no matter how small.

They were not as well suited in temperament. My dad always wanted to live a very independent life, he often fought to escape family time. My mum was rather insecure about the relationship and needed a lot more attention and support than he was able to give.

Apparently_Im_The_Grumpy_One's avatar

I don’t think they were. My dad strikes me as the type of guy who would rather have traveled the world than raise a family. (Lucky for us, he did all manner of odd jobs to support us instead). Whereas my mom is a pensive, homebody.. content to multiply her cat collection.

JLeslie's avatar

Mostly, I would say no. They fight constantly, and always have. Part of it is cultural, but it’s too extreme, especially in the past. I would say both of them felt deprived of a partner who would have been better suited to them.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

I don’t know. My mum died when I was very young. From what I can tell from anything my dad has said about her, and other peoples’ comments, I think so. My father’s second marriage was definitely not a good match. They stuck it out though.

stanleybmanly's avatar

They were the most unlikely pair imaginable, but very funny together, and they both appreciated that. They both adored their children, and were so good to me, that I still don’t want to grow up.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Yea, total love, respect and devotion. Both rowed the boat equally even in the stormy times. I would go so far as to say one that one would put his/her life on the line for the other.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

All your answers are brilliant!

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Indeed, they were a great match. Like @filmfann‘s parents, they remained devoted to each other until their deaths. A few years after Dad died, Mom had his wedding ring cut in half and made into a set of earrings. She always wore the half with their engraved initials and wedding date in her left ear because it was closer to her heart.

I once asked her for the secret to their success. “Respect for each other” was the immediate response. And that they did. He was top-line and visionary. She was detail-oriented. They respected each other’s differences, including interests, and learned how to tap into them to make a great team.

How did their relationship impact their four children? #1 and #2 were in marriages that eventually ended in divorce after 20+ years. Both gave their all in the end to make it work. #3 is still married after 30+ years. Why is anyone’s guess, but it works for them and their two sons have landed on their feet.

As #4, it took me decades before meeting the perfect partner. At the time, I wasn’t even looking. I was all set to live a life devoted to my career and becoming the eccentric aunt doting on nieces and nephews and owning a dozen cats. Meeting him changed that plan. It just clicked like no other relationship had. It feels like we have the love and respect for each other that both of our parents had for each other. It was worth the wait.

SavoirFaire's avatar

Nope. Not only do they have completely different views about religion and money, they have directly opposing views. They have virtually identical views about how to raise a child, however, so they were admirably consistent with me after their inevitable divorce.

josie's avatar

My parents were great.
My dad was, by any standard, a super hero.
A decorated soldier, a shit kicker, and a genuinely sensitive soul.
My mom was a loving church mouse, who adored my father, and at the same time feared that he would turn me to the “dark side”.
They were both right.
And they were totally devoted to one another and to me and my sister.
They both died way too young.
The perfect, and I mean perfect, match.

geeky_mama's avatar

No. My mom was too young, naive and had no self-esteem. My father was entering med-school when they married. She felt like the ugly duckling that had somehow lucked into marrying a future doctor.
The reality was not what she expected.
He cheated, she cheated..and after a childhood where her mother had not shown her much love..her marriage to this demanding and sometimes (verbally) cruel man had to be very damaging to her.

When she finally figured out that she could have a life without him she did. She sort of “disappeared” into her job and affair for 2 or 3 years.

The fallout resulted in a mess. That time for me is a haze of depression, self-hate and self-reliance. It was a lengthy (3+ year) ugly divorce. So ugly and prolonged it even involved testifying against my parents in court.

The divorce was entirely polarizing. It was as if there was a death in the family. My father’s large extended family pretended my mother no longer existed for many decades. She re-married and wasn’t entirely happy. She disliked me because I reminded her of him. Eventually she hit me, so I moved in with my dad and his new wife.

This all taught me:

1. Maybe I never want to get married.

2. IF I get married I am never getting divorced.

3. I should never rely on a man for my financial stability. I needed to work hard and make a good salary and support myself.

4. Divorce means the other person “goes away”.

I did finally get married, and when I married he had an ex-wife. It took me YEARS (and in fact, it sometimes still confuses me) to come to grips with the point that she is so present in our lives and impacts our finances, time/schedule and more.
She calls so often. Even now – when my stepson is away in college—we still have to interact with her so frequently!
It is the polar opposite of what I expected based on my parent’s divorce. So confusing to me.

That said, I waited a long time to get married. When I did, I married for life.
We work hard at it. Divorce is a word never uttered or even inferred in our home – even in our worst fights. I’m the primary wage earner. I don’t rely on his income, I rely on my own hard work. He has taught me, over the years, what unconditional love looks like..and after all these years, I’m finally learning what a healthy, loving family looks like.

I am blessed / fortunate beyond measure to be his wife, even if I do have to deal with his icky ex.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Nope not at all,total opposites and 14 years in left him for my Dad’s best friend who in my opinion was a total jerk.
There now ya know,but as for parents there were fine.

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