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AdventureElephants's avatar

Do you hold grudges?

Asked by AdventureElephants (1397points) January 4th, 2016 from iPhone

Are you able to move on and really mean it or feel it? Are you truly capable of forgiveness? Or do you always harbor a seed of anger or dislike? Do you perpetuate the anger by holding a grudge? Do you become passive aggressive? Do you constantly apply what made you angry to every interaction with the person that upset you?

What is your forgiveness style, and how do you determine who is worthy of forgiveness?

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15 Answers

Blondesjon's avatar

Yes. Yes I do.

ucme's avatar


Yes you do you fucking liar

Ahh shaddup you shit stirring bastard

Ahem, only with my inner self…apparently.

jca's avatar

I may forgive and I may be able to continue with the friendship or whatever sort of relationship it is, but I won’t forget. I won’t bring it up, necessarily, but I will remember it.

AdventureElephants's avatar

@jca So is that considered a grudge? Does your friendship change?

jca's avatar

Not on the outside, @AdventureElephants, if it was a minor infraction (like they said something nasty but not too nasty). If they did something awful, it’s probably over forever.

majorrich's avatar

In some cases I hold grudges for decades. In one or two particular cases the offending party should pray never to be in a closed room with me. Others none at all. It depends on the infraction.

AdventureElephants's avatar

Interesting, @majorrich.

I don’t hold grudges. I begin to feel absolutely indifferent about the person. Sometimes I think my emotions aren’t wired correctly because of how quickly I can just walk away from a friendship, a relationship, or even a family member. I just stop caring, and it just feels empty when I think of them. I don’t feel anger, I just feel nothing.

If I wasn’t that offended then I bounce back overnight and I genuinely no longer care about the offense. I guess that’s forgiveness, I’m not sure. It’s that same feeling of nothing, but it pertains to the issue and not the person. I just don’t feel the need to revisit it, discuss it, or think anymore about it, but my friendship is still important to me and I care about them. Harping on an offense only irritates me. I’d rather just let it go and move on.

CWOTUS's avatar

I can forgive pretty readily, but it has to be a forgiveness that’s “requested”. For example, I haven’t spoken to two of my sisters since our father died over 12 years ago, when they wronged me pretty grievously – and have never owned up to the fact or even acknowledged it. (And it was deliberate; there was no “oops” moment here. It was a drawn-out and repeated process.)

If they acknowledge the fact that they did me wrong, I could and would forgive (and I have ‘gotten over’ the things that my sisters and others have done to me in the past; these things don’t consume me, but I haven’t forgotten, either), but I won’t forgive them a harm that they won’t even acknowledge that they did. For that reason I also won’t open up a dialogue with them, so it may appear to others as though I’m holding a grudge. I look at it as “not opening myself to that kind of damage again” ... until we all agree to wipe the slate.

ragingloli's avatar

Oi mate, pass the liquor, it’s Jack the Ripper
Jack the Rapper, following you way before the dawn of Twitter
I’m a human trigger warning, through the night until the morning
When the light shines upon my crimes, you find it sick, appalling
An infamous, notorious delinquent
There’s little more gory a thing than
Living in Victorian England
This is horrorcore, beware if you’re a common whore
Or at late night you may find me knocking on your door
Not keen to leave until I’m knee deep in blood and gore
Your grieving family on their knees, weeping, scrubbing floors
The police need a lead, they dunno what they’re looking for
My raps are like the way I eat my meat, bloody raw

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

It really depends but in general I don’t hold grudges for more than a day or so. It’s exhausting.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

It really depends on the circumstances. What did the person do that required forgiveness? My instant reaction is I don’t hold grudges. However, there are some people I still don’t want anything to do with a long time after they’ve upset me. However, that decision might be based on self-preservation rather than still holding a grudge. I can’t think of anyone who has upset me where I am still bitter and twisted with them after a long time. I can move on and let things go. Depending on their crime, I may very well keep in mind what they did and avoid putting myself in the same situation again.

AdventureElephants's avatar

@Earthbound_Misfit I like that answer. Self preservation. Something to think about.

Pachy's avatar

Since we pachyderms have such great memories, doesn’t it follow that we hold grudges?!

Mimishu1995's avatar

If you count not forgetting as grudge, then yes.

I can forgive but I don’t forget. And because I don’t forget, I have little sympathy for people who do their crime repeatedly.

But some people just don’t get the message. They think because I forgive I can as well forget everything as if nothing has happened.

Cruiser's avatar

Grudges are like a closet full of stuff you no longer have a use for…LITS to hang on to grudge clutter.

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