General Question

qashqai's avatar

How can I convince my lovely girlfriend to come with me on a 15 day trip to Bora-Bora?

Asked by qashqai (2465points) July 25th, 2008

I will try to briefly explain my problem.

For me holidays are: enchanting beach, gorgeous sea, a mojito in my hand, chilling and relaxing all day.

For my girlfriend holidays are: let’s see that museum, let’s walk here, let’s go shopping all afternoon, let’s take a guided tour somewhere else.

I want to spend in Bora Bora 15 days doing almost nothing but walking from my resort towards the beach, and coming back at sunset. She wants to tour busy European capitals and make me go mad after a couple of days.

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26 Answers

TheHaight's avatar

Compromise! My boyfriend and I are the same way. When I get dragged along to his Raider games (I secretly love them) he will compromise and we’ll go shopping or somewere I want to go the next day. Plan things out… So you’ll both get what you want.

wildflower's avatar

I second the compromise part. My husband and I have this dilemma too. He wants to see archeology, museums, feats of engineering and if I can drag him shopping, he wants to spend all his time in the gadget shops!
So, go to places where you can soak up the sun while seeing archeological sites (Greece is a very good option for this), where there’s a cocktail bar next to the museum, and where there’s 3 shoe shops for each gadget shop!

I let him have the umbrella for shade while we’re on the beach and just stick in my iPod headphones and soak up the sun while he’s reading his C reference book or the Zombie survival guide…..

tinyfaery's avatar

Does it have to be Bora Bora? Try a place that has great, relaxing beaches, as well as interesting arts and culture; maybe something Mediterranean, or South American would work. Just an idea.

qashqai's avatar

You know when you fill up those wishlists and you stick them to the fridge?
Bora Bora has been on the top of my wishlist since I was a 5 years old child, reading an article of National Geographic. I still have the picture (twenty years later!) that I cut from the magazine.

Agree with you all that compromise is the best solution, but one day I want to put a red line over “I want to be in Bora Bora”, and the problem will come up again, then.

By the way, thank you for the suggestions! I am going to check Greece and South America right now.

tinyfaery's avatar

Well, if Bora Bora is a place you have always wanted to go, and you are able to it now, you definitely should. Whenever the wife and I find ourselves in this type of situation we just do a trade off. If you do [insert] with me, even though you really don’t want to, I’ll do [insert] with you, even though I really don’t want to. It works out. That’s what you do for the people you love.

sndfreQ's avatar

I’m with you on this one qashqai…tell her I (sndfreQ, your new buddy) will gladly sub for her and she can hang out with my wife and kids-they’re into all that stuff! From the sounds of it, you should be enjoying your time off from that crazy job of yours!

Bora Bora-yes, go there first then promise on the “next trip” to do the other stuff. A long time ago (when I first started off in college) I dreamt of going there; now some 17+ years later, I still want to go but know that it won’t happen for me for a long time…

Maybe it’s me, but IMO you should really try to sort this out if you plan on a long-term relationship, or at least agree to come to terms with your differences…otherwise it’s bound to annoy the both of you as time moves on.

whiteowl's avatar

Try to show her something like
(this picture is property of Website
Any girl would like this kind of rest :)
Try this!

Magnus's avatar

Tell her that they have cookies.

jlacombe's avatar

I am with your girlfriend in this Sorry.

Mulot's avatar

If my girlfriend wouldn’tt want to spend 15 days in Bora Bora, I would drop her right away ! xD

Dog's avatar

I am in the same relationship dynamic and we solved the issue by
taking turns choosing vacations. Rules: when it is the person’s choice you
do what they want without complaint.

So how about you propose that you do Bora Bora this year and she chooses next year.

wildflower's avatar

Of course, one alternative is to not go as a couple. Go with a friend who would enjoy the same as you and your girlfriend can go on a different holiday with a friend that shares her interests.
My husband recently went to Paris (I know! fashion and romance capital of the world, etc.) on his own – I didn’t join him because his trip was to attend the Blizzard conference! Not something I would enjoy – at all!
Instead, I will take a shopping trip on my own some other time :)

flameboi's avatar

You don’t have to take her, I mean, it’s your vacation, your wallet, she should say thank you sweetie and go with you instead of trying to change your decision, if she doesn’t want to go, drop her.
My ex gf 2 years ago invited me to go on vacation with her family to Nantucket, I said no thank you, not because I didn’t like the idea of a private jet and 3 weeks in a beautiful mansion, but because I felt like it was over the top, after that we broke up because she was looking a husband in me and I was not ready, the point is that in case of an invitation (specially a big one) you can only say yes, thank you, and no thank you…. She has to respect your decisions and back you up all the way to the end

marinelife's avatar

There is such a difference in your travel styles that if things are meant for long-term, you guys need to discuss very openly how to handle travel if it will be a big part of your lives.

I agree with others here who have said that if Bora Bora is your dream, you should not give it up. You also should not let someone who does not really want to be there doing nothing with you wreck it for you.

So, make this trip about you, and make sure you fully discuss before leaving if your girlfriend can support you in how you want the trip to be. Bora Bora probably does not offer that much of her kind of vacation fun. Let her start planning the next vacation. A girlfriend worth keeping should be able to openheartedly give you your dream and enjoy watching you have it.

susanc's avatar

Forget her!! Take me!!! I am really easy to get along with!!!!

qashqai's avatar

We can talk about that Susan! Any other girl wants to join in?

tinyfaery's avatar

Oh me, and the wife. We’re both girls :)

qashqai's avatar

That’s fantastic!
So my next question will probably be How can I convince my lovely girlfriend I am going to Bora Bora with four other girls?

tinyfaery's avatar

Well she did bring it on herself.

susanc's avatar

When? When? When?

sndfreQ's avatar

Okay…second attempt-tell your GF that I’ll be there to chaperone you ladies (I’m a guy btw)!

can’t blame a guy for trying?!

mcbealer's avatar

I would love to go, no strings attached.

susanc's avatar

I can go any time after 15 October.
Does that mean I miss the boat?
Sure hope not.
I’m already on a diet to get ready.

qashqai's avatar

For those who may be interested: I am currently using many of your suggestions to make her my paradise island trip proposal. She is unsettled, less reluctant, and surely more willing to come.

A big thank you to everyone.

Should I fail, (and chances are not that few) I will plan the trip around October, 15th. So that hopefully also Susan can join. Hope that the other girls have no plans for that period.

wildflower's avatar

Good luck!

and if it comes to it, I’ll consider it my birthday treat to myself :)

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