Social Question

dopeguru's avatar

(NSFW) Why didn't he wear a condom?

Asked by dopeguru (1343points) March 9th, 2016 from iPhone

I know its my responsibility and that I should have asked. Please do not criticize or bash me, I know. The question is why didnt he? This is the third time I’m ever seeing this guy, and he just slipped it right in. He made sure I came, then he came, he came A LOT, and then I left because I felt a bit disturbed since I didnt know him well.

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43 Answers

Seek's avatar

Stop having sex with people you cannot communicate with.

canidmajor's avatar

You’d have to ask him that. Different men have different reasons. Some say they prefer the feeling of no condom. Some are naive about STDs and assume it simply can’t happen to them. Some figure that birth control is strictly a woman’s issue.
Ask HIM. We don’t know.

ibstubro's avatar

He didn’t wear a condom because sex is more pleasurable for most men without a condom and he was concerned with one thing…his pleasure.

I hope you’re using birth control, and you should probably warn all your other partners that you have engaged in unprotected sex with at least one promiscuous male. But the most important thing, at this point, is that you not become pregnant.

janbb's avatar

I’m sorry but your questions are beyond ridiculous.. You are taking no responsibility for protecting yourself – either physically or emotionally. I stopped answering your questions some months ago because you never take the advice given and keep sleeping with ratfinks. Grow up already.

cookieman's avatar

I know its my responsibility
Yes

and that I should have asked.
Correct. More like “required” him to wear a condom.

Please do not criticize or bash me,
I will not

I know.
Apparently you don’t.

The question is why didnt he?
Good answers above on this.

This is the third time Im ever seeing this guy, and he just slipped it right in.
Were you asleep?? this is where you slip it back out and say, “wrap that puppy or we’re done here.”

He made sure I came,
Well that’s thoughtful.

then he came, he came A LOT,
Inside you?!?!

and then I left because I felt a bit disturbed since I didnt know him well.
Simple rule: If you don’t know someone well enough to AT LEAST discuss the wearing of a condom, don’t have sex with them.

I hope you are on birth control, don’t get pregnant or contract a STD.

gorillapaws's avatar

He didn’t wear one because you didn’t insist he do so.

ibstubro's avatar

Here’s some information you should know as a young, sexually active female:

I Remove The Condom Without Them Knowing During ‘stealth’ Sex

This isn’t secret information, but came from a general Google search, available to any boy you come in contact with that has access to the internet.

chyna's avatar

Your questions are disturbing.
You need to seek help.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

Jesus. I am so fucking glad I never had kids.

Coloma's avatar

…and he just slipped it right in?
WTF….seriously…you need to buy a chastity belt and throw away the key as your brain is beyond malfunctioning kiddo.

dopeguru's avatar

Can someone flag this I need to change my stupid phrasing. This also has become more a social section than general

canidmajor's avatar

You can flag your own stuff.

Judi's avatar

The real question is , “Why didn’t you INSIST that he wear a condom and discuss it before things got so hot and heavy? I could give you an answer like “some men are just selfish pigs” but when it comes to your health you MUST take charge and not rely on others.

dopeguru's avatar

I didnt because I wasnt feeling comfortable. It was a mistake and I wont do it again.

Unofficial_Member's avatar

I feel bad for you that some people bash on you despite you’ve already asked them not to. To tell you the truth, it’s not any of our right to judge your own sexual freedom, you just want the most accurate speculation.

Perhaps he assumed that you’ve already taken birth control? I believe some of the above answers have already answered your question. I, however, need to add that you can still ask for his part of responsibility.

Call your local emergency center and they’ll give you pills to prevent pregnancy if you suspect you’re pregnant (only if no longer than 3 days after unprotected sexual contact).

chyna's avatar

@unofficial member. But what about sexually transmitted diseases? Nothing can prevent that now.

Coloma's avatar

@Unofficial_Member Some of us old timers have beaten around @dopeguru ‘s bush and their various relationship/sexual issues, many times.
We are not bashing, many of us are old enough to be the parents here and simply are trying to talk some sense into this persons young and foolish head. One “slip” up on the slippery slope of sloppy sexual screw ups can be the start of a landslide of unprecedented consequences. STD’s, unwanted pregnancy, maybe both.

@dopeguru needs a good old fashioned spanking for being so reckless and that’s what they are getting, a verbal spanking from us mature peeps.

Judi's avatar

@dopeguru , You were feeling uncomfortable?
I was in my 40’s or 50’s before I realized that some of my sexual encounters in my teens were actually rape. If this happened without your consent, even if you decided at the last minute you didn’t want it, then it’s rape. The subject is so fraught with blame but really, if someone “just slipped it in” without your consent, even if you were heavy petting before, it’s not your fault, it was rape and you need to stay as far away from this person as you can.

NerdyKeith's avatar

Honestly, it all comes down to carelessness. Some guys just want to have sex and won’t take the responsibility to say “Well maybe we can do this another time when we have protection.”

The reality is, the pull out method is not as effective as many think it is. Its not worth it.

As a general rule of thumb, I generally do not have sex with anyone I don’t see a future with. I’ve been on plenty of dates with guys recently. To whom I’ve made it more than transparent that I am monogamous, so they know what to expect. Absolutely no sex whatsoever on the first date (or even the third date).

I’m not saying that everyone should be monogamous. Because monogamy just isn’t for everyone and thats fine. But I get the impression that you are not after casual sex. I would suggest carrying condoms as a precaution, because not doing so would be too risky.

Other than that, if you are not interested in having sex at such an early stage, you need to affirm this very clearly. If he cannot respect that, you do whatever you can to get away from him. Best of luck.

Unofficial_Member's avatar

@chyna I forgot to mention that you can still prevent that (if no longer than 3 days after sexual contact). She can ask for nPEP or PEP treatment in her local emergency center (If she wants, she can claim that she was raped for them to give the medication for free)

@Coloma I see. If this person has been doing this thing until now what makes you think another good ‘ol spanking will change her mind?

Coloma's avatar

Yes, and @Judi shares some of my own sentiments. Hey, us gals survived the 70’s and trust me, it was a wild time fraught with all sorts of youthful stupidity. They didn’t call it the era of sex,drugs & rock-n-roll for nothing. haha
We are extremely qualified to not only relate but being older and wiser and parents as well we also get to kick some stupid adolescent ass. lol

Coloma's avatar

@Unofficial_Member You posit a good point there. Touche!

dopeguru's avatar

Stop bashing me please.

Im aware of my fault.

The question wasn’t “Should I have asked”

Im new in the game. Ive only been with less than 10 people and Im in my late to mid twenties.

Anyway thank you but I dont need insults, I need to understand the male here.

dopeguru's avatar

For all of u—I havent been “doing” this all the time. Ive always used condoms before besides a lot of times with my ex. Im curious about the psychology of sex and males in regards to sex. My questions if you noticed are mostly around that realm.

Seek's avatar

The male isn’t here for us to interview, unfortunately. People are all individuals, and we don’t have the benefit of his personal input.

You do have a history of asking questions about sexual encounters that have left you less than euphoric.

Since all we know of you is what you post here, that is what we have to go on when forming responses.

We are all, generally, caring people who want you to have a fulfilling sex life that is full of multiple orgasms and free of disease and unwanted pregnancy. Of that, I can at least assure you.

NerdyKeith's avatar

@dopeguru We’re not trying bash you. Try to understand we are offering you advice so you can move forward from this.

I cannot tell you exactly what this guy’s thoughts or mindset was, I can only speculate based on my experience with other guys and just listening to the conversations a lot of other guys have. Fortunately not all guys have the same mentality (that I can only assume is present in the last guy you had sex with). All I can tell you is, he was probably just thinking of himself, i.e. he was being selfish.

I’m sorry that you got the impression that we are trying to bash or insult you. That was not our intention at all. I’d like to suggest that you take everything everyone has said to you here as constructive feedback.

ibstubro's avatar

I think the question you need to ask – mainly of yourself – is:
“How can _I avoid ever having unprotected sex outside of a committed relationship again?“_

Who cares about why he didn’t?
Why did you?

It’s not bashing you to point out that it takes two people to have intercourse and your primary responsibility – especially outside a relationship – is to yourself.

Having a baby, an abortion or an STD isn’t going to help you understand boys any better.

Why did he have sex without a condom? A simple experiment will tell you, and all you need is a condom:
Wash your hands and let them dry thoroughly.
Unwrap the condom and put it over your right thump
Put your left (unprotected) thumb in your mouth and suck on it like a baby.
Remove your left thumb from your mouth and put your right (protected) thumb in your mouth and suck.

There’s the literal answer to your question.

josie's avatar

He couldn’t afford one.
If you are hanging out with a guy who doesn’t have a couple of bucks for a condom, what good is he to you? You seem to need something a little more resourceful.

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
Jak's avatar

You didn’t feel comfortable telling him to put on a condom, but you were ok with allowing him to be intimate with you. And coming. a LOT. And telling all of us about it, and that you have only even been with this person three times. Your comfort level extended to cover all of that but not a couple of English words like, oh I don’t know, how ‘bout “Oh, here put this on please.” I mean how far from you was he that he was able to “slip it right in”? Logistically speaking, it would have required a lot of cooperation from you to get into position, so to speak. Let me wrap my head around this.
It seems more like you just HAVE to share your encounters with people. You seem to want people to know that you are having sex. That’s what this seems to boil down to, to me. Why would you ask strangers the reasons why someone did something? We don’t know him. How could anyone but him possibly answer that?
Or like you know you’re doing some ridiculous stuff and want some parents to intervene and tell you about it, despite saying not to “bash” you. You are provoking the kind of response you say you don’t want. Again, as I pointed out the last time I spent a minute on you, you are choosing. Making choices and there are lots of potential negative consequences necessarily attached to them. What are you really looking for here? If it’s validation for your actions, you’re barking up the wrong tree. If you want to know why he nailed you without a condom, go look in the mirror. That is the responsible party. Look no further. Whatever he did, you allowed. Period.

dopeguru's avatar

Okay. He didn’t come inside me. I think that’s the misconception this thread has. He came a lot but no, not in me. He pulled out.

dammitjanetfromvegas's avatar

Mr. Dick is the only person who can answer this question with an answer that will appease you.

Buttonstc's avatar

There’s a simple reason why he did not use a condom and it isn’t rocket science to figure it out.

He did not wear a condom simply because it was not required of him to do so.
Period. End of sentence. If you had insisted, he wouldn’t have had the choice.

I’m going to put this as simply as possible. Sex is like a car. Men are the accelerator pedal and women are the brake pedal.
The reason for this is that men (and young men in particular) have tons of testosterone coursing through their system driving their sexual urges. That’s besic biology 101.

You need to be the one putting on the brakes or else it becomes an out of control situation. You need to tell a guy clearly that you will not participate in sex without a condom. AND ENFORCE IT.

Otherwise prepare yourself for a lifetime of being manipulated, used and eventually discarded.

Please get into therapy and be as totally honest with your therapist as you have been in your questions here. If you don’t, you’re in for a miserably unhappy life.

jca's avatar

He didn’t come inside you but you can still get diseases, you can still get pregnant, and having unprotected sex is still an issue. Also, from the other questions you’ve posted on this site, sex and relationships seem to be a hardship for you. You’ve posted many times with similar issues and others have recommended you try therapy or you try not getting involved in relationships. It seems you’ve not taken the advice, which is ok, that’s your choice. However, since it seems to continue to be a negative in your life, you might try taking a step back and considering the advice that’s been given to you many times on Fluther.

Jak's avatar

You are the only one here with misconceptions. No one cares where he came. You are missing the point that is being made to you. Over and over and over again. And learn, while you’re at it, that you don’t get to control or censor what other adults say. If you insist on saying absurd, ridiculous things, you can expect to have it pointed out to you. That isn’t “bashing”, that’s having the ridiculousness pointed out because you seem to be missing it.
When I was at the gas station yesterday, the clerk handed me my change updside down. Why did he do that? Can I get a disease from taking upside down dollar bills?
I mean, come on already.

Jak's avatar

And by the way, did you do the responsible thing and tell him that you have HSV? Did you let him go downtown without any sort of warning? Maybe he can get a confirmed case and write about you on another website.

Kardamom's avatar

Have not yet read the other answers, will do so after posting.

He didn’t wear a condom because he sees you as simply a place to stick his penis. That’s all, nothing more.

You continually behave like a penis receptacle, and nothing more, and that is how you are treated.

You have bad judgement, you don’t follow helpful advise, and you continually choose bad men. That’s it. That’s the answer.

Jeruba's avatar

Were drugs and/or alcohol in this picture? Sounds like it.

badra100's avatar

First of all unless you both are in a commited relationship than you should be using protection! He doesn’t wear condoms as you’ve mentioned which make him a risk for STD’s. Be smart and protect yourself. Also even if he doesn’t finish inside of you pregnancy is still very likely. Just keep that in mind.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Should he? He hardly knows you or you him…..both of you got what you were after.

Dutchess_III's avatar

After my divorce I started dating this guy. After about 6 months I decided to give the OK for sex. But I planned ahead, and went on birth control about a month before so I was covered, but I didn’t tell him. I was kind of curious as to whether or not he’d say anything about protection. He did not. Most guys won’t use a condom unless you tell them to. They aren’t worried about pregnancy as @Hypocrisy_Central‘s post proves. If you get pregnant that’s your problem.

And I can’t imagine being in a situation where he could just “slip it in,” unless we were both naked and already well on the way to intercourse.

rojo's avatar

Because he couldn’t find one that fit or, more likely, because you let him.

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