How do I get over insane loneliness - its a major problem?

Thank you so much for sharing with us. I remember your other questions well. You would do yourself a lot of good to stay very far away from that woman. If she sends you gifts, refuse them. Send them back. Make a complete break with her.

Your loneliness is not imagined. It is real. Every human on the planet understands what it means to be lonely.

Here are a few thoughts I have:

1. Never compare what you feel inside to how you see people acting on their outsides. You have no idea what they are feeling inside themselves. It’s safe to speculate that some of the happy people you see feel sad inside. That’s a fact.

2. Find someone you trust, and tell them about all the things you’ve written here. I strongly suggest you find a person who is not emotionally attached to you. Look for a counselor of some kind. If they are a licensed clinical psychologist, that’s best. There are many other types of counselors who can help you. I strongly suggest getting a counselor, because they are not attached to keeping you happy. They can listen to you and help guide you to your own best ideas.

3. You don’t have to reveal all your hurt to them, but tell your parents or your sister about your loneliness. Ask them to help you find a counselor to talk to. I say that not knowing your family. I hope they will be open and caring, but I don’t know.

4. You are worthy of feeling well. You are worthy of getting better. Right now, you have a kind of illness. You are worthy of all the hard work it will take you to feel well. Do that hard work. Do it. Take one step at a time. Today, look up the name and phone number of a counselor or counseling center near you. That’s your task for today. If you feel strong enough, call them. Today. If you need some more strength, call them in the morning. But call them. They will probably be closed tomorrow since it’s Saturday. Leave them a message telling them how to reach you.

What you are experiencing is real. You’re not imagining it. I was there, too. I understand. I was very lonely as a gay boy in rural Oklahoma, and it made me very frightened of what I was carrying inside me. I tried to hide it for a very long time, but we cannot hide the truth. It comes out. It always comes out. I reached out for help. I spoke to counselors. Over the years, I learned to love myself, and gradually, I learned to live truthfully and happily. It was a lot of hard work for me. Today, I am very happy. I live by myself in a big city, but I am not at all lonely. I am happy.

I got here. You can, too.

But you’re going to have to reach out and get help. You have to do that hard work. No one here can do that hard work for you.

Do it.

You’re worth it.

@ConfusedFrank, what do you like to do when you’re not working? Do you like to watch films, write, paint, go for walks, are you sporty? Sitting in your basements on your own isn’t going to help you move on from this. So identify some of the things you do or used to like doing and do a Google search for groups in your area. Is there a writing group you could join? What about starting to play a sport? Is there a group that walks a few times a week? If you find ways to get out with other people and keep yourself busy, before long you’ll have so much to do, she won’t have such a hold on you. You’ll have too many other friends.

Love is what you give not what you take. Focus on giving and you will feel better. 7 Billion people would be grateful for attention.

@Hawaii_Jake But then, in some cases, a person could be going through times no? Or again, if someone just got into their first relation and has a “tunnel vision” and don’t put much effort into the relation between you and that person. Or maybe it could be a miss understanding. Maybe you’re the one going through a dark period and it is why you think everyone’s against you…What I’m trying to explain is that sometimes, you might feel lonely when you are not and therefore, you might want to think twice before cutting a relation with someone only to regret it later.

Find a support group for codependency. You will gain skills for dealing with these issues and meet people who have been through it and moved on.

Loneliness is a cage we choose to put ourselves in. Choose something else.

Just so you know how well I understand this… I live 4000 miles from my family and even farther from my adopted home. I have to live where I live because I had a child with a citizen of this country and I could leave but I would have to leave my child behind. I have no close friends here. Only acquaintances. You want to know what loneliness looks like? It has degrees and is mostly self inflicted.

@ConfusedFrank You need to create your own community of friends.

Start with your interests. Do you like hiking? soccer? basketball? Salsa dancing? There are meet-up groups in your area on a whole bunch of topics. Find simpatico people and go slowly on the relationship building. Just enjoy being with a group of people at first. Don’t latch on to one person and expect them to meet all of your needs.

Also, stop thinking about yourself. Consider volunteering. Helping other people less fortunate than you will give you a feeling of happiness and accomplishment. It is another good way to meet people.

Friendships and relationships don’t just happen. They take effort from you too.

Do you believe? If so, attend church. Church is a built-in community.

@cazzie said it best. Get your butt out of your basement (cage) and seek other interests and or women who not married and are available for a real relationship. At the very least exercise and find a hobby that brings joy to your soul and that could take your mind off this woman you have no chance of having a meaningful relationship with.

And stop accepting her gifts. She is just trying to get you back and make you miserable again.

This woman is stringing you along with her gifts, and you are allowing her to prolong things when you accept her gifts and communication.

Nip it in the bud. Refuse the gifts. Block her calls. Unfriend her from social media.

Join some groups. Codependent groups might be helpful. Go to a few different ones and see if you like them. Join a book group. Join a gym. Join some hiking group or find a group of like minded people who share your interests. Go to the movies, even if by yourself. Keep busy. Call friends who you may have blown off for this woman. Tell them that you want to get together. Stay busy. Time will pass and before you know it, you’ll think about her less and less. Soon she’ll be a distant memory.

Ditch the woman,if you feel lonely in a relation,you don’t get enough attention !