General Question

talljasperman's avatar

How can I reconcile wanting friends and wanting to be left alone?

Asked by talljasperman (21827points) November 7th, 2015

I’m confused. I just answer Facebook and online messages and ask people to not knock on my door.

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5 Answers

jaytkay's avatar

Everyone needs some alone time. And online friendships are a great way to keep in touch. They aren’t competing interests.

I’m naturally introverted, with a tiny circle of friends. I’m single and don’t have kids. I don’t like people knocking on my door, either.

The best strategy for me has been taking classes and volunteering. If I commit to a weekly guitar class or a shift at the food bank, I will go. And I’m always glad I went.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Find someplace to volunteer. Get out and meet people where they are. Libraries love volunteers.

dxs's avatar

If you try feeling uncomfortable for a bit, your mood might change. What I mean is, try inviting a friend over and then even though you may want to be left alone, try spending some time with the person instead. Your lonesomeness-desiring mood might change.

janbb's avatar

Experiment with finding some friends and spending some time with them and see how it feels. Or you could just continue to think about it.

RandomName's avatar

Relationships established in the Internet tend to be much more detached and impersonal, simply because you are not directly interacting with the individual. What differentiates a conversation occurring on a social media website and one taking place in person is that you are not observing the body language and mannerisms of the person you are speaking with online. Rather, you are conveying the message you want to say through words alone, rather than with any body movements to enhance the meaning of it.

I suppose that it is easier to talk on sites such as Facebook for many people although due to the fact that is less social pressure and greater freedom of expression, without the presence of nonverbal communication to bring about any confusion or misunderstandings. I personally believe however that relationships established face-to-face tend to provide greater intimacy and trust.

While social media sites do provide a great way to keep in touch with individuals you otherwise may not always see, they are often lacking in the depth in connection that comes from physically being able to observe the other person and changes in their behavior.

If you want to improve your social life however, then I suggest that you simply try devoting some time to doing something with a friend ever so often, such as doing an activity together, but balance it out with your need for alone time to recharge every now and then. It is perfectly normal to demand your space from other people on occasion, but becomes unhealthy when you begin isolating yourself from humanity and refusing to interact with anyone at any given time. Remember too that it is neither healthy to “detach” too much from people, or to “attach” yourself excessively to them; there should always be a give and take in every relationship.

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