Social Question

kidreamer's avatar

Anyone have advice on talking to girls?

Asked by kidreamer (35points) March 4th, 2016

I have a really hard time talking to girls who like or are interested in me. I really want a relationship because I’m 26 and should be getting ready to settle down. I guess the main reason I don’t approach women is because of my financial state. I’m still living with my parents unfortunately, working as a graphic designer making $10 an hour $400 a week. If I had my own place and a stable job I would definitely have more confidence to approach women. Before you say money doesn’t matter to most women….. I live in NYC. No offense to NYC women but most are pretty materialistic. Well the ones I’ve come in contact with that is. Maybe I’m just looking at the wrong type. Another issue is, I am not good with words in person. When I’m texting I do really really good, but in person I am so awkward at times.

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10 Answers

MollyMcGuire's avatar

I think it’s doubtful you live in NYC and make $10/hour as a graphic designer.,13_IM615_KO14,30.htm

kevbo's avatar

Read this book and do ten percent of what it says. Not at all joking.

Stinley's avatar

Can you try to find a hobby or interest where you meet other like minded people. Expanding your social circle would give you more opportunities to get to know someone with interests in commmon

Cruiser's avatar

Have you tried hanging out with the artistic community where you live? Artists, musician, dancers etc. are some of the least materialistic people I meet. As a graphic designer you could have common ground with them.

Also if I were you I would make a low cost website and create Facebook and Instagram pages to promote your graphic design services on a side freelance basis and handout cards to the women you are attracted to.

zenvelo's avatar

Please give us some direction on what you would really like us to address.

You ask about talking to women (not girls, you are too old for “girls”), but then you complain about your financial state and your job and living at home.

We can give you a lot of experienced advice on speaking to the opposite sex. Or we can give you some support and suggestions for addressing your work and living issues. But not both at the same time.

Seek's avatar

You’re going to have a terrible time of it if you’re going into it thinking all women are materialistic, and being unwilling to talk to them to learn otherwise.

Do you have a hobby? If you don’t, get one. You won’t find women while you’re binge-watching Man vs. Food on Netflix.

josie's avatar

I have a really hard time talking to girls who like or are interested in me

Does that mean you have no trouble talking to the ones who dislike you or show no interest?
If so, why not use the same basic approach.
Be interested.
Don’t act like an expert about something you are not.
Listen more than you talk.
When you do talk, make sure your teeth are clean.

cookieman's avatar

Pretend they are human beings with diverse interests and personalities. ~

Haleth's avatar

Find a hobby or a meetup group, or some daily activity where you spend a lot of time around a broad spectrum of people. Practice having conversations with people from all walks of life. Eventually, you will develop the confidence to talk naturally with anyone, including women. It doesn’t happen overnight; it’s like working out.

If you live at home, earn $10 per hour, are shy, and make broad generalizations about women, you have some catching up to do in the life experience department. That, and not your finances, is why you’re having trouble with women. I’m close to your age and spent the last 10 years doing a lot of different stuff and fending for myself, and finally gained some hard-won confidence as a result. Most women don’t want a guy who can buy us shoes and purses or whatever. We want a guy who can at least keep up with us and hopefully surprise and impress us with how awesome he is.

Going from where you are to settling down with a woman is a big leap. If you join a club or an activity and get comfortable talking to girls as friends, that would be a good first step. Once you’re used to that, you can ask someone out for coffee. Do that a few times, and it might turn into multiple dates. And after a bunch of those, you’ll probably meet someone where you both really like each other and want to spend lots of time together.

Women can sense when you just want to meet “a woman” and it doesn’t matter who it is. One of my guy friends was like this for the longest time. He just wanted a girlfriend, it didn’t matter if they had anything in common or their personalities went together; he just desperately wanted to be with somebody. As a result, he threw himself after basically every women he knew. Being comfortable alone is a major foundation for having a successful relationship. When you figure out who you are, and feel all right about it, you will also start to figure out what kind of partner you’re looking for. Then you can start looking for that person.

Also, 26 is really young. Lots of people don’t settle down until their 30s or later. Having a deadline is a sure way to fall into the trap I mentioned above- chasing after any relationship without caring who the person is. A lot of people get unhappily married young and end up divorcing. Being unhappily single is kind of a bummer, but being unhappy in the wrong relationship will drain the life out of you. Keep working on yourself and making friends, and soon enough you’ll have the confidence for dating.

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