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Kardamom's avatar

Can you forgive me?

Asked by Kardamom (31920points) February 7th, 2016

As some of you know, I haven’t been on Fluther much in the last few months. Initially it was due to the fact that I was extremely busy and there were some illnesses with a few friends and family members that required trips to the hospital.

As soon as I had a window of opportunity to get on Fluther, I found out that Alan Rickman had passed away. Those of you that know me fairly well, know that I’ve always been a huge Alan Rickman fan so that hit me pretty hard, but I was dealing with it. A week later, I finally made it on to Fluther and I saw a cryptic question from one of the other Jellies asking about how to deal with the death of a fellow Jelly. I thought they were talking about our other friend, @gailcalled, whom I had mourned and lamented and discussed with other Jellies, several months back. What I didn’t realize is that they were talking about @Adirondackwannabe. And then I saw something about @Unbroken.

I was shocked to my heart and core. I couldn’t believe it and thought it was all a bad dream and that I must have misread something, but then I realized it was true. I have yet to read the threads regarding those two lost Jellies. I haven’t yet been able to do it and I still don’t know what happened.

A week later, when I was thinking about reading the threads, but then I went on to Facebook and found out that a friend/co-worker of mine had died. They said it was a sudden heart attack, but I think it was actually a suicide, for reasons that I won’t go into.

So for the past few months, it’s been loss after loss and in the meantime I was busier than I usually am, so I neglected Fluther and my friends on here and I still haven’t been able to read the threads about our friends who have left us after Gail passed away. I just haven’t had the mental strength to do it, so I don’t know any of the details.

I still have the last message that Addy ever sent me. We used to chat rather regularly. He was one of my posse behind the scenes who I often consulted when I encountered a tough “relationship” question. He would always give me encouragement and would offer a male perspective so that I could answer the question from a more informed point of view, and he often helped me to calm down before saying anything inflammatory, so in that way, he was like the voice of reason. Our last conversation was about food, though. We loved talking about dinner parties and recipes and such.

I didn’t know Unbroken very well, but it still came as another blow to hear that another Jelly had left this earth.

When Gail passed away, none of the rest of this stuff had yet happened, so I was able to talk with some of the other Jellies, and with her daughter on the tribute thread. That was very comforting, especially to know that Milo was OK and well taken care of, but everything that happened afterwards pretty much threw me into a tail spin of shock and mourning and then I wasn’t able to get online again for the last 3 weeks, simply due to things happening in life, but I feel like I should have been here, and I wasn’t.

I feel kind of lost and sad, but also angry and confused. I’m sure a lot of you do, or did, feel the same way. I just hope that you can forgive me for being away for so long. Because I’m sure it looks as though I just didn’t care, which is so far from the truth.

I never knew Gail or Unbroken, or Adirondackwannabe in real life, and before Fluther, I never thought that you could really know somebody online, or become “real” friends with them. Fluther made me learn that that is not only possible, it happened to me in droves.

There are other Jellies on here that I consider to be good/close friends, and I hope they too can forgive me for seeming to be silent or absent all of this time on both Fluther and Facebook. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by since I first heard about the death of Gail that I haven’t thought of all of you (and especially about some of you, whom I’m pretty sure you know who I mean).

But like Dorothy said in The Wizard of Oz, when referring to the Scarecrow, only in this instance I’m Dorothy and Adirondackwannabe is the Scarecrow, “I think I’ll miss you most of all.”

Can you forgive me?

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19 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

You don’t need any forgiveness from us, and I ask you to forgive @Kardamom

Jeruba's avatar

There’s nothing to forgive. Truly. When someone’s absent, there’s a reason, one that in some cases we’ll find out eventually and in others we’ll never know. But I don’t believe that it’s assumed that they don’t care, especially when it’s someone who’s been as active and genuine and caring as you.

If anything, just speaking for myself here, I ought to have been over there asking if you were okay and not just waiting for you to show up.

Come on back at whatever pace feels comfortable to you. We’ve suffered our losses, but there’s also still a lot left. Be part of it, @Kardamom.

janbb's avatar

People wax and wane here all the time for a variety of reasons. There’s nothing to forgive.

filmfann's avatar

I am unsure what transgression you think you should be forgiven. Whatever you are worried about, know that (speaking for myself) you are loved, and needn’t ask.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

I think that being human and caring does not need forgiveness.

Zaku's avatar

Glad to see you you again. No worries. Sad times. So it goes.

Mimishu1995's avatar

You have done nothing wrong. It was a period of loss and sadness. After Adi’s death I was so shock that I considered taking a break from Fluther too. I also seem to be less active since. You are not the only one who mourned. I’m still trying to move on with my loss.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

There is nothing for me to forgive dear @Kardamom. Sometimes we have to take time out to process things that happen in our lives. If you needed to take time out because of your grief, that is perfectly okay. I’m just glad to see you back. I wish there was something I could say to help you feel happier and to help assuage your grief.

kritiper's avatar

Hey! Life happens! What’s there to forgive??

OpryLeigh's avatar

Nothing to forgive but I have missed you and consider you a really important person in the Fluther community.

rojo's avatar

I am glad to see you on Fluther whenever or wherever.

jca's avatar

I don’t think forgiveness is a necessary thing to request, in this instance. I also missed you, @Kardamom! I figured you were busy working.

dxs's avatar

For what? I appreciate your presence; I don’t take it for granted.

LuckyGuy's avatar

There is nothing to forgive. But if an affirmative answer will make you feel better… Yes. We absolutely forgive you.
I figured “life” got in the way. It happens.
I’m glad you’re still here. You add so much to the collective.

Pachy's avatar

Bless you sharing such personal, heartfelt thoughts. I’ve been going through a rather long, tough period myself so I have deep empathy for what you say and thank you for openly expressing some of the fears I’ve been privately obsessing about.

Coloma's avatar

@Kardamom I was just about to drop you a note and ask how you were. I JUST, discovered the passing of both Adirondackwannabe and Unbroken last night!
Somehow this news has escaped me as well. I was fully aware of Gails passing of course.

Forgive? Surely you jest my friend!
The wheels on the bus go round and round, and sometimes we miss the bus altogether.
I’m sorry for your stressors as of late and miss your presence here. :-)

stanleybmanly's avatar

We come and we go. Everyone gets a turn.

Stinley's avatar

I have missed you. Food has been mentioned and you have not been there with your lovely recipes. Nothing to forgive though as it must always be your decision to participate.

I have asked a question that I hope will welcome you back

Kardamom's avatar

Thank you all for your kind responses. I’m still trying to process all of this. I still have not yet read the threads regarding Adirondackwannabe and Unbroken. I just can’t bring myself to do it just yet, but I will, eventually.

If anyone would care to PM me and let me know what happened to them, I would be much appreciative.

I shall try to make it onto Facebook in the next few days too. I miss chatting with everyone there as well as here.

Thank you all for being part of my support system : )

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