What are some funny last words?
Like “Is this loaded” , and “the money is buried in the ahh…”
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25 Answers
“I told you I was sick.” – on a tombstone.
I always thought Oscar Wilde’s last words were the best: “Either that wallpaper goes or I do.”
“Really, it’s okay Rosie! I want you to sit on my face!”
Death Row is a good place for last words.
“Pretty soon you’re going to see a baked Appel,” said George Appel in 1928 as he was strapped into the electric chair.
“Will that gas bother my asthma?” From Luis José Monge, on his way to the gas chamber in 1967
“How’s this for a headline in tomorrow’s paper? ‘French Fries!’ ” James French, 1966
“Hold my beer and watch this.”
“My work is done. Why wait?” – George Eastman, 1932
Nah. We’ll just make sure they’re safe until the Mama Bear gets home.
On February 23, 1836, the arrival of General Antonio López de Santa Anna’s army outside San Antonio nearly caught them by surprise. William B. Travis, the commander of the Alamo stood atop the South wall of the Alamo, looked out over the assembled Mexican Army was heard to ask “Are we pouring concrete today?”.
“I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.”
~~ Humphrey Bogart, January 14, 1957
“Don’t worry. It’s not loaded.”
“Oh, GOD!”
“You gonna eat that??”
“Here lies Lester Moore.
4 slugs from a .44
No less, no more.”
“I did not get SpaghettiOs, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.” – Thomas J. Grasso
This gag relies on the understanding that Irish people are a bit, err…slow
An Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman are lined up in front of a firing squad.
The commander asks each in turn if they have any final words before giving the order to shoot.
The Englishman shouts ”volcano erupting!!”
The firing squad turns in fear & he makes good his escape.
The Scotsman yells ”tsunami!!”
Repeated panic sees him escape execution too.
The Irishman cries out ”fire!!”
So they did.
No Irish people were harmed or offended during the course of the joke, to be sure, to be sure.
Looks like the IRA did not bomb you enough.
What is the difference between England and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
was that a sportsball joke?
That “joke” is older than germany itself & almost as lame…aye thangyoo!
“Yes, it does. Your ass looks pretty damn big in those pants.”
“Your sister is a lot livelier in bed than you are.”
@ucme
That just shows how long
͖t̙̙̜͢h̭̝͢e̦̠̖ ̞̝̭E̪̻͞ǹ̻͖̗͖̗g̡͕̰̞li̹̥͚̬̱̜s̫̱͚̣̝̗ͅh ̶̟̘̣̭̺̖t̻̝̣e̼̞͚͘a̪̼m̪͔ ͇͓͎̟͘s͈̤̻̬u̴c̻̙̥ḵ̙̪̱e̩͉͚̫̖ͅd̤
a̩̠̬̤t͈̥͓̱̬̬̦ ͓n̡͍̞̻̥͎ͅo͞t͇̼͚̝̞͢ ̪̘̟͟b̝̞͙̮̤͈͟ę̮̠͔i҉̬̳̯̤̗ͅn̻̞̥̼̹g̟͔̺̕ ̺̳̱c̮̲͍̞̲͍o̘̗̦͕̖̪̲m͎̗͔͖͝p̼̜̥̪le̬̦̟t̺e͚͎l͉̰̲̕y̧ ͖̭̠̙̣ͅd̰̰̖͚̯͇̹e̘̜̗͓̜̲̤s̠͢ț̮̠ͅr̥͠ọ͇y͉ed̯͇̖̮̩̹
̳̘b̭̰̖̗̰͝y̢̖ ͕͕͙̯͍͞e̘͔v̪͖̣̕ͅe͍̯n̴̯̦ ̜̬̖͞t̮̝̠̥h͏͍̹i͢r̲̲͖͚̭̥͓ḑ̭̺͍ ̢̼͖͕ẉ̱̪͕ǫ̘͎̻̙̗ͅr̼̲̰̗͕̜̕l̻̝̹͉̠̜̗ḍ͖̟̱͝ c̛̗̼̟̣o̦u̶̻̰̙n̲̘t͝r͖͎͚̤̙̼i̺̼̮̭͍̱̖e̷͖͕̭͚̘̗͍s͍͖͈̘ͅ.̻͞
̧H̵̺E̶̺̹͙͖͕͓ ̢̳͓̺̼C͍̲͝ͅÒ̝̞̥M̤͓̪͜E̶̳̪S!!̺͠
Ach-fucking-tung baby…ze boyz ov stalag 66
At the rest home, in the infectious area, my father was having his bed clothing changed. The nurses were also changing his dressing gown and giving him a sponge bath. They had forgotten to close the curtains that opened onto the central park area where several people gathered to talk or smoke. He said to the nurses attending him, ‘If you don’t close those curtains, I will have to charge for the show I’m about to give them.’ The nurses laughed and closed the curtains. 20 minutes later, my father passed. He had contracted MRSA after a bout with pneumonia and he couldn’t recover. He was so good with people with his sense of humour. I wish I could be more like him.
They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist…...ance. . . .
Killed in battle during US Civil War.
~~ General John Sedgwick, Union Commander, d. 1864
Am I dying or is this my Birthday?
When she awoke briefly durning her last illness and found all her family around her.
Lady Nancy Astor d.1964
www.corsinet.com
(Last words deathbed statements)
“Either those curtains go, or I do.”
- Oscar Wilde
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