Social Question

somewomenarenicemaybe's avatar

Ladies, What would you think of my sexual history?

Asked by somewomenarenicemaybe (332points) February 1st, 2016

I’m in my 30s, I grew up in a small town. I made out with 2 girls when I was 16, I fingered 1 girl when I was 17, got to 3rd base with a woman when I was 18 or 19 then I met my wife and we started having sex regularly at 21. I’ve never cheated on her so obviously I’ve never been with anyone else. I guess I just want your honest opinion if you think my sexual history is normal, nice, pathetic or whatever for a guy in his 30s.

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13 Answers

canidmajor's avatar

I think it’s normal for you. I don’t think it’s probably any more or less interesting than anyone else’s, (leaving out the extremes).

XOIIO's avatar

If that’s pathetic, I don’t know what my life is, though I guess there’s a 10 year gap or so between us.

janbb's avatar

I wonder in conjunction with your other posts why you’re thinking of this now. Are you feeling deprived of good experiences?

somewomenarenicemaybe's avatar

Janbb- you’re very observant. I don’t know where my marriage is headed, I’m always confused and trying to figure out who I am and what life would be like if I had to be divorced.

janbb's avatar

From my own experience, I can tell you that divorce is very wrenching. My kids were grown when my Ex left me, but it was still hard for all of us. And I am glad we stayed together to raise them, splitting up earlier would have been devastating for the family.

My life is immeasurably better now than it was at the end of my marriage but it is not a romantic wonderland.

When you’re raising young children, a lot of the romance in a marriage gets lost. If I were you – and I’m not – I would do my best to try to rekindle some sparks with your wife before thinking about leaving. Date nights, weekend get-aways, etc. may help you renew the spark. And – talk to your wife about your feelings.

jca's avatar

To answer your question about whether your history is normal, I think when it comes to sex, sex lives, sexual history, sexual anything, there is no such thing as “normal.” If you got honest answers from a cross section of the population, there are probably many types of experiences and experience profiles across the board.

Seek's avatar

I think I officially know more about your sexual history than I know about my own husband’s.

Honestly, what you do with your body is none of my business. At all.

tinyfaery's avatar

Honestly, if you were on the market and we found ourselves in a position to be discussing such things, your inexperience would be a turn off.

Mariah's avatar

Sounds normal to me. “Normal” covers a wide range but this would certainly fall under that umbrella.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

NORMAL. I’m almost 40 and I have only had two partners including my wife.

Most people have not had a lot of partners. It’s quality not quantity.

meta_amanda's avatar

When I met my husband, I was 25 and he was 28. He had recently split up with a woman he met at 20 and married at 24. I never had a relationship longer than three months, but I’d dated a bunch, especially between 18–25. I wasn’t the easiest gal in the Bay Area, but I wasn’t a nun, so math alone should indicate I’d had more partners than he had. I never thought it was weird or abnormal that he had more limited experience, and he never judged me for having had a broader range. More than fourteen years later, we still feel the same.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

There is no ‘normal’ in terms of sexual history. We all have one. Our history is normal for us.

As to your relationship and your question, I think you have the cart before the horse. Focus on how to repair your current relationship. You need to be completely committed to this goal (if that’s what you want). If you’re hedging your bets and also looking to ‘what would life be like if I wasn’t married’, you’re not giving your marriage a fair shot.

Should the worst happen and your marriage ends, take time before you seek another sexual relationship. As @janbb said, separation and divorce are gut-wrenching and heartbreaking. While it might seem like the easiest solution now, when you find yourself standing on that side of the fence and dealing with the fallout from a broken marriage, if you have a heart, things will not be wonderful for a while.

Many people leave one relationship and jump straight into another. In my opinion, a better idea is to spend some time figuring out what went wrong. Seek some counselling now to help you with the problems in your relationship. If things don’t work out, that counsellor can also help you to learn from your mistakes so you don’t take them into your next relationship.

If you end up single, when you are ready to embark on a new relationship, I doubt very much your new partner will judge you for your past sexual history. Focus on finding someone who is right for you, rather than worrying about whether you measure up to some imaginary norm.

Inspired_2write's avatar

I think it is better than the boasting of a female single friend whom thought it a great character trait to had been with 77 men!
Misguided she felt that everyone would marval at her conquests..instead we were flabergasted at her immaturity and in the back of our minds wondered if she used condoms or not.?
Probably not as most times she was plastered in alchol!
Not a good thing to brag about.

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