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Cruiser's avatar

Do you have a favorite quote from a Jelly?

Asked by Cruiser (40421points) February 23rd, 2016

The level of wisdom, insight and sense of humor are some of the reasons if not “the” reason I still hang out here. Since I came back I have collected some of the quotes I treasure and been listing them in my profile and decided why not start a thread with them that can be a record of some of the Jelly pearls of wisdom. Here we go….

“I am a vegan, a non-drinker and an old lady and I feel welcome, even though this puts me into three different minorities.”
~gailcalled

“Hey, I’m insanely wealthy and yet I get lots of lurve here! Also, I think that non-drinkers have every right to eat their liquids!”
~Incoherency_

“Don’t make me ban you! Damnit!!”
~Dog

”I’m confused.”
~Judi

“and people think I’m nuts when I say…“That person is not a newb”
~SpatzieLover

“Why is George Bush suddenly showing up in avatars? Lol.”
~mazingerz88

“At no time in the past three years have I seen an improvement in Fluther follow from complaints about groupthink, accusations of conspiracies, or attempts to define who’s “Us” and who’s “Them” among members.”
~Jeruba

“Well..if you don’t like geese, happy brownies and good humor, you can’t play in my sandbox!”
~Coloma

“Please don’t make me pretend to be a creationist in the general section to prove my point.”
~poisonedantidote

“If I stuff my ass and stomach with confetti and jump off a tall building, when I hit the ground people will think they won a prize.”
~poisonedantidote

Bring it on Jellies!

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29 Answers

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

“What will you do with your one wild and precious life?” @gailcalled quoting Mary Oliver.

ragingloli's avatar

“It is simple, really. You slice his penis off.” – @ragingloli

jca's avatar

No specific quotes right now but two hilarious Jellies are Coloma and Hypocrisy Central. Janbb can be pretty funny at times, too.

thorninmud's avatar

Not a short quip, but a brilliant metaphor from Seek:

If one considers the Bible a source of instructions, at best you can say it’s one of those badly-translated Engrish instruction booklets with no diagrams, that comes with your kid’s “Some Assembly Required” bicycle.

You could be able to look at the pieces you have, and compare it with your knowledge of what a finished bicycle should look like, and eventually be able to get all the right bolts in the right place.

Or you can follow the instructions according to what you think they meant to say there, and end up with the handlebars where the seat should be.

OR, you can combine the bits of the instructions that make sense according to what you already know what a bike should look like, and get it done a little bit faster, provided you don’t spend a ton of time worrying about the bad translation, and are OK with throwing away the bits that make no logical sense.

But if you do that, it doesn’t make sense to then tout the perfection and divine nature of the Instruction Booklet, and claim the Instruction Booklet was your source of knowledge in bicycle assembly, when in fact you hardly used it at all, and what you did use had to be tempered by what you already knew to be right and wrong.

tedibear's avatar

“Don’t believe everything you feel.” Unfortunately, I can’t remember who said this, but it was appropriate and correct for my situation.

Coloma's avatar

“If only we could earn a Dairy Queen double dip cone for putting up with their shit!” Lol From @Cruiser recently.

” Marwyn the Duke of Duckworth” @Espirituscorvus reference to my goose.

I know there are more…thinking, thinking…

Dutchess_III's avatar

“I don’t know of anything worse after an all night binge than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember her name, how she got there, and why she’s dead. That’s when I say “I’m never doing this again!” Followed by “And this time I mean it!”~ AstroChuck.

dammitjanetfromvegas's avatar

Chicken flap arms- Hypocrisy_Central

Here2_4's avatar

If I stuff my ass and stomach with confetti and jump off a tall building, when I hit the ground people will think they won a prize. – poisonedantidote

Jeruba's avatar

Somebody—was it our absent friend @FutureMemory?—had a fine list of quotes on his profile page. One of them was a quote I loved from @Simone_de_Beauvoir, something about atheism, but I can’t remember it. Of course I thought he’d always be here and I could look it up any time.

jca's avatar

This thread makes me miss some of the oldies – AstroChuck, Simone, FutureMemory.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@jca What Astrochuck is gone : (

jca's avatar

He doesn’t post much and I see he was last here (probably to check in) a few weeks ago. He used to be a regular.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

If we want to lure the oldtimers back, we need to offer more tastier pancakes.

Cruiser's avatar

@Hawaii_Jake I think adding in an 800 lb Froot Loop Guerrilla will push that effort over the top

Coloma's avatar

From @dxs today.

“Do they mean the actual blanket like object.” “Or..are they talking about something else?” LMAO!

In relation to the type using quilt instead of guilt.

CWOTUS's avatar

I doubt if the source of this quote needs to be named:

Personally, I would ban anyone who can’t write short, clear and precise sentences. If I can’t understand it, I can’t answer it.

Coloma's avatar

edit…typo..not type ^

CWOTUS's avatar

I was looking at Fundevogel’s profile page in reference to an epic thread/conversation we had once in idiom-speak, and he has a great collection of quotes, for anyone who’s interested. This one caught my eye; I had not seen it previously.
——
“I’ve always thought there should be scenic masturbation points like scenic overlooks. ‘Scenic masturbation point 2 miles. lol” ~ @Coloma (from her “lol at everything” days but this was really worth a lol)
——
He also has a great response of his own, “a marketing success”, to the ‘question’, “Let’s get it straight once and for all: God is…”

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Astrochuck pops in from time to time @RedDeerGuy1. Like, “Poof!” He’s here. Then he’s gone again.

Coloma's avatar

@CWOTUS Haha..I forgot all about that, one of my long ago moments. I will not lol, I know bad habit, but I do laugh out loud a lot. :-)

Tropical_Willie's avatar

“But I only want nice people to answer”
Thanks @Randy (many versions) at 104.1 FM

Cruiser's avatar

I think this is a good time to insert one from @ETpro…

“Wow, I was going to confess that aside from necrophilia, zoophilia and the limited set of other things that either cause permanent harm or involve sex acts without informed consent, I like just about every paraphilia known to humanity and a few that haven’t made the list yet. But after reading all the above, I feel a lot more normal. Thanks, everyone.”
~ETpro

marinelife's avatar

“When I log onto fluther, it feels like I just walked into the local warm and cozy diner. Bendrew is there to greet me at the door with a smile, a big “good morning” and a copy of the newspaper. The aroma of frying bacon and fresh coffee fills the air as I look around and see the usual friendly familiar faces with a couple of strangers in one of the booths. I order the usual (tall stack of pancakes and some coffee) and settle into my seat just outside the direct firing line between Blondesjon and eponymoushipster. As usual Astrochuck is running around like the six year old he is, throwing out bratty but very clever quips. I glance over to Harp, who as always provides a calming influence. All my favorite friends are here sharing stories, experiences and knowledge. In one corner, the discussion is about politics, in another it’s religion and across the way its all about relationships. Suddenly one of the strangers, now feeling comfortable among the group stands and says, “I have a question perhaps you can help me with: Is oral sex really sex and if I do it with someone other than my girlfriend, is that considered cheating.” We all bust up in uncontrollable laughter. Yup, another day of learning and laughing and sharing it all with good friends.” whatthefluther

chyna's avatar

^Thanks for posting this @Marina. Lurve.

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