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To what extent do you appreciate or expect men to do things like give up their seat to a woman, lift heavy items for a woman, let a woman off an elevator first (when practical), or hold doors for women?

Asked by jca (35997points) December 18th, 2015

I’d like both men and women to answer, just wasn’t sure what would be the best way to ask.

Ladies, to what extent do you expect and/or appreciate men to do things like give up their seat on a train for you, or hold the door for you, or let you off the elevator first (when practical, in other words, when the elevator is not packed with people where the man has to step out first to let people off). In the workplace, if there was a heavy box to be lifted, would you expect or appreciate the man to lift it, or would it not bother you if he stood there and let you lift it? On a plane, if you had to put heavy luggage in the overhead, would you appreciate it if a man did it for you? Or would you be insulted?

Men, please reverse this and answer. To what extent would you feel an obligation to get up and offer your seat to a woman on a train or other public transportation? If there was something heavy to be lifted, would you offer to lift it, or do you feel the genders are equal enough that you feel no obligation at all?

This question came to me from another thread, where a Jelly was asking about someone who yelled at her to give up her seat to an elderly man. We, on that thread, started discussing what might be the expectation or obligation to give up a seat to an elderly person or a man. Another Jelly, who I agreed with, said if there were men on the train, she would think that the men should and would feel obliged to get up in place of the young girl Jelly, and offer their seat instead.

I know at work, I work with a bunch of men and in a public building where there are both genders in the lobbies and on the elevators. Men will let me off the elevator first, except when it’s crowded and they have to step off because it’s not practical. Men will hold the door for me, usually, although I will open it for them, too. In the office, when there are boxes of heavy stuff that comes in the mail, and it has to be put in the supply room, the men will lift it. When a heavy water bottle has to be put on the water cooler, the men do it. I wouldn’t expect to be asked to do it while the men stand there. A Jelly on the other thread mentioned how on a plane, when she has to put her luggage in the overhead, a man is more capable because he’s probably going to be stronger, taller and have longer arms. I’m pretty tall, for a woman (five foot nine), and I’m no weakling, but a short man will most likely be stronger than I am.

Ladies and Gents, to what extent does chivalry and etiquette guide you when it comes to traditional male roles of lifting, giving up seats or the expectation of such, opening doors, etc.?

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