(NSFW) What's the furthest you've gone with a stripper?

Um,
Strip Clubs are not places guys get laid. They are places where guys get duped into giving skanks all their money or at best paying for overpriced alcohol and throwing a couple of ones in a garter. Early in my career I worked with a bunch of guys who thought they were great places to “team build” during long business trips so we went a lot. I considered it to be part of the job even though a good irish pub would have been my preference by far. I would not go to one if it were my choice. Once one of them basically tried to dry hump me once so I’d pay for a lap dance. Didn’t happen and one of the bouncers saw it and pulled her aside (it’s illegal). Once they know you are not a chump they leave you alone and you can drink your expensive shitty beer and halfway enjoy the show. Most of them are so skanky you don’t want hanging around you anyway, even at the “high class” places. They are masters at picking out the low self esteem, unattractive/desperate guys and extracting all of their cash.
If he is being pulled into it by his guy friends then it may not be much of a concern, especially if he is in his early 20’s. Common, it’s a male space and non-stripper females are not welcome. Honestly it’s about getting away from the girlfriends and wives in a group and male bond for a while. Not the best way but it does work. If he is going alone then I honestly don’t know what to think because that is not common.

I said hello to one once.

Are you sure he’s visiting a strip club? Or is it a brothel or something. I personally wouldn’t be impressed with my husband regularly visiting a strip club. And if he avoided or refused to talk to me about it, I’d be very suspicious about what activity was taking place there. If he won’t be honest and open with you, I think you have a major problem in your relationship.

I know a guy that dated/lived with a woman he met at a strip club. He moved to another state with her, away from the strip clubs and she eventually left him. She loved the life of stripping and making the kind of money she could only make by stripping.

I am sure he is serious about them being strip clubs because he mentioned lap dancing, tipping $5 bills (we live in Canada), a stage, dancing, the lap dance being the length of a song, etc. He’s also asked me how I felt about them and if I’d go to one with him. So yes, I’m sure. We haven’t had a conversation about brothels that I can remember…

Personally? A fairly decent cleavage dive. Gorgeous girl. She just kind of shoved them in my face.

My husband used to be a bouncer at a strip club. Very little goes on there. The girls who are using it to advertise “extra services” don’t generally last long. In my state it is illegal for the patrons to touch the dancers.

This guy lives in Québec. I’ve read on a bunch of websites that it’s not uncommon and is actually legal for strippers to allow you to touch them there. I got curious because he told me that you can touch the dancers depending on where you go. So I looked it up. So far, I’ve found a bunch of sites that support his claim.. =/

It all boils down to what you are comfortable with in your relationship.

I don’t care if hubby goes to a strip club. He’s not really into it, but if there’s a stag do or something, he’ll go, and worth my blessing. I’ve been to a couple on ladies nights out, and with his blessing.

Some other people would not be comfortable with that in their relationships.

Neither answer is right or wrong.

If you’re interested in seeing whether you are comfortable, take him up on his invitation to join him. Maybe you’ll have fun. Maybe you’ll have to have a talk about boundaries. But no one here can tell you where your comfort level lies.

I am just not really sure what to expect at one. So I’m kind of scared to go… :/

I’ve asked him if he considers getting a lap dance from a stripper as cheating, though, and he said no. But also that it was up to the couple to decide when they got to that point.

It’ll be dark. The drinks will be overpriced. The bartender will be the most interesting girl in the room and probably very intelligent and friendly. There will be a couple of very capable bouncers who are there for everyone’s safety. If any patrons mistreat you, seek the bouncers out.

Otherwise, there’ll be pole dancing and cocktail waitresses walking around, and some back rooms for private dances.

There’s really not much to it.

It sounds like he is trying to intrigue you or purposely worry you for some reason, maybe to boost his self esteem, making you fret and showing him that he has that power.

I should have added to the above that what I have always heard about strippers is that the males are not allowed to touch them. The strippers can rub their bodies on the men but the men must keep hands off the ladies or else they get bounced out of the club.

I know that sometimes in the guys’ minds, they get delusional that the girl loves them and they’re in a “relationship” with the girl, but the girl is flattering to all the guys, that’s how she makes her money. It’s all designed to get money out of the guy – that’s the goal, of course. Whatever gets the men to hand over the bills is the goal, and if that means the man is deluded into thinking he has any chance with this woman, then so be it. Outside the club, the ladies have their own lives and very likely that doesn’t include their customers.

<——female

I went with my husband and a few of his friends when I was 30. The guys paid for me to get two lap dances. All the other guys in the club had their eyes on me and the stripper. When we were getting ready to leave the stripper asked if she could kiss me, so we kissed. Yeah, I kissed a girl and I liked it.

I worked at a gentlemen’s club in Las Vegas for a very short time when I was 18. Men would buy crappy bottles of champagne for private rooms. The men would sometimes touch our legs or arms, maybe a brush of the breast, but that’s it. They were given hand towels to jerk off in front of us. It was nasty, so I quit

Cripes.
Just take him up on the invitation and go to a strip club with him.
Either his behavior will creep you out, or it won’t. Were I you, I’d make sure he had a couple of real drinks beforehand, and that he has plenty of small bills. You want him to feel like he’s ‘in his element’ even though you’re with him.

“This guy lives in Québec.”
If you’re having a long-distance relationship with a guy that is mysterious about his strip club habit, I would give him a pass. To quote Erma Bombeck, “The grass is alwaays greener over the septic tank.”

She was placed into my wank bank.

There is a price for everything in those back rooms, regardless of the rules/laws in place.

It’s not a long distance relationship. Well, not really anyway. I live in Ontario. He lives across the river, but works in Ontario in the same city I live and work. We see each other several times a month. We are very accessible to each other because the transit in our city has a good deal going on where they accept each other’s bus passes and we live around a 20 minute drive away from each other.

Is that all I have to do to make him feel like he’s in his element? Sounds like a small compromise if so.

What would happen if there was a couple in a short-ish distance relationship and the woman stepped out to go to bar next to a boxing club? It’s usually doing a pretty good business as a stop after an evening’s workout/match. It also is a favorite with the girlfriends of the boxing match fans next door, because the bar owner is a smart businesswoman, and offers some eye candy, etc. for those patrons.
The man is a little uncomfortable with this and the bar’s reputation. He has stopped in to see what it is like, but felt that it wasn’t something he would frequent, himself.
He won’t tell her not to go. Yet she enjoys being there. She has friends, favorite waiters, and enjoys some of the fun that is offered there. She will even go if the boyfriend skips the boxing club. When he asks after what is going on and what exactly the attraction to go out there would be, she smiles and says, “Don’t worry babe, everything is fine. Don’t you trust me? Aw, we’re just having some fun!”
He inquires about how her evening went when she calls him later one evening. She doesn’t lie, but doesn’t really answer the question. It’s just a ‘girl-thing’ is her responce. And then she changes the subject.
How long would this relationship last?
Is it a way for her to get some attention?
Is it fun to make him wonder and possibly worry about why she goes there?
A girl needs to have those type of evenings, right?
Kind of an air of mystique about her.
Again. How long would this relationship last with that same shoe was on a bigger foot- say, his?

I’ve been to a strip club. I found it to be a rather primitive venture. Satisfying base sexual needs by oogling over a stranger is just weak in my opinion. Let alone going further than that…

That said, I’m an anomaly here.

I am bothered by @ARE_you_kidding_me‘s reference to strippers as “skanks.” Is there something immoral about stripping? What is the derogatory term for the men who create the demand for those “skanks”?

I have heard that stripping can be a very lucrative income for the right women. If a woman can capitalize on the idiots who lose their minds just looking at their bodies, then go for it. They’re the fools, not she. She simply has a job to do, and probably has children to support.

To answer your question, though @AnonymousWoman, that would be a deal breaker for me. So would having a collection of porn.

@Dutchess_III I should not have to spell this out but here goes
Skank
Derogatory term for a (usually younger) female, implying trashiness or tackiness, lower-class status, poor hygiene, flakiness, and a scrawny, pockmarked sort of ugliness. May also imply promiscuity, but not necessarily. Can apply to any race, but most commonly used to describe white trash.

The derogatory term for the male is “chump”
1. a person, usually a man, so clueless about the opposite sex, that they cannot establish a romantic or sexual relationship with a member of the opposite sex, even when they have the opportunity.

@ARE_you_kidding_me So you think that all strippers are skanks? That all strippers are trashy and low class and dirty? Very judgmental of you. I don’t happen to agree, but lumping all of any group of people into one small, compact name seems prejudice to me.

@chyna in general, of course not all. Sometimes the truth can sound a little judgmental.

There are more men that frequent strip clubs than there are strippers that entertain. Chumps win.

@dammitjanetfromvegas yup, there is no shortage.

I happen to live in a city in the US that has one of the highest, if not the highest amount of strip clubs compared to anywhere else in the country. An ex of mine used to go to strip clubs with his friends all the time. It bothered me at first, but then I started going with and it no longer did at all. It was just stupid. As others have pointed out, it’s all about getting men to give up their money. That said, I later learned that my ex was rather obsessed with one of the strippers at one of the clubs. It baffled me, because I just didn’t understand the attraction. But more than anything, it wasn’t the stripper or the club that bothered me – it was my ex. If a guy (or woman) is going to be sleazy, it’ll be the case no matter where they are or what they’re doing. It’s not the place you have to worry about, it’s the person themselves.

All kinds of things can go down in clubs. You can have guys that break the rules (my state bans touching), you’ll – regardless of what anyone says – have strippers who let them break the rules for extra money in private rooms, you’ll potentially be asked to get on stage with the stripper for a lapdance to get the attention of all of the males in the room at once, you could be asked to dance on stage (I was on my best friends birthday, even though the bouncer snuck me in because I wasn’t 21 yet and everyone knew it and served me alcohol anyway), etc.

If you want to know how your boyfriend acts, go with him. Be relaxed, don’t obviously watch him like a hawk. He’ll feel comfortable that way and be far more likely to act how he normally would with just the guys. Suggest you go to their “regular spot”. You’ll see how quickly and easily the strippers recognize them and how much of a “relationship” they’ve built up. Some strippers will back off if they think you’re a girlfriend, some won’t. If they’re understanding of the fact that you might potentially feel insecure, they’ll introduce themselves. If not, they won’t give a shit and they’ll completely ignore you and literally act like you don’t exist – maybe partially because they know that your boyfriend won’t be as willing to tip with you there.

Seriously… all of the trips I took to strip clubs were different. One time, I made my ex tip a stripper because it was her first day and she was extremely (and very obviously) nervous. I was encouraging her with head nods, smiles, and hand gestures to continue dancing. Afterward, she came up to me and gave me a hug. It was kind of a cool experience, in a slightly odd way.

All of that said, your partner should definitely be willing to communicate with you. There’s a chance he feels irritated because he knows he isn’t doing anything wrong, but you have to explain and get him to understand your perspective. Point out that if he was willing to discuss things so that some of your concerns could be calmly addressed, you probably wouldn’t be so concerned. You have to foster a good sense of communication for honesty and openness in the relationship. No topic should be off limits. Calmly being able to discuss anything builds trust and happiness inside of the relationship, and it also allows the two of you to better understand each other.

Good luck. If you decide to go to a club with him, maybe think about letting us know how it goes. A lot of the users here like updates so we can see how things are going. :)

@ARE_you_kidding_me You’re a guy so it is probably very hard for you to believe that the women are just doing a job. After a couple of weeks, I’m sure that any sexual titillation for themselves, if they ever had any, has gone by the way side. They do their job, then they go back stage and laugh at all the skanky men out there who can hardly control themselves over something so stupid. Men are so ridiculously easy to manipulate, that we woman just roll our eyes.

It’s just Men Behaving Badly but you want to blame Eve. How Islamic of you.

@Dutchess_III nice try. I’m not that easy to troll.

I’m not trolling. You don’t understand women, and how they think. Most men don’t. They can’t believe that women aren’t as obsessed with sex as they are.
They’ve just been told that having “impure thoughts” is sinful, so they want to find someone to blame other than themselves, hence terms such as “slut” and “skank” have arisen.
IMO, there is nothing wrong with “impure thoughts.” Hell, reindeer have impure thoughts.

@ARE_you_kidding_me: Dutchess is correct. The men willingly give up their money because in their minds, the women want them. The reality is more like @Dutchess_III describes it.

Isn’t that exactly what I said in all of my posts here? Honestly she did not read past the word “skank” to quote myself: “They are masters at picking out the low self esteem, unattractive/desperate guys and extracting all of their cash”
Which is what their job is. They can still be skanky when doing it and most of them are.

It does help to read what you are responding to.

Blaming eve.. psst. Wtf is she even talking about except attempting to troll here. The mods may want to take a look at the i.p. address log for this one.

Um, Dutchess has been around longer than I have. She’s not trolling, she’s legitimately arguing against the public perception of legal sex workers as “skanks”.

@Seek then what is all of that “blaming eve” shit then? I never said one word that could direct fault in any way here. Many threads get turned into this men vs women nonsense and it’s usually a single jelly instigating it. trolling

“Troll” is not defined as “Someone who disagrees with you.”

What disagreement?

Coming out of left field with something that has no real basis and attacking someone in an attempt to lead the conversation down another direction is trolling

attacking someone in an attempt to lead the conversation down another direction is trolling

Isn’t that kind of what you are doing right now to Dutch?

Calling someone out for attacking you in a backhanded way is not the same thing.

Literally no one has used more derogatory terms for other humans in this post than you, @ARE_you_kidding_me.

Just stop.

What has that got to do with it?

I just looked at @Dutchess_III‘s posts above and I didn’t see her attacking anybody.

I didn’t mean this thread to start an argument. Sorry!

It’s not your fault @AnonymousWoman. You just asked a question.

@DrasticDreamer , I finally had time to read your post and yes, I will update this post if I decide to go with him!!

@Earthbound_Misfit It’s okay. I should have expected something like that. I didn’t find that anyone was intentionally being mean. Looks like it was over a disagreement about the use of a word. I don’t think anyone was trolling, though. Just disagreeing.

Good luck @AnonymousWoman. I am glad I never had to face these kinds of things.

And no. The argument that erupted was NOT your fault. It’s just Fluther.