General Question

MultiplesContradictions's avatar

How can I live with being ugly?

Asked by MultiplesContradictions (82points) December 18th, 2015 from iPhone

This society is becoming more and more fixed on appearance. (Being a part of society, I am included)

How is it that women and men feel no compassion towards the one who is less appealing. They are ready to jump on the beautiful one, look at them with sparkle in their eyes and say anything to get them to like them while on the other hand they spit at the ugly one (dont care about being rude or even nice) and can even happen to throw shade to try to make the beautiful one smile.

How is it that people are so shaky and their attitude change based on the value they put on things and people.

How can I stay calm or not being phased when people compare me to other girls (very beautiful) standing around me? I see in the mirror what people see when they look at me. I have accepted it but why did God even created such thing. Or Why didn’t he place me around people that looks more like me instead of in a circle of incredibly beautiful women. How does this life works. What have I done.

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41 Answers

Mimishu1995's avatar

Beauty is something very objective. You can never know who will think you are beautiful and who won’t. Are you sure the girls who take the praise aren’t so beautiful to someone else? You can’t please everybody when it comes to beauty. So just accept your appearance and stop envying other girls, you never know you actually look good to anyone.

And while you’re complaining, why not spend your time making yourself beautiful instead? Search the web, ask around for a way to hide the “ugliness” and emphasize the “beauty” in your appearance. At least you can make yourself less ugly.

chinchin31's avatar

Maybe you are hanging out with the wrong people.

Different people find different things attractive.

Start hanging out with the right people.

Yes there are shallow people in the world. Just avoid them.

I have seen many people that I don’t personally think are attractive with people I find attractive etc.

Beauty is very subjective.

E.g in many asian countries a flat nose is considered beautiful because that is what most people there have, whereas in a european country it would be considered ugly.

You have to find your own niche in life.

Maybe you are aspiring to be with the shallow crowd.

Be pleasant and charming and you will attract people like yourself.

I mean look at who Beyonce is married to.

She is one of the most beautiful women in the world and she did not marry someone that is conventionally handsome at all.

Looks mean sh**, confidence is everything LOL

Just be confident.

Mariah's avatar

Look at the art of Frieda Kahlo.

JeSuisRickSpringfield's avatar

The first thing to realize is that there is a difference between being ugly and just not being what contemporary society says is the most beautiful. Beauty standards change all the time, and yet human diversity has never gone away. Why is that? Because no matter what the beauty authorities tell us to be attracted to, some people are going to be attracted to taller people and some will be attracted to shorter people, some will be attracted to older people and some will be attracted to younger people, some will be attracted to larger people and some will be attracted to smaller people.

In the Renaissance, all the painters and sculptors were telling us that big is beautiful. These days, magazines tell us that thin is in. Sometimes we’re told that freckles are cute. Other times, we’re told that they might as well be a skin disease. The same goes for a mole on the cheek (which is called a beauty mark when it’s popular and a blemish when it’s not). It all depends on who in the culture has the biggest megaphone. And no matter who has it, they are all liars trying to convince us that their personal preferences are the one true standard for human beauty.

But you might ask why you should care about all that if it doesn’t change the fact that you don’t have the aesthetic features that society prizes. It’s a good question, but it just goes back to what I said about the people with the megaphone: they are liars. There is no one set of aesthetic features that society desires. You just have to find the people who value what you’ve got. It’s like in high school when kids complain about the “popular people.” Well, they’re not very popular with the ones complaining about them, are they? The geeks don’t hang out with each other because they can’t hang out with the cool kids. They hang out with each other because according to their values, geeks are the cool kids. It’s no different with looks. In the end, it’s just a matter of finding who your cool kids are and ignoring the shitty ones.

gorillapaws's avatar

I know it’s a marketing stunt to sell soap, but I think there is a lot of truth behind this experiment.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

I have accepted it but why did God even created such thing. Or Why didn’t he place me around people that looks more like me instead of in a circle of incredibly beautiful women.
I don’t know what you look like or why you believe you are not in the league of the other women because the people you are around says so. God created you for His good pleasure (to have fellowship with you). You still have free will, you can choose to hang around whom you please. If you feel you are (for instance) a 4 and are around people who are am 8, thus making you look like a 2, hang around others you feel or a 4 or less; or figure you are an 8–10 and those other people are just wrong, not knowing junk from treasure.

CWOTUS's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

I’m sure that you’re sick to death of hearing it, but beauty really does reside “inside” more than outside, and it comes out over time.

You’re young, right? Let me give you an old man’s perspective.

A few years ago I attended my 40th Reunion of my high school graduating class. I hadn’t been to one of those since year 5, I think. (Circumstances and relocations – and a general lack of interest in a lot of those people, frankly – had kept me from attending any of the interim 5-year reunions.) So I was seeing a lot of people that I hadn’t seen in 35 years or more.

Let me tell you what an eye-opening experience that was. Some of the class beauties – who had still been pretty good-looking after 5 years – were nearly unrecognizable. And some of the girls who I hadn’t even given a second glance at during high school were incredible beauties. And I’m talking about 60+-year-old women. They were stunners. That is, in a physical appearance way, they were gorgeous.

I recognized one thing that night. It might not be a universal trait, but it seems to have borne out in that group, anyway. Those women who looked so gorgeous at 60+ had all been “nice girls” in my youth. They weren’t always the brainiest, and obviously at that age they weren’t “the most beautiful” (according to my judgment from 40 years earlier), but I did recall them as having had the sweetest dispositions at that time. They were always friendly – and they still were! – they were always willing to listen and help out (they had always been the volunteers in the class for “whatever”), and they always seemed to be calm, relaxed and easy-going back in the day. And here they were: beautiful and still ‘nice’ and friendly. I had a nice time that evening (and some regrets afterward about how stupid I had been in my youth).

So my advice would be to live well, be the best person you can be – in however you can do that – and be beautiful later in life. It will last longer that way, too.

Buttonstc's avatar

“How do you define yourself” is the title of a TED talk given by Lizzie Velasquez. You really ought to watch it. It has given inspiration to many and has been viewed millions of times.

It’s not long (all TED talks are limited to less than 18 minutes).
I seriously doubt that your situation is worse than Lizzie who endured years of bullying and being called “the world’s ugliest woman” and worse.

(You can look up her backstory on Wikipedia for further details about her.)

She is truly an inspiring person for EVERYONE to listen to regardless of what they look like.

Go listen to her Ted talk and let me know what you think.

(you can also find her on YouTube where she has her own channel.)

MikeA's avatar

Well, this is my observation:

People generally aren’t as ugly as they think they are. We are always harder on ourselves than we need to be, for some reason. This is especially true when we compare ourselves to others who we deem to be beautiful. There will always be someone with better skin, with better hair, with a better body….the key is to be grateful for what you have and who you are.

There are physical things about me that I’ve always despised. Now that I’m older, I’m actually thankful for some of those things. Being beautiful in the eyes of the world is not a guaranteed ticket to happiness.

Look in the mirror and be thankful for a body that works like it should—even if you’ll never be on the cover of Vogue.

rojo's avatar

I have used this in many situations and I think it will work here too.

Robert Earl Keen Phuckit

MultiplesContradictions's avatar

I totally understand what you all are saying it is true and inside beauty is really enough.

But somehow I just don’t understand why most of my focus is on my outer appearance and the inside beauty just slips my mind.

I have prayed for strength and ask God for it and to remove the pain I’ve been feeling but I don’t see changes. It doesn’t get through.

Why aren’t people just happy and satisfied with life. Why isn’t it just easy to be.

I want to be strong enough to be around those ‘very attractive women’ that happens to be around me and to stay at peace even though I get call names or not even noticed. I want it to not bother me but it does. I love my friends very much but I hate the fact I happen to feel some type of way regarding the fact that God made them perfect while I look like this. I just want to enjoy our friendship because i genuinely love these girls and we are very close. But I feel hypocrite at the same time. It weights heavy on me. I don’t feel like hanging with ‘less attractive’ people is a solution. I actually find beauty in all life and never judge people on their appearance. I get along with everyone and anyone almost.

The definition of Beauty does change but society is a bunch of copycatters where most don’t think or have an opinion for themselves. They follow trends, the crowd. Which end up making the definition of beauty 2 or 3 main definition. Even the people labeled as ‘ugly’ end up wanting the most beautiful good looking person by their side. Shallow.

Maybe the fact that i dont fit in makes me sad cause deep down I would of loved to be ‘in’. I see the way my friends are looked at, they have to make none or little effort to get things done. And they never have nothing to do or even say a word theres always a dog ready to hop on their lap.

On the other hand I work hard for everything and I am mostly the rock to the group, but the streets dismisses me. I cant really think of a recent example but here one i just invented to try to make you understand. Example: bob is looking for a doctor to check a cut he just got on his arm. He passing by my group of friend and I. He stop to stare and try to talk to the girls and we notice his cut. Its in pretty bad shape yet Bob is focused on Sarah my beautiful friend. We advise him that I am a doctor yet he looked and dismisses and ask for Sarah’s advice on it!

@CWOTUS beautiful story I am 23 years old. All the bullies or beautiful girls from high school most are already expired. Maybe its the attitude or essence that made that :/ !! And the other girls just bloomed, beautiful!

Thank you everyone, sharing your piece of mind it very appreciated. Feel free :)

@Buttonstc thank you I just watched it! She is inspiring, very funny and strond woman.
@MikeA thank you friend. What makes me sad too is that i know there are most important things happening in life. I also know know that some have it really bad. But I wonder why its not enough to keep me satisfied with what I have. I try to be but I don’t feel it. People’s pain shouldn’t be compared but still…

MultiplesContradictions's avatar

@gorillapaws It says it doesnt exist anymore :(

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@MultiplesContradictions You sound like a really decent human being and unfortunately, we live in a world where a lot of really crappy things happen because of really crappy people. I don’t know where in the world you do live, but certain beauty ideals, no matter where you’re from, are impossible for anyone to live up to. You, by trying to be authentic, are already doing everything right. As a woman anywhere, it’s hard to grow up in a world where we’re literally bombarded with ways to be more beautiful pretty much from the time we’re babies all the way to our deathbed. So, even though you wish you could ignore it completely, it’s almost impossible for anyone to be able to do that when it’s all we’ve ever experienced.

It’s going to take people a long time to become less superficial and it may not ever happen on a societal scale. But you’re a stepping stone to that level of enlightenment. Because really, when everything else is said and done, we’re all just meatsacks who will die in the end. That’s precisely why the only beauty that matters is on the inside. Life is just too damn short to focus on the things that don’t matter. Eventually, you’ll meet other people who feel the exact same way – even if they are few and far between, but that will make your relationship with them that much more valuable, because true authenticity is not easy to find.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@Buttonstc I wanted to watch that, but I couldn’t find it it on there. :-/

Buttonstc's avatar

Try YouTube. She has her own channel.

I don’t have copy/paste on this phone so I couldn’t do the exact link.

The other thing you can do is just put “world’s ugliest woman” into Google and a video link to her Ted talk will be in the first few reaults on the first page.

I had seen her on a recent episode of The Doctors but couldn’t remember her name specifically. So I just Googled the “ugliest woman” comment and there was a lot of info.

She’s a pretty incredible person with a unique spirit.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Please watch this 3 minute video Not liking one’s looks . It was a recent Staff Pick on Vimeo.

Buttonstc's avatar


“The only way that I could show those people that they weren’t going to become my definition and my truth was to somehow make myself better”

Lizzie Velasquez
You do not have to allow other’s opinions of you or reactions to you to become your truth. You just need to focus on becoming the best version of you and let the chips fall where they may.

People who recognize and value the inner qualities of a person will be drawn to the quality which they find in you.

Will this likely be the majority of people you encounter? Of course not. They’re busy focusing on superficial attributes like looks. But they’re a dime a dozen.

Do you want quality relationships or just quantity. Quality relationships based upon inner attributes will last a lifetime.

The large quantity of those based on suoerficial looks will fall away when the perfect looks are gone. It happens all the time.

You can’t change superficial people. Focus your energy on finding quality people and focus upon building quality within yourself.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Do a Google search for the Eye of the Beholder Twilight Zone and watch the show.

gorillapaws's avatar

@MultiplesContradictions I’m not sure why it’s not working for you. You could try searching with the keywords “Dove real beauty sketches.”

Can anyone else confirm that the link I posted is/isn’t working?

msh's avatar

Everyone has a role that they, themselves, feel that they are destined to play for different periods of times in their lives. You have said that you are The Rock of the group. That is a pretty good place to be. Yet, you want more. Let me give you, if you would, some ideas that may help.
– You are looking at people through eyes that may not be seeing everything that you should. You may be coloring your own view. That can be serious enough to cause you all sorts of problems. Real or imagined.
23— eh? Perfect.
First, please go and find a psychologist or counselor to talk to. Not just once. But long enough to get a different perspective on what is- and what you see. There is something totally blocking you from being able to step back and assessing what is really going on around you. This counselor may just say one thing that suddenly makes you see some things that you haven’t before, and it will click. You need someone to be honest with, because you said that you aren’t being truthfully honest nor open with your friends. Funny, but I would believe that they would say some things that would stun you about yourself. Really positive things! They would be much kinder to you than you are allowing yourself to be! That is why you need to go talk to someone who is unbiased, or impartial. There is something untapped in your self esteem that is stopping you in believing in yourself. You are all the constant you have, physically and mentally. If you are not taking care of you- who will? There are a number of individuals out in the world who wait for someone who is wobbly on their self-esteem. It’s as though they have found someone who will believe the ‘you are terrible’ message that they often dish out. That is why, at some of the times that you see these guys throwing themselves at those you see as beautiful, they are really not the kind of guy you really would be interested in, are they? Or is it just the fact that they could just as easily throw themselves at you, schmuck or dreamy alike, and that would make you feel better?
Seriously, do go and talk, talk, talk to someone that can make things have some meaning for you.
Next, again, if I may, if you want to learn how some of the most regular women in the world make themselves look like a goddess- then you will have to put in the work that this kind of desire to have, requires that you do.
One, start flipping through magazines and saving your pennies. Get an idea of what you want your hair to look like. I mean- figure out your hair-type, facial shape, weather or climate variables effect on it. Then look through the favs to find someone of similar characteristics. Your friends, I would be willing to say, would adore helping you with this. No joke.
Then make an hair appointment with someone who has a great reputation. Color? Cut? Length? etc. Do Not go in with no idea and vaguely circle your finger around your head and say- “Have your way with my hair…” You may end up in the pages of ‘Don’t Ever, Ever, Do This’ rulebook. Have an idea. Pictures, etc. and talk about what is realistic for you as far as care. Can you keep up with the hair-rituals needed for a specific look? What happens if the color starts to grow out? Hair care can be as intricate or as easy as you are willing or likely to put into it. If you like to sleep in- figure that in towards your desired results.
Ready for the next?
Make-up. If you are wanting glam and gorgeous, it doesn’t just happen for 99% of people, they put in the time. Again, find the kind of look you are going after. Office/school is not date or later in the evening looks. Do you have department stores near you? Not one that has the samples everyone and their brother has tried, eaten or drooled on. I mean, make up behind the counter-type of store? There are different Houses of products which can set you up with everything you need- and take you to the bank. Some items they might have are sometimes worth every penny. To get a lay of the land, walk around amongst the counters. Look at the prices of lipstick. That should give you an immediate idea of c$st. Don’t faint, act cool at what some go for. :)
Take a friend with you. They can help with the chatter or distraction of the sales people- who’s job it is To Sell. Some will offer you a free make-over. Set up an appointment or jump in. Ask whether it is a full-faced or ½ face appt. They are going to put everything that you have ever seen in those rows and rows of counter space, on your face.
You do not need all of them. Repeat- no. No. No, thank you. Not today. etc.
The idea of getting this done a couple of times with different brands is to see what tips, secrets, brushes, styles, shortcuts, etc. that they use. They are good at creating faces. Just don’t end up having so much on that you could walk on a stage or perform as a Kabuki, OK?
Lighter is better. Write down what you like – brand wise, etc. Get the name of the Salesperson/Makeup Artist, many have cards. If you do purchase a product -After you leave and think on it, it is only right that since they worked with you, they get the commission from the sale.
Remember that some makeup you purchase at a drugstore, etc. can often do the same thing as the pricier versions, but you need to understand that you get what you are willing to pay for. Again, girlfriends Love this kind of plan of attack. Some guys do also. (They can sometimes do a much better job also! )
Get a fragrance that is about you.
Practice different hair preps with the new cut et. al.
Go shopping – with friends- and try a new look. If you layer to hide- stop it. Go buy some magazines and see what some of the newer models look like. No longer are boney- beings the end-all-be-all look! And please- No ‘The New York Runway’ fashion mag’s looks! Those models are not real. They dine on cotton balls and soda water. And belch at inappropriate times. Euw.
Have fun and play. You are your own limitation on how much you want to change.
Please understand. You should work on the inside -as to a Counselor who can make the huge difference for you – before going into drastic overkill on changes! Yikes!
And then do your studying on different types and styles and…....all that. It is work to look like a glamour-puss. But it is achievable, if that is what would lift your spirits.
You may be surprised to find out- just how beautiful you really are, that you just can’t see by yourself, where you are in your mind right now.
In your beliefs- does God make mistakes?
If not, then start working on your gifts that you already possess. Make yourself better. Feel better about you. And remember the tripping all over themselves-guys? Look past them. There are much better guys out there. Trust me.

Please go talk to a person who can help you make it so, as your first step.
Good luck and please let us know how it is going! ;)

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@gorillapaws It’s working for me.

Cruiser's avatar

God did not place you in and around these “beautiful people” you seem so threatened by….God gave you the ability to choose to be anywhere you want to be. Based on your question here it appears to me you have and are choosing unwisely. My advice based on the little information provided here would to step away from this beautiful people crowd and assimilate with people you relate to and feel more comfortable with.

MultiplesContradictions's avatar

Good morning,

I live in Canada. You are right it is not easy! I have not met anyone yet. Most people are opportunist always trying to analyze you to see what you could do for them so I stay home for now until the summer.

Do you have a suggestion on how to meet new friends!? @Buttonstc

@RedDeerGuy1 thank you i will look it up soon and get back to you!

@gorillapaws wow that was a vey beautiful video, it touched me thank you for sharing

MultiplesContradictions's avatar

@msh thank you for all your advices. You opened my eyes in dome ways. I though of talking to someone but it is expensive here so i went to a university when students would do it for cheaper but they filmed you. I quit after the second time I didn’t feel comfortable.

Maybe one day i will find someone to talk to far from my home so there could be no risks of my personal to be exposed

@Cruiser these people are my family and people I grew up with I can’t really change place. I find it pathetic to change my surroundings just because of this. I just need more strength if that is possible in my case. I want to be able to look at them without thinking : “woah I understand why that guy dissed me the other day to compliment you, you’re so beautiful ” or even “wow you’re so beautiful ” when I’ve known her since I was a baby, how am I not over how beautiful she is thats why I understand why strangers lust so much after her.

stanleybmanly's avatar

There are some flaws with the world beyond our control. The galling consequences of superficial differences among us is one of the tragic absurdities fortifying arguments for the futility of existence. But take heart, and turn to Shakespeare, the god of lessons on playing the hand you’ve been dealt. Melancholy is slow self destruction. I suggest a reading or viewing of Richard III.

stanleybmanly's avatar

The drive home and back was a mistake!

basstrom188's avatar

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Cruiser's avatar

@MultiplesContradictions I truly feel for you and your situation as from what you have shared her you seem to have a very low self esteem and to continually compare yourself to the other women you assume are much more beautiful than you is really selling yourself short. You will only experience life in a miserable way if you continue to compare yourself to other people you think or assume are better or prettier than you. I have yet to meet a person or any shape or size who did not have one or more redeeming qualities that let them shine in their own special way.

Some of the most genuine people I have met were those who you may consider yourself to be…the fat, the ugly, the handicapped as underneath these self imposed dissimilarities to the “normal” pretty people, they were truly special in their own way. And those that did not allow a comparison to others to define themselves, they truly blossomed. Let who you are define yourself and try to avoid comparing yourself to anyone…once you let go of this notion that someone is prettier, smarter, more competitive than you, then you will be able to define who you are in a positive way that others will see and acknowledge and respect all because you have chosen to define who you really are.

Also I will add that consider a situation where you were prettier that the other girls and I can assure you that you being prettier is no guarantee that you will always get the guy (or girl) What truly makes a person beautiful is not just their looks. Compassion, sense of humor, confidence, playfulness and love for life will trump exterior looks any day of the week.

Judi's avatar

I am reminded of my friend when I was 17 named Ann. She was short and chubby but always had all the guys. Back then (the ‘70’s) we would “Cruise the Gut” which was the main drag in town and try to meet cute boys. Ann was always able to attract the cutest boys around and I learned so much from her. The number one rule of cruising the gut with Ann was “Smile, they like teeth.” That sounds so superficial but if you genuinely smile it is literally attractive to others. People are drawn to you!
The second rule was, “We will have fun with or without them.” Where ever Ann was, we were going to embrace life and enjoy ourselves, no matter who was with us. Funny thing was, when we were having fun, all those cute boys wanted to join us. We didn’t NEED them to have fun, they wanted to have fun too.
These seem like silly flirtations of teenage girls but the lessons I learned from Ann have stayed with me my whole life.
Happiness does not depend on anything on the outside, it all comes from within and a decision to choose joy.
When you live your authentic joyful self people are drawn to you and regardless of the physical appearance people will want to be near you both romantically and socially.
Being anxious and focusing on my flaws would never serve me well. As far as outward appearances went, I was probably prettier than Ann but she had a light that shined so brightly from within and was so warm and genuine people wanted to be near her.
Don’t focus on the things that you have no control over. Focus on being happy and content in yourself. I know it’s hard as a young girl. but determine to find what gives you passion and pursue that. Abandon worry about how others see you and work on how YOU see you. I promise, if you are being genuine and authentic to yourself the people that matter will swarm into your life.

Judi's avatar

Oh, This video is awesome. A Stoic, at Christmas

flutherother's avatar

The beauty of others is their gift to you. They ask nothing in return.

Buttonstc's avatar

You asked for a suggestion, so here is one among others.

Wherever you are located, no matter how small, there are groups helping others who are in need of volunteers. Find one or more that catch your interest and volunteer. Or start one of your own meeting the needs of others which no one else has thought of.

It could be an animal rescue group or those offering low cost spay/neuter options. It could be those who tutor children falling behind or those who read to groups of kids at the library.

It could be Meals on Wheels delivering food to homebound Seniors. Or it could be assisting Seniors or the disabled with physical chores which give them difficulty.

There are literally endless possibilities. The main reason I suggest this is because you are far likelier to make the acquaintance of quality people in groups dedicated to UNselfishly meeting the needs of others. Givers rather than takers. Superficial people who spend their time judging others for their looks usually don’t usually give their time to others unselfishly.

You’d be surprised at how many quality people you can encounter among those who are simply and humbly giving of their time to others.

Of course this is not an absolute guarantee that you won’t encounter any shallow people. But it definitely increases your chances of finding quality people among those whose priority is to give to others. Plus, some of those to whom you are giving are also a possibility. Just because someone might be physically weak or older says nothing about their inner qualities and character. I’m sure you can find some gems there.

As someone else suggested above, if all you’re doing is being surrounded by all the beautiful (and shallow) people, it can’t help but distort your viewpoint.

Go find some people with a better set of values. Surround yourself with as many unselfish people as you can find and see what their value system is like.

I’m going to assume that you’re pretty young. Open yourself up to some who are older than you. There is a certain amount of wisdom which comes with having been around on this planet longer. See what’s left when a lot if the outer (superficial) beauty has faded. See what inner beauty looks like and use that as your example of what to cultivate within yourself.

If you spend some time volunteering, there is one thing I will guarantee, regardless of whom you meet. You will feel a lot better about yourself for having unselfishly given of your time to meet the needs of others. It comes with the territory.

And if you feel good about yourself, it makes it that much more difficult for others to tear you down for something as superficial as physical appearance. The more time you spend volunteering and being in the company of others doing the same, the more the influence of shallow people will begin to diminish. Quality is the best antidote for shallowness.

Lawn's avatar

Check out Lizzie Velasquez’ Youtube channel.

She talks about her experiences being bullied and the difficulty she had looking in the mirror and accepting herself. She is amazing.

MultiplesContradictions's avatar

@stanleybmanly thank you for these great suggestions! Btw what do you mean by “The drive home and back was a mistake!” !?

@Cruiser Beautiful words, thank you I will try to apply them.

@Judi Thank you Judi, i will also keep these ideas with me, they seem to be a lot credible.

“The beauty of others is their gift to you. They ask nothing in return.”
@flutherother please explain further, feel like it could resonate with me

@Buttonstc wow thank you. Your ideas are wonderful! I always wanted to be a part of a discussion group to talk about spirituality/ consciousness and all but I just didn’t see how or where our meeting points could be. I think this is a great project to start working on. Hopefully something good comes out of this

@Lawn yes! She is wonderful I love her spirit :)

stanleybmanly's avatar

@MultiplesContradictions “the drive home… ” was meant 4 someone else. I tought I was texting.

flutherother's avatar

@MultiplesContradictions You might like to read this interview with the beautiful Syrian poetess Maram al-Massri. It was her thoughts that were in my words.

clairedanajames's avatar

No one can help you here; esepcially if you have already made your mind that you are ugly and no one cares. Remember that outer beauty has nothing to do what brains can achieve today. Take the instance of Steven Hawkings, he doesn’t look very pretty – but he is a genuis.
So, be who you are and live your life to the fullest. Accept your shortfalls and make up for them with a happy and content life.

GLOOM's avatar

I don’t know what you look like, so I’ll be up front and just say it. You may be very unattractive.

Now: that is only a single aspect of being a human. You simply must not let that single aspect define who you are. There is so much more to life than what a person looks like.

I’ll just throw in one example: Stephen Hawking is a total quad, yet he flirts around all the time. Nothing bothers that man enough to stop him from being himself.

As I have said, you may be very unattractive. OK? I’ll give you the confirmation of that fact. Now What? Getting on with living your life to the fullest is the best advice I can give you.

AdventureElephants's avatar

You sound depressed. Maybe you are deflecting and blaming your looks for things not being ideal in your life. Plenty of ugly people have it good.

I agree you need counseling to break the habit of focusing on the physical self. The irony of you complaining about others focusing so much on it is palpable. Honestly, sweetie, at some point if you don’t learn to stop your life will pass you by and you will miss a lot by focusing on the wrong things. Please find a way to get help. Insurance pays for mental health care, too, you know.

I also agree you should volunteer. I think you should volunteer with physically and mentally disabled adults. It may give you some perspective.

Look around you with the blinders off. Most of us are average in the looks category. I assume you aren’t actually ugly, which is genuinely rare, but more average. I make an effort to hide the things I am bothered most by and accentuate the positives. A good haircut, clean and well fitting clothes, eye contact and a smile go a long way. Start there. Good luck to you. Learning to love yourself is so hard.

Wolf_girl100's avatar

You don’t have to think that looks are everything! This world puts a price on the men and women that just defines how they: look, talk, and how popular they are. They have forgotten that the real way to define a person is to look at how they act. Are they nice? Do they say bad words? If Q1 is yes and Q2 is no, then they’re always the best friends. Do not let people define you by the way you look!

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